Thank you, 2012!

It's that time of the year when I tend to be the most excited, for maybe some totally weird reasons. You'd think the end of a whole year, meaning a year more towards doom or The End, should have me worried, but then again, why should it? It's the holidays, I'm free to get up at noon (yes, I do), sit under cosy blankets and just read till eternity, get excited at the prospect of wishing all those special people in my life a 'Happy New Year' with personalized messages, and feel amazed at the way the clock just strikes 12 and people go crazy! It's such a sweet feeling.

Now as the year's coming to a close, I'm thinking back to all that happened this year. One thing is definite, there's been more of the good and great stuff than the bad, unlike 2011 which was like, the suckiest year ever for me, if that's even a word (It isn't. At least according to autocorrect it isn't. But hey, according to autocorrect, even 'autocorrect' isn't a right word. Stupid technology). Anyway, here I am listing down all those things I'm grateful to 2012 for. Really. :')

1.  For finally granting me the fortune of living a life free of entrance exams and its useless worries! Okay, maybe not exactly, because I was still very much into these making-my-head-spin-like-crazy exams till the first 4 (or 5?) months, but still. Being accepted in a school for MBA, in Delhi, in a government university, was very much a reason to be happy and finally free. (That's a different matter altogether that college isn't really "free", but still. No more parental nagging!)

2. New college. I know I've been going on about how it's made my life so 'sucky', but not really. I mean, I am at least getting to learn new things which I didn't learn before, finally getting some real, practical education in a field I sometimes find boring, but still. I'm not going to say anything negative in these thank you notes. So, I'd be getting an education (and a nice one at that), new friends (read next point), new experiences and insights into wildly differing human behaviour (people who make it into the 'corporate'? They're weird as students)

3. New friends. Really, even though there might be total weirdos in my class (and yes, I don't feel like such a weirdo now. I've discovered more varieties), there actually are some "my" type of people! With one of them, it was 'friend-at-first-sight' kind of a situation, and I'm sure, she's going to be a friend forever. With the rest, it was gradual, but I'm totally glad to have them as friends. :D (To those whom I tease a lot, that's because you're liked, silly! ;))

4. The new 'me'. Not technically, because I'm still the same old me: the book nerd, slightly weird, dreamer, klutz, and whatnot. Still, I think with time and especially with this new college, I have slightly changed. Personality wise, I think. I'm not such a cry baby anymore (okay, I am a bit, but I should retain something of the past, no? Hold on to traditions and stuff!), I've learned to forgive (or call that 'don't-give-a-damn-to-what-you're-uttering' attitude), and even though I still get 'lost' while in class (and even in tests. Damn it!), I'm still able to recover quickly, because you know, of the fact that I despise being dependent on anyone and asking people to repeat stuff is something I myself don't enjoy! And I think my dressing sense as well, has improved :P 

5. Grateful to God for doing some wonderful stuff in my family! Thank you God for all that you've given. We're forever thankful, just need you to continue showering your blessings! :')

6. For books! I took up the Goodreads challenge, set a target of 50 books to read this year! Guess what, I'm at 58 right now ;) I don't know, books just sort of are a breathing mechanism for me. I just-cannot-stay-without-them. Can not! Tell you what, I read something like this somewhere and I wish: wanting to learn Braille just in case you go blind, so that you'll still be able to read books. It's not in an offensive way, but just a thought- how would you read if you can't see? Anyway, I got to read a lot of great books, learned a lot of stuff, saw my book blog grow into something people actually liked! Thank you, really! :D

7. For the Kindle! Oh you deserve a separate point, dear Kindle. Just to be clear, I'm not pro e-books as such and I just download the free e-books from Amazon. If I have to purchase, I'd rather go for a physical copy. I love the Kindle because it helps in light readings when I'm in no mood for something heavy, when it's just 'read-something-light-and-go-to-bed' sort of a feeling. And of course it's sometimes useful in a boring class, that little dear is just so easy to open and slide between the pages! ;)

Quite right!

8. For all those moments when I felt life is simply beautiful! It is, though, if you actually think about it. If you see what you want most of the time is just materialistic and honestly, it doesn't much matter. Remove that and you'll find everything beautiful! 

9. For all those times I was able to do just what I really wanted- read the books I'd been dying to read, go out and photograph just those things in just those places at just the right moments, just as I'd planned, to see some 'thought of' dreams taking shape for real. I've loved them all. :)

10. Birthday! It was awesome. Thanks all those who made it special! :)

11. Before actually typing all this, I asked Rachit and Usama for a few suggestions, meaning, what they think one should be grateful for. While Usama is busy cooking up schemes to overtake a couple of planets in a galaxy not yet discovered (you can mention those in the comments section!), Rachit mentioned these:

- Not Dying (yeah, turns out that 21 Dec 2012 was a hoax from the Mayans!)

- Meeting Rachit, Usama, Gunsheen, Ridhima (on my birthday. Yes, it was the awesome-est of all! :D )

- Not being in any relationship (uhh... okay. :P )

- Not mentionable. :P

I'm sure there would be a lot more I'm not writing at this moment. What do you think you've been grateful to 2102 for? Was it good, bad, or a mix?

How do you feel?

If you're rooted in a mass

Of beings different, 

Pitying you probably, for you're

Not 'them', sticking out sorely

How would you feel?

If you ever speak and

It goes to the wind

For they have priorities, overlook

Your little voice, meaningless

How would you feel?

If your little heart flutters

At a sound, you turn and

See it/they smiling, at another

Their backs to you, indifferent

How would you feel?

If it's easy being alone

You do it with grace

Doesn't mean it's desired

Still they leave you up to it

How would you feel?

If you find yourself

At the intersection, with the

Forgotten past behind, the unknown future

Ahead, and the present muddled, conflicting

How would you feel?

Be in those shoes, at least once

See, what your indifference does

To drown another soul, in pain

Insecurity, inferiority. If this is you,

How do you feel?

The above picture was taken from Google (where else?).

The above post is the product of a very weird state of mind. Ignore if it doesn't make much sense.

Ticks and crosses...

Every person has their own perception of what constitutes the ‘right thing’. What’s right for you may just be horribly wrong or unforgivable for me. Isn’t it logical? Everyone is a different personality, with their own set of brains (hopefully), thought processes, living environment and background. Naturally, our perceptions, ideals and morals would vary. Even then, from a general humanitarian point of view, there are certain rights and wrongs that I feel we all should know and understand. Whether we choose to do the right things, is entirely up to us. 

#1. Wrong: Cheating in exams is not right. You copy from others, from the guy who's spent some time preparing and studying while you were getting drunk, you use your Android phone and apps for the right answers, you don't care if you're copying shamelessly from whoever. The nerdy classmate whom you never include in your 'fun plans', suddenly becomes the limelight when it comes to copying from him in tests. Not right. 

Personally, I would say it's kind of natural for us (Indians) to cheat. God knows if not the whole freaking population has been involved in some sort of cheating or the other. Still, that doesn't make it right. Have some respect, for yourself and for the others. People cheat because they want marks, they want good grades. Why? Does it in any way make you learn anything? Make you smarter? I don't think so. (Yes, I know that in some cases marks determine a lot of things and can make huge differences. It's just a pathetic truth about our system).

Right: Even if you want to save yourself from flunking, at least cheat till what is required for you to pass. Why copy the whole thing, word for word? You have brains, please make use of them. It's not really that hard.  

Understood?

# 2. Wrong: Hurting others in any way is not right. Some of us have this tendency, this urge for sweet 'revenge'. Not right. You, for one, have absolutely no right to make anyone feel sad about themselves, or inferior, or angry. Why can't you just keep to yourself and to those who matter? Seriously, some people have all the time in the world to discuss and plot such trivial tactics that it makes my heart squirm. It's scary. No one is actually interested in anyone else's life so much. If they are, they're going to talk to you about it. I do. If I like someone, I'd like to get to know a lot of things about them, so I'll simply ask them. Do that, will you? Stop being a snob.

Right: 'Teaching' anyone a lesson is totally uncalled for, kiddish and stupid. If someone hurts you, why the hell do you have to hurt them back? That just makes two people miserable instead of one. Heard of this word, 'ignore'? Works wonders, I tell you. Try not to take too much notice of what cribbers speak about you. You know yourself better than anyone else, even if they're psychologists. Trust yourself and learn to leave people alone! 

# 3. Wrong: Being rude is not right. Really, in my 21 years of life, I haven't encountered as many rude people as I'm doing these days, the past few months, especially. Where people get this attitude of being rude, thinking they're being cool, is something I can't grasp. At all. There are real, freaking people whom you're being rude with. They might be sensitive, they have emotions, they're not robots. When you push someone deliberately while getting on/off the Metro train, it's not cool. Maybe you just screwed up some happy person's day real bad. When you tell someone how 'boring', 'uncool' or 'weird' they are, it's not right. You think people act like a bore on their own? They're trying really hard, alright? Just have a little bit of sense.

Right: Just be nice. To all. That's all I have to say.

***

Agree with me or not? Did you notice how I've written such a short post? :| The scarier thing is, I find it hard to write like I used to, these days. The worst part is, I haven't read a book in the past week. I don't even feel like it, in fact. I mean, I'm considering returning three books to the library without reading them. And I was dying to read them some time back. I just hope it's a reading slump or a writing slump or whatever harmless thing. 

Anyway, I hope to be back soon. Holidays are almost here! There are some interesting prompts floating around the blogosphere I hope to participate in, and Abinaya will kill me really soon if I don't make a post for the two awards she very kindly gave me! :P Hope you're having more fun than me ;) 

Mixed Signals...

Before any intelligent person sues me for plagiarism, I'll tell you myself that the title isn't mine. I read a Nancy Drew book with this name, once upon a time. The feelings are the same though. If you've known me or read this blog long enough, you'd know how I do not like this word: 'change'. Honestly speaking, it makes me uncomfortable. Ironically, I like how I learn something new every single day, and the way in which small new things unfurl themselves, changing right before my eyes, I can't help but feel that sense of wonder, the one that makes you stop and look at things and really admire the tiny stuff you otherwise would never notice. 

For example (as usual going completely astray from what I intended to write), I seem to be noticing a lot of tiny things during the day, most days. People, for one. If I find someone fascinating, I have a hard time keeping my eyes off that person, which is something I need to work on. I mean, looking at people just because you find them interesting? Makes you look creepy :P I wish someone invented special eye gear so that it seems like you're interested in whatever's happening around you (like in a class) but you can actually take your eyes anywhere and observe for as long as you like. I swear, I could write a whole person if only I could. ;) 

Pic courtesy: Google ji!

Apart from people, I think I have this weird fascination for just about anything. Airplanes fly overhead and I have to look. Even if the sky has a plane flying every two minutes, if I hear it, I have to see it. Then the other day I was so bored, I actually counted the number of tiles on a portion of the cemented ground (one hundred sixty something!), that too from three storeys above. These days I love not talking to anyone much (yes, even less than usual), preferring to listen to music or observing simple plants and building structures, the clouds and the ground, and just about everything. God! Either I'm too wella or totally disconnected from the real world, which is something that happens when I have too much non-sense work, so much so that I refuse to do it at all (yes you guessed it right, like right now!)

Coming back to the point, our lives aren't really all that simple, are they? I mean, yes they are, in a way. Sometimes I feel it's all black and white, yes or no, love or hate, either I like something or I don't, either I'll talk to someone a lot or not at all, either I'll like a person totally and think (read dream) about awesome scenarios and the next moment, I'll get upset with one small thing they did/said and get sad over how pathetic life can be, that I can't even get to talk or know more about one single person! I mean, it gets so confusing! It's like I'm living my teenage years all over again. The confusion, the way I can totally lose it at the drop of a hat, the sudden liking/disliking, grudges, pain, then the next moment filled with laughter, butterflies and smiles. 

Exactly!

As if there isn't enough confusion in the world already, people have to behave so complicated too. I don't just 'get it' why anyone would act fake. Just be what you are, say what you mean, love who you want. Why can't it be simple enough? Where does it get hard? I fail to understand. It just makes it harder for me as well, to try to figure out what the other wants, what they feel, if they mean what they say. I may seem 'arrogant', but at least I'm honest. And true. If I like you enough, I'd make efforts to talk to you, to get to know you better, trying to make you like me as well. True, it would hurt if they don't reciprocate, it would hurt real bad, but at least I'd know that I made a move, a bit of an effort. Better than regrets.

It's sometimes hard to get my head wrapped around this concept. I mean, even J.K. Rowling kept 'love' as the main message behind Harry Potter. It's not so hard, really. Just forget what people will say, go ahead and talk, make some noise, do what you want, love everyone, tell people if you love them, it's more important than loving from a distance, wish your parents a nice goodnight each night with a hug and a kiss, hate less, if you don't like anything, ignore it! Leave it, the end! 

Isn't life about you? About how you want to live it? What's wrong with wanting to stay out of cities, in fascinating places, meeting nice people, having fun, loving those you want in your life, not thinking about those things that've been deeply ingrained in our minds already? Career, jobs and the monotonous stuff? I still haven't been able to think of these as *very* important. Probably because I'm not facing much of a problem and maybe I don't know about how it is necessary for survival for some people. Maybe. But it still doesn't change for me. There's a concept of the way I wish to lead my life, to live, that I have in my head, a picture that keeps on changing everyday, adding even more fascinating stuff each time I think something different. Why then, does it seem so 'weird' to you? To me, it doesn't. And I promise you, at the end, I know what matters is my own choice and I'll do it all. I just hope I don't lose this craziness streak by the time I'm ready. On second thoughts, I don't think I'll lose it. Much. I'm getting crazier everyday as it is! :P

Someone take me here already!!!

PS- Oh God. Is it just me or really, I've just written such a load of...... what? I'm-so-sleepy-and-going-crazy-counting-all-the-work-I'm-supposed-to-do and still I decide to type randomly whatever comes to my mind? Yep, it seems like it. Dear new readers, I'm usually not this insane. Please excuse this sudden bout of mental-ness. 

PPS- Such a morose mood can always be made better with a Mom-made steaming cup of nicely made coffee! :D