The light and the heavy!

For a brilliant change there's been so much to write about! So much that I'm confused as to what should I start to write about! :P

Heavy: You know how there are times when you feel like your heart, your brain and your soul are completely going on and on, stretching dangerously in the opposite directions so that you feel like you might burst? An indifferent word, a callous attitude, a carelessly thrown rude remark, is what it takes for that last straw to pop and God save the world! You're gone! Like, literally. Because you know what? No one wants to know what your problem is. Someone rightly said, 'Smile, and the world smiles with you. Weep, and you weep alone'. I get it, but I also support crying when it's needed. You don't need to pretend everything's alright when you don't feel it is. Heck with what the world thinks, stop pretending and do it, say it, all that you think for real. Even if you get to realize you don't mean as much to everyone as you thought you did. You should be happy that the realization came on sooner rather than later!

Light: My new I'll-go-for-a-walk-every-day-regime? Which by the way, has successfully completed two days. I'm quite sure I'll be able to stick to it for some while. I've decided on evening walks, as getting up before 7.20 (minimum time) is oh-not-so-possible. Trust me, I've tried the 'Early to bed, early to rise' thing, but it's always, 'early-or-later-to-bed-you're-not-getting-up-early-enough' for me! :P What can I do, though? Just not a morning person! Besides, there are so many things you can see during those evening minutes of self-imposed-harrowing-walking, things that equally want to make you smile and tear your hair out! I made a list. While walking. That's for another post!

Heavy: Dreams you harbored in yourself, quite deep inside, so deep that you can't take them out without needing surgery, shattered. It isn't as dramatic as it sounds, but it's heartbreaking nevertheless. When you have to face the hard, dumb reality that how you thought things would turn out, actually don't? There are things you desire so madly that you just don't want to hear those words, those that say it isn't possible, that suggest your weakness, your helplessness and  your vulnerability. Just those words would be able to bring you to tears as you stare at the pieces of your dreams fallen apart and lying around like junk. Maybe even stamped upon by some pitying souls. Please God! Not that dream, it's the most important to me. :|

Light, Light and Light!: I'm the kind of a nakli city girl. The one who lives in the supposedly, fastest city and still not being able to roam around on my own. For one, I'm the biggest lost-case when it comes to directions and places. Just-can't-manage! The only road routes I know are the ones from my home to both my colleges and one to my aunt's place, which we happen to frequent. Ask me no more! Hail metro! :P So the other day, Saturday, I suppose, I made a much-needed trip to my library in C.P., after which I was supposed to meet a few friends. As usual the library trip went alright, except for the minor defect of a couple of seconds that I managed to embarrass myself when the security guard refused to let me take my pepper spray inside (hard times call for hard measures. Or something like that) and I stood there looking confused, my face an expression that said 'If you don't allow, I'll use it on you!'. Maybe. After which the guard just utters a 'please?' and I nod and move forward!

So, yeah. As if normal straight roads didn't confuse me anyway, I was asked to come and meet my friends at a KFC restaurant (yay chicken!). Looking more confident than I felt (alone time is tough), I walked up to a couple of autowallas and described my misery (read: asked them to take me to KFC!), one of whom refused, the other one looked at me like I was crazy, the third one saying, 'Paas me hi hai, paidal chale jaao'. Now if that's not embarrassing enough. :| Okay, lazy guy! I'll walk. If only I knew where! I called up a friend and explained my then-current location and while on the phone, walked halfway through, after which I had to hang up. Definitely felt like I was in some alien city, shooting daggers at anyone who dared look (paranoia!) and walking as fast as my legs could manage (definite need for solid exercise!). I was told it's easy and near, and the phone wouldn't be needed. Of course it was! Standing outside a huge KFC (*stomach rumbles*), I call again and thank god I did, because they weren't really at KFC, but in Dominos, which wasn't even visible in my range of vision!

Anyhow, after a few more minutes, they came out and took me. :P I know, I can be pathetic at times, but that's just one of my very few weaknesses, I swear! Meeting at Dominos, no one wanted to order anything, so hiding faces (that was me), we left for the next door Dunkin' Donuts, where we talked about what we wanted to, while tasting a weird looking something-that-was-not-a-donut! Later on a friend P, wished for some hot coffee, so we went into a CCD. Some good looking, posh-looking CCD it was. We were four by that time and when the waiter arrived to take the order, P announced she'll have an espresso and we shook our heads when he looked at us. That's it, we said. He gave a funny look, which I found quite insulting (but you have to ignore certain things in life, so we let it pass). When finally the waiter came and we were waiting quite restlessly (that was me! Not because I wanted coffee, sillies, but because it was getting late!), what he brought down on the table seemed to be a starter or something.

This was it. And that's my hand measuring the cup!

We sat there, staring at it. Waiting for something, it seemed. Quite a while passed before any of us realized that that's going to be it. That's all. The waiter's gone, a couple more glancing at our table with funny looks on their faces. I narrowed my eyes at them and then brought them back to the table again. My eyes, I mean. What we had in front seemed nothing less than a brilliant, not-so-perfectly-timed joke. The espresso was contained in a three inch cup, filled slightly less than half with a deep dark liquid, accompanied by three different kinds of sugar packets. I might be dumb when it comes to having coffee at coffee shops, because the only coffee out-of-home I've ever liked has been at the Cafe at one of my libraries. But even then, this was not what we expected for 70 bucks! After several minutes of analyzing it and let's admit, laughing out loud, especially at P's expression that shrieked "I've been betrayed!" I realized it was fun. We had a good laugh over it and it did reinforce my initial qualms about CCD being hopeless. Oh by the way, just one tiny sip was all it took to know we're not going to touch it again.

More Light!!!: Then there was yesterday, when I was reading a surprisingly good book, that I had this strange, unnerving feeling, the kind of intuitive feeling you get sometimes, so strong that you feel like doing all sorts of things on impulse. Which in my case, was book-shopping! I hadn't been to a bookstore in ages and my friend in office (yeah, we were in on our internship!) suggested Landmark, a whole one floor bookstore, after listening to which I couldn't stop drooling. I decided to stop being a nerd-intern and leave office early for a change. Will you believe it? The impulse was so strong that my convo with my mentor went like this:

Mentor: So, all this is fine. Just complete it soon and show the final thing to me today itself.   

Me: *Looking distressed* Umm.... Actually...

Mentor: What? Can't happen today? I guess you have plenty of time.

Me: No, it's not that. Can I please mail it to you by evening? I actually have to go somewhere today. Soon.

Mentor: Oh, alright. Mail it to me then.

Me: *Dancing inside* Thank you. :)

In short, I checked my bag to see if I did indeed have my card, you know, to be able to make purchases, when I realized I don't even have my purse, let alone the card! I was cash-strapped! My friend kindly suggested I take some from her and return the next day, and that my impulse-feelings had somehow got transferred and she's not going to take no for an answer, and so we went. The bookstore was definitely awesome! So many different categories of books, filled with amazing titles! I smiled at some, went absolutely berserk at some, drooled over some, and then started looking for the book(s) I wanted. Now, the first one I wanted was The Other Side of the Table by Madhumita Mukherjee. I know, Indian, but I was finding it so good that I wanted my own copy, rather than the borrowed one, because it's the kind of book that you'd like reading again and again. Found it soon enough under 'New arrivals', hence no discount. But that's alright. An awesome book is an awesome book. 

I did not find a copy of The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Again. So then I picked up two Cecelia Aherns, and I admit, totally because of the awesomeness of their covers! I mean, have you even seen the cover for One Hundred Names? I totally picked it up because of the cover! It seemed like a 'must-have'. And then as there was this offer, buy 3 for 2, and my first book wasn't in that category and my friend picked up Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks from that scheme too, I had to pick one more, which would be free. So I went with The Gift by Cecelia Ahern. Super happy with the loot, we went to make the payment when the cash counter girl swiped the card too hard and it stopped working! :O Just like that! We tried a few times, even in the ATM, but it didn't work. Heart-broken and even more cash-less than we thought we were, we said goodbye to our books and went home empty handed. We haven't lost hope yet, we'll be going there again this week, but still. Also I had to go home by metro, which is when I realized that my bag was closed by one of those stupid plastic locks they put before you enter a department store, so that without a pair of scissors you can't open it. And so I spent 40 minutes daydreaming. No book, no headphones. :P I tell you, there is actually some fault in my stars. :| 

- This was totally random. Why can't I even write something I had planned? -

Also, I still haven't started making the thing I promised to mail my mentor yesterday. Lazy or what?