Musing over dreams...

Even though I have really vivid dreams which I would really like to record and watch them when I wake up, I do not usually remember many details after the first few seconds of waking up. Which is why I always ask my family people not to do rash things in the morning that might wake me up all of a sudden, which brings on the conscious way too fast and I don't seem to remember a single piece of my sweet sweet dreams. :( It's then that I feel like a night has been wasted, that I was in a parallel world and I want to know what all there was and I can't help feeling mad at the one who's barged into my room, switched on the light and opened the drawers with so much noise, looking for something that I don't care a thing about. It's usually my brother and if by any chance I yell at him, the only remnants of the dream are lost, as if frustrated with my yelling, they've taken it back. 

Vacations are a different thing, though. I get to sleep in late and if I wake up on my own, I spend a few minutes remembering the details. That's what I did today as well and I'm surprised at how our innermost emotions get combined with all the stories we feed our brains during the day and bring forth unique dreams and experiences in our minds. I'm reading a book called 'The Secret Life of Bees' by Sue Monk Kidd (which, by the way, is so brilliant that every reader must have a copy of it. I'll be buying one too, since the one I have is borrowed from a library. And I haven't even read it full yet, but I'm giving it a 5/5 already! And I saw it's been made into a movie too. I'm going to buy that too). It's about a fourteen year old white girl who lost her mother when she was four and her dad isn't what we would say, a 'dad'. He's abusive and Lily, tired with everything, takes off with Rosaleen, their black house help, towards a town she knew her mother had been once. Among the many topics addressed is that of racism (this one is the second book I've read the previous month on racism), how the colored people are treated by whites. It's sure more of Lily's story, who is now living with three black women plus Rosaleen and she loves them so much that she feels sorry the white treat them bad.

Then we had a new show on TV starting last night, I don't even remember the name, the one where people tell true paranormal related stuff that happened with them. The funny thing is, I knew I would be seeing things at night if I watch that program, the same way when I read some scary scene in a book at night and then I'm afraid to even go to brush my teeth and the bathroom is one meter away, hardly! But I watched it anyway and it had a couple who bought a sprawling mansion with wide glass full wall-size windows and open area, with the sea view in front. I thought of it as an ideal place for myself, except that I wouldn't be crazy enough to build it that big and have two people living in it. Considering my over active imagination, it would probably scare me to death, paranormalcy or not. 

Anyway, the point is, I had a dream that combined these two plus those fears we don't really know we have, they're etched so deep that they come out in your dreams, making you run, trip, fall over, and other things that suggest you're insecure or something. (I haven't read any of this anywhere. This is what I think happens and if it matches with what really happens, that's another reason to call myself a born genius ;))

I wanted a new house to live in and so we shifted. It was big with too many windows for my liking, even a full sized one in the front, but there was no sea. It was just like the neighborhood we lived in before and the only thing that seemed different was that it was now made of glass, almost. Windows everywhere. Even though I liked the house, I felt too exposed, as if the house isn't offering shelter, but a view for prying outsiders who would peep in through one of the windows and see what we're doing. This detail terrified me, for if there's anything I can't live without, it's my privacy and my time. I cannot have strangers knowing how we lived or what I was doing at a particular moment. Which is what happened. Wherever I went, I closed the windows and pulled the locks in their sockets, though since it was a glass window, people could still see if they wanted to. I guess we were on the upper floor and even then I felt the need to shut and lock every window wherever I went. Tears streamed down as I did the same shutting and locking repeatedly and the windows I had previously shut stood open next time I came around. I would see prying faces, trying to peek in secretly, but I, being observant enough to notice a flinch, knew what they were up to. I tried communicating it to my parents, who didn't much think of it at first, but with my insistence, Mom scolded a boy who seemed to live in the house behind ours, with a few feet in between our back windows. He swore he didn't peek in, but I knew he wasn't innocent. I remember bawling and yelling and asking for curtains to be put on the windows, which we didn't seem to have! (Writing it down makes it sound even scarier! :P)

The other thing was that it wasn't just my family who were staying, but it changed into a big house where dark skinned people lived and we were just some people who've come there for shelter, but unlike Lily, it wasn't comforting to me. Much. No, it's not the color thing, I don't give a damn to where a person belongs, unless they have a kind heart, but it were the windows that were terrifying me. My life was too exposed, but also kind of shut off and the really weird thing was, even my Facebook account had vanished! I had to create a new one and they had avatars for us to choose, which ranged from totally white cartoons, darkening in shade gradually with many browns in between, finally settling to pitch black. I had lost all my contacts and even though I used my real, full name, others seemed to be having made-up weird names that didn't make sense. I chose a white avatar for myself, but Mom made me choose a brown one, saying that I should consider where I'm now living, which is what I am now. All the while I moved onto a new avatar to test, there would be tribal Indian music in the background and the cartoon on the screen (not even on any device. I guess it just floated mid-air) jumped and broke bricks like Mario. This is all completely weird since I'm not what they call a 'white' person. I'm an Indian and an Asian and for the total racists, maybe belong to the other category. I guess it was so I could completely get into Lily's life and understand her predicament, since she lived in fear of being caught and prayed to Mary to have a curtain around the house to keep her safe. 

It's amazing what brains can do and even though it was scary, I am very happy to get a little more deeper into what makes my dreams. It's what I feed my brain during the day and it either gets it all muddled up or creates a form where I can understand things better. Really, there's no such pleasure as reading and dreaming. :)

Random question: Have you ever noticed what we wear in dreams? It's one of the mysteries I've not yet grasped. I never notice this one detail.

Just an update, if you care to know about what I'm doing: New college starts tomorrow and I haven't done a thing! I mean, it's just like today's another vacation day and tomorrow I'll get up and just go. As of this moment, I'm not really excited, for I'm afraid I might not get the time to write and read and blog and lie in bed a few more minutes to remember the dream and write it down. :| I haven't even made any other papier mache object yet, nor have I created more bookmarks (I made three and then got more crafts materials to make more, but didn't get down to it). Who will do that now? I'm desperately wanting hoping to join a weekend hobby class because it's now a part of me. I cannot live without ECAs, whatever it might be. The idea of "just" studying gives me the shudders. *Shudders anyway* - involuntary! Wish me luck!