This is the one one-word question I fail to answer, except with a copied-from-others' 'nothing much' or the lame 'fan', 'sky' and whatever I see when I look up. Who even invented this word, an adaptation of which is a fabulous chat messenger app? Anyway, I'm not really going to discuss this word, or any word for that matter. It's just been ages since I came here and even though I don't have a fantastic plan for a mind-blowing post, I figured I'd put in an update.
I've mostly been home ever since I
escaped finished college,
going out only for small errands or to visit a friend/relative. Even though I
am really exhausted having spent years going out every day (and you have to
admit the past two years were particularly brutal), I miss the activity, mostly
because I am one person who cannot feel at peace unless I'm doing
something I feel is useful. It's not that I've been rotting at home. There have
been some useful things I managed to do, and some things are part of a long
process so they happen every day (like the job search and ridiculous
conversations with the inner self, trying to figure out how to step out into
the world), but even then, I kind of miss having to do assignments. o.O Am I
full of irony or what? The kind of education we have always seemed dreary to
me, but I'm fond of learning. And work. I want assignments. :|
To stay away from being idle and having my head circling over the job search (who knew it was such a pain and getting to see such fake, over-confident profiles on LinkedIn?), one of the things I did was to sign up for three courses on coursera.org. It's an interesting site and the way they have everything "scheduled" and require students to submit assignments on time and everything, it feels good! The last three weeks were busy and a lot of fun, with a cousin’s wedding and then another little cousin’s birthday that we all planned. Since they were staying at our place, it wasn’t empty like it is on usual days, and with two amazing kids in the house who love to play cute, fun games, it was like a vacation spent at home.
I managed to write a little too (*grins sheepishly for not yet completing the last TT story*), but reading and writing have been low on the agenda for a while now. I’m trying to get those back on track though, or else I know my life wouldn’t be on the happiness path anytime soon! What do you think, how right is it to ask for your old life back? I miss being the I-don’t-care person I used to be. Despite losing a valuable loved one, I was still coping and happy. It’s like it’s fallen apart again and I’m having to re-do myself completely. They say we should accept the changes and move on, but you can't help wishing for the home to be full of talk and laughter again, to wake up and not worry about what you're going to tell people who think you're wasting your time because you left a job you didn't want. You still wish for courage and motivation you had, the effortless way you could write, the rigorous reading sessions you indulged in, the friends who left because of an illness.
You look at old photographs and remember snippets of your past life that was a hundred times carefree than it is now. You wish for a laughter that isn't scared of waking up those who don't want it. You miss being bold, confident and just "you". You curse the systems and people who you feel pushed you into being who you've become, and then feel angry at yourself because you allowed it. I don't think it's wrong to feel like that. It's your life and your right to make it the way you want.
Things aren’t as strong as these words sound though. :P It’s cool. I guess it’s just a little lazy lately. I’ve piled up quite a bit of work for myself so I can spend time oozing out creativity, which I’d missed so much the past two whole years! I tried the pulp method in papier mache to make bangles and keychains.
On another note, I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that I’m 7 books behind schedule according to Goodreads. I mean, so hawww! Please suggest some nice, hard-to-keep-down books so I can catch up!
PS- My new addiction: Playing UNO online because the kiddies have gone back and I’ve no one to play with! :P