Oh God. I actually never, ever had any clue my life would ever turn out to be like this. I mean, I remember last Saturday as is it was the day yesterday. I don't know how I'm living in another Saturday so soon. How did the week pass? I don't know. It just did. I only know this: I got up, assaulting the poor alarm clock, hopping from room to room trying to get ready, then seen on the road running around, trying to find a rickshaw (those days when I'm not lucky enough to have dad in the mornings), then somehow surviving a brutal (mostly mental) day in college, what with all the stupid-ness I'm surrounded with, reaching home late in the evening, gulping down food as if it's chocolate (except for the minor glitch that it's not exactly chocolate), crying and trying to finish all those dumb assignments and reading headings as a way to prepare for exams, dropping
dead asleep and not knowing how and when, then again getting up and the same thing continued.
|A hamster. That's what I feel like.|
Another Saturday, but this one has been good. Not the college part, that's always quite pathetic, but it's nice when you reach home and find your super cute cousin waiting for you. The cousin who's 9 years old, lives in Katni, MP, sent a sweet letter to you when you bumped your leg, asking you how you were. The one who got upset with his mom yesterday when she didn't get the Chacha Chaudhary comics he asked for, the one who likes reading and who tells you he missed you all day. Then when he plays catch the ball with you just like your brother did (whom you miss because he's out of Delhi) and then quizzes you on general stuff which you realize, you're pathetic at (I knew just 2 out of the 10 questions he asked, out of his head). The one who goes into your room and counts the number of books you have, arguing that 136 books is not the same as '130 something'. I tell you, he's quite adorable. I've been laughing since I came home and feeling extremely good.
It's quite funny, what people can do to you. Some can turn your whole system into a depressing one, so much so that you get into that scary mode when you can cry at the drop of a hat, while some others can make you feel like you're the luckiest, happiest and prettiest, just with their smiles! I wish everyone of us in college could be the same, but it's not like that. I suppose it can't happen, because over there, your happiness or your feelings or your thoughts don't matter. If you can give them something they want, you're treated well. If you're silent, or a "boring person", or don't talk about homework/work, they don't even want to travel/talk with you, let alone think about your feelings! That could almost be a hilarious joke, if it wasn't such a pathetic thing to happen. But it's alright, it happens, right? People aren't there to make friends, they have ambitions. Ugh, what-the-hell-ever. I don't want to waste my typing on what people like them think. I believe in simply being good, doing good, helping those who deserve and giving a royal ignore to those who make you feel like crap.
The only drawback is, sometimes I can't seem to get over the feeling you get when you think how good it was and how it isn't the same anymore. It's true that everything has a life. It has to come to an end sometime. It does and hurts you like hell in the process, but you have to bear it. Even knowing all this, you can't help feeling bad anyway, because even when you're trying hard to impress upon yourself the "It's okay" philosophy, you still get glimpses of how it was, and wondering what even happened (you have no idea) so that everything came to an abrupt stop. That's just one of my glitches maybe. And it's something I hate. I mean, I have an amazing family who loves me no end and here I am, crying over people who make impressions about me based on what some pathetic person said. It's even sadder, because those are the people who matter(ed?) to me.
Anyway, enough of all that trash-talk. The good thing is, I'm not going to get sad over people who just don't care. Staying happy, whatever happens, is important. It's the right thing to do. You know what Dumbledore says? "There's a difference between what's right and what's easy". (I so love this one! I think I'll get it printed on a t-shirt and wear it everyday. Or maybe I'll alternate a day in between, just enough for it to be washed and stuff). Like Margaret Mitchell said, "Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect." So we better stop blaming life! Gosh! I used to live such a simple, pretty and happy life. I still am, but for the minor non-sense stuff that's so much capable of ruining my whole mental system. I really wouldn't mind living as the last human being on Earth. I'd just like to have thousands of books and pretty scenery all around. Non-human life forms are also acceptable.
#Random fact: This craving to do something to make myself feel good led me to homeshop18.com. And I finally ordered a book I've been itching to read since the past few months. I know it's one of those remarkable, rock my world kind of books! The Book Thief by Marcus Zuzak.
#Random fact 2: I have such a week ahead of me, that I think I'd even be skipping the food gulping part of the day. I was supposed to do loads of work, but you know me. I have to be here when it's too much work. And now it's near midnight so naturally I'm sleepy. Not that I'd be sleeping anyway. Of course I'll be reading a book, despite the fact that I'll be out of home till evening tomorrow as well and wouldn't be able to work. At all. But you know what? I've noticed, if you're happy, you can almost always manage everything. Even if you miss out a few things, it doesn't really matter because you know you were really happy, which is something rare, so you better let it happen whenever it does. ;)
#Random fact 3: I just remembered that the cover story of today's Mint Lounge was something about how and why Indian kids prefer reading foreign authors (the rare kind of kids, the kind I like. Those who're like me, I mean!). I haven't read it yet and I'm going to go read that right now.