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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

When will you know what's for you?

Strange things happen to people, and we've all got our own ways of dealing with them. Some of us are so used to perfection and clarity that a little deviation from that state creates anxiety. I'm one of those, horrible at 'adjusting' to new situations and people. I have a feeling this weird 'characteristic' leads me into strange situations, more than any other thing.

How and when do you really know when something is just right for you? Something so amazing might come your way and with the initial inhibitions, you might even do it reasonably well, but you're never happy or comfortable about it, sometimes without reason. And when you do know the reason, it sounds so lame to you that you can't even manage to tell anyone, because you'd be in for a lecture that begins with 'don't be such a fool!'

You might even be having an internal monologue that goes like this:

What if I want to take chances? What if something reasonably amazing on the surface is with me, but I just don't feel I'd like it? God forbid, what if it even leads me to believe that I'd never be as good as the rest? I think I'd know what isn't for me when it comes, but then, I'm too worried thinking about how it makes me look, rather than how it makes me feel. And ever since I did try focusing on accepting only that which made me happy, I've been looked at like a non-achiever and someone who makes silly decisions. 

So what if I'm having trouble figuring it out? I'm not used to it and it'll take time. Why will it be so wrong even if I make a mistake? Maybe the timing isn't right. It would have been a lot better if maybe it came at a later stage in life. Right now, it's not possible for me to handle it. It makes me shrink, it makes me nervous and I just don't want it. 

After spending days worrying and nights nightmare-ing about something you shouldn't even be stressing SO much about, you start feeling more hopeful. But that hope will die. Family would help you, friends would and sometimes even strangers might make you feel better, but you'll go back to your own head in the end and in all likelihood if you want to remain sane, you'd listen to your heart and not what would be considered 'an immense opportunity'. 

Well, I'm willing to not do something because the truth is, I'm scared. And I don't want to fight. It should be okay to give in sometimes, just for the sake of your mental state. If I'm okay with being a Kindergarten kid sometimes, it should really be okay. I'll take it up happily when I know it is for me. Right now, it just isn't.

PS- Why do I always find myself in the weirdest, awkwardest situations??? You guys wouldn't believe what's going on if I told you (that's just exactly why I'm not :P )


  1. A wonderful post as always! I hope you get what you want. And you feel peace inside. But you see, you have to see a lot of ups & downs. But, that's the beauty of life that "The journey you go through to reach the happiness, you will feel the value of that thing". So, i hope you get what you want, jaldi se.

    Stay Blessed, Stay Happy! :)

    1. Aww Aayush. You always come up with real, practical gyaan that makes me feel positive about everything. Thanks so much :)

  2. Hey Girl, I am staring at the labels of this post and they themselves say a lot. I can say something about everything that you discussed here but no amount of what advice of thoughts I have to express should matter a lot. They should only be there to strengthen the choices that you have already made. In this case, listening to your heart. And I can't support it enough.

    Talking of which, you see, people talk about two things generally. Listening to your heart and listening to your mind. But if you come to think of it, while comparing, people tend to attribute the rational thoughts to the mind and the non rational to the heart, while the truth is, these both are your mind speaking, you have to just choose between them. The heart is something totally different. It speaks of things without thinking. What heart says is your natural reflex, your natural alignment(for want of a better word). What heart says is what you really are. And I think, no matter what the choice is, one should always use heart, even after picking a choice from the mind.

    So yeah, much gyaan, but the essence is, you should always listen to your heart, it knows best. And you don't regret the decisions made with the help of your heart. Ever.

    1. Spoken like a true heart-follower! ;) I liked the gyaan, especially about all choices being in the mind.. I guess that's how it is. Now that I've done already what my heart said, I do feel a lot better. And a lot more hopeful :) Thankyou! <>

  3. There you are! Now I get the exact thing going in your head. Okay, may be not exact but near-exact.
    And I really am no one to pacify you here, 'cause I stand in the same line. Exactly. And perhaps word-to-word. Sometimes, when I am just not able to find a solution, I just shut it all up (sleep or whatever) and try to escape. And trust me, it NEVER helps. So don't ever do that, I'll advise :P

    Rest, things will fall in to place. After all you haven't done anything heinous ever that you'll be made to stay away from nice-ness for long. Or have you? :P
    Till then, I hope this helps:
    "Broken paths are good. They push you further to search the smooth road." -Ti (you know who ;) )

    1. Hey Srishti, this actually made me re-think when I first read your comment. I have this tendency to quickly back off from uncomfortable situations instead of facing and dealing with them. But we do need to have faith, give it time, maybe suffer a little, but it always gets better in the end, along with results. I'm not yet sure if I like the idea of suffering till you get it, because then the journey is hard and not enjoyable, but I'm still wondering over it. :) Loved your quote! :) Thanks for all the motivation!

  4. I empathize with you. In fact I have felt the pain that you do right now. It's not even once or twice but so many times. It's as if we are trapped in a loop. Just when we think that we are finally done with, a new trouble begins. There is no such thing as trivial when it comes to living our lives. I can give you no advice because all my life I have chosen what seemed to be the most practical choice. In the beginning it was because I had a very narrow view about life. But I started realizing what it truly means to love doing something and just dragging something. However that realization did not give me peace. Now I am in a state of constant turmoil because I know what I truly desire but I can't have it. Things like luck and destiny really scares me. We are so powerless.
    Best wishes to you dear and sorry for not being able to come up with better words but I feel your pain as much as you do.

    1. Hi Sui Generis!

      At the time of writing this, I truly believed it'll be bad, but going through it also taught me how important it is to be able to manage something you are handed, even if it's not exactly what you wanted. It makes you learn something invaluable that you can't see right then. True, luck and destiny play their roles too (and I for one have a mom deeply interested in astrology and the like, so I'm kind of inclined to believe these things to some extent), but we always need to keep doing our best, don't we? If it gets too much to handle, forget it and let it go.

      I sincerely hope you are able to get what you truly desire. I'm sure there'd be a way. Then there's time. :)

      Your words have been really soothing. Thank you so much for them! :')


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