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Thursday, May 31, 2012

[Theandric Thursday]: The 'weird' story...

I had kind of a new idea, like, just now when I had this 'create-new-post' page open without any idea of what to do, then lying down on the cool marble floor (I have the laptop on the floor as well, don't get the idea that I've a weird habit of getting up from any place and lying down on the floor the next instant) ,staring up at the plain old ceiling willing for ideas to come to me. The usual. Though this time, an idea really did strike me!

Okay, it's this: Once every week, starting today (what is it? Thursday? Yeah, just checked), I'll be posting something that's a cross between Fiction and reality, about my life the way it is at the time of posting or what I've been doing these days or in a day or what I'm feeling or thinking something (including supernatural stuff).  That's where 'Theandric' comes into the picture. The dictionary definition of the word says, 'Relating to, or existing by, the union of divine and human operation in Christ, or the joint agency of the divine and human nature'. I've been reading fantasy since some time so it's kind of embedded in me at the moment. Stuff that's equally fascinating as well as terrifying (well, not really, just something in between reality and non-reality).

At least I'll have a post a week to take care of and not go into the 'My-blog-is-already-going-good-I-don't-need-to-post-today' phase (not that I think like that, it's just an example). Also, you could think of it as a new meme and participate too! Just let me know if you do. You can use the picture above, which by the way, is one of my clicks. ;) Anyway, if you still don't get it, the following paragraphs would make it clear.

(This is where is starts from, okay? And it's half- Fiction, don't forget that! I'm actually not as moronic as it seems from my posts!) And, WARNING! This is a very long post. Read with a cup of tea in hand. Preferably green ;)

A soothing tune enters the arena, a midst the chaos created by those wretched vampires who're still chasing me. I've finished reading the Twilight series for heaven's sake! They should know better than running around with real speed, chasing the hell out of me sixth night in a row, badly influencing my impression of the good Edward-like vampires. Why couldn't I dream that? I would sleep more, maybe. Oh. That's why, because I already sleep way past the standard human required sleep or maybe even beyond the 'too-much-sleep' hours. But hey, it's the vacations and it's not that I have any serious work to do. Anyway, the tune is overpowering and my eyelids open to see the semi bright room, the tune coming from the side of my pillow. I reach out and naturally press snooze, not even bothering to see the time. It's probably 10 am, the light from the window's done a lot to teach me to know the time without a watch. Even though I've slept enough I feel tired and go back to sleep. I press the snooze again and this time I really see the time. The light's too bright! Noon already? No, 11.30 am. Yay, I got up before noon! 

I brush my teeth, wash my face and head out to the living room. Everyone else is up (obviously. It's almost noon! And they're not lazy sleep-loving teenagers. Not that I'm a teenager now, but still). I greet them cheerfully and go over to sit with them. While we're huddled together, we watch the morning news (I get to see the ending flashes, it being almost noon and all) and chat about the important, somewhat not important and utterly not important stuff together. I have my brunch, go through the lifestyle supplements of the three newspapers we get and grab my current read from the bookshelf and settle down to read. What else is there to do anyway? It's too hot to go outside with friends or even to photograph anything. So, the whole day it's just alternating between reading (settling in many different places, I should add, while I'm at it!) and using the internet or blogging or Facebooking. 

However, as I'm reading a story about teenage witch twins sharing one twin's body fifty-fifty (Entangled, by Nikki Jefford), I'm distracted by the sudden change in weather. Well, maybe it wasn't sudden. It could have changed its hues from the harsh orange to yellow to pale blue to a very pale orange for all I know. I was lost in the book. But the others are going to the windows too, so maybe it's a surprise for them as well. Were they as lost as I was or is the weird change really... weird? Oh, by the way, I love this word: weird. Weird, isn't it? :P Anyway, coming to the point, it was getting really windy with dark clouds clearly moving overhead. The others moved back to their respective chores, mumbling about the in-capabilities of the met department to accurately forecast the evening weather. I gave them a look. What's up with the met department predicting the weather anyway? If God wants sun, it will be the sun. If He felt the urge to change the weather to stormy, it's His choice. We all get sudden cravings, don't we? Or maybe He was getting bored up there after all. The arched up brows everywhere and surprised 'O' kinda mouths should be a change for Him to see. 

But then my feelings changed, the resentment over the narrow mindedness was replaced by a 'weird' kind of uneasiness. Something was tinkling at the back of my mind but I couldn't point my finger to it. The only thing my brain told me was that some thing was certainly amiss. I had to just know what it was and I knew I had to find out. I don't know what made me decide that. I'm usually not the superhero kind and stay away from trouble. But this time I had a very strong feeling that the weather was just one of the many strange things that were in line for me. And weird that, I knew it was something related to me! How weird is that!

My brother declared he wanted samosas with the hot tea, considering the 'samosa' kind of weather and not wanting to miss any chance, I jumped up and volunteered to get them from the shop. The storm had subsided and it was just cool wind blowing now. Yeah, subtle it is, weather changer. I'm coming. Let's see what you're up to, why don't we? I ditched my scooty, preferring instead to walk and smiled a smile towards the others' confused expressions, telling them it's a good weather to walk and I won't be long. If the weather changer doesn't do anything funny, that is. Heck! What's happening? Who is this stupid 'weather changer'? There's nothing in the world like that! I'll just go and bring back those samosas straight away. No lingering. As I was halfway through, I wished I hadn't been thinking like an idiot. Those Fiction books were really messing up with my mind. But I was addicted and I couldn't stop reading, so I didn't feel right blaming those. Right, blame yourself again! The whole world could collapse and you would still think it's something you did. 

I just kept on walking, trying to ignore the nudges in my head and not giving any attention to the hyper words forming in my brain. That's when it happened. The same time I sighed loudly, tired with all the over-thinking, a loud thunderclap sounded and with a roar and an almost shrieking rage, cracks opened up on the street! And I mean really huge cracks, the ones you wouldn't want to be right in the center of, which I was, then! Considering my luck, what happened next shouldn't have surprised me, but hell it did! It scared me to death and I sent out a silent plea with an apology to God for thinking about His mood swings earlier. I shouldn't have thought like that. Heck, I shouldn't be thinking anything at all! It always meant trouble! But it was too late. I was already off my feet, swirling in mid air, tumbling into the darkness in the depths of the Earth.

It felt like an hour had passed and I was still floating and swirling. All that swirling might have looked graceful if I hadn't had the expression of terror all over my face. Really! Trust me to get stuck inside the Earth's crust while I should have been back home with hot hot samosas! Home! What would my family be thinking right now? It certainly could have been an hour already. They would be worried sick! And oh, the road had sealed itself, I saw it too. Just awesome. I had pinched my arm to check if I was sleeping or something, but it really hurt, so I know it's no freaking nightmare. When was I ever going to land? What if I went on like this forever? The thought finally struck a nerve and I yelled. Loud. And tears came streaming down as I went further than anyone on the whole planet (the universe?) could ever have dug.

I had strong arms around me, but they were gentle. As I moved and breathed loudly, the owner of those arms seemed to stifle a laugh. Really? What had happened? I was supposed to be dead, for heaven's sake! Buried deep under the Earth, or probably still floating. When did I sleep? Or did I really die? Is this heaven? Can't be. I wasn't the heaven kind. Well, not the hell kind either. They would have to create something of a cross between heaven and hell for me. I risked opening my eyes and almost fainted seeing a huge human guy with me. But he looked evil. Hell? Please God, no. I wasn't too bad, or was I? 

"Oh, you're awake now? Sweet", the huge evil guy said. More like croaked. Just that it was a loud croak and not the froggy kind either. Well, whatever. I wasn't going to get into details. Might as well try to get the hell out of here if I could. "What is this place? Who are you?", I sputtered while getting up and moving away from his huge arms. A grin spread across his face as he studied me carefully. "You definitely know me and this place", he replied all majestic. What is he being majestic for? Is he a king? An evil, ugly king of the Underworld? Oh shoot! That's it! The Underworld! The king! No, no, no.... it couldn't be. H...H... "Hades?" I gasped!

He seemed to roll his eyes. No kidding! The freaky ruler of the real Underworld rolled his eyes at me! I wanted to click his picture. What a story to tell! Hades rolled his eyes at me! LOL! But then senses returned and I was gradually filled with real dread. What did it mean? What am I doing with Hades, of all life forces in the universe? And where is his partner, Persephone? He stopped rolling his eyes and asked me, "Have you got it all figured out or do you want me to tell you?"

"Of course you're supposed to tell me every single thing, how I came here, why am I here and where's your Persephone, you weather-changer'' I spoke the last two words with as much venom I could muster. He seemed to be offended though, if the dark look in his eyes could just be anger at the offence. It seemed to go much deeper. Yikes! First, get into the Underworld of all places and then make Hades, the God of death, of all Gods, angry at you. Just like the kind of thing I would do.

He growled. "All right human. Listen to this. I get Persephone for six months for company. I'm sure your stories would have told you that well enough. Humans are way too good at guessing stuff. Anyway, did any of your kind ever think how lonely I am the rest of the six months? I'm pretty efficient in my duties and can do them in a jiffy. I need some nice company because I've been planning unnecessary deaths since the past few months and have gotten the real ultimate warning from the Council of Gods and if I don't have anyone sensible to talk to, there would be human deaths in thousands, especially in those six months. Not to mention I'll get chucked out from the Council and stripped of half my powers. Half because I can't leave many old ones alive out there, can I? Imagine a world with oldies aged 200 something, still alive! So, my dear, I need you to stay here with me and fill in for Persephone's absence for six months".

I could only gape at him like a fish out of water. It was completely insane. The God of the Underworld, wanting me to be his company? For six whole months? Some nice scene it would be, with me showing up at home after six months of thought-to-be-dead! And then vanishing for the next six months! He continued without any concern about my thoughts that seemed to be rushing out and tumbling over each other, almost as if he couldn't even see how I was coping with the news. Great company he would be. "And never mention that weather freak in my domain. I'm not on speaking terms with Poseidon and I would prefer if you wouldn't mention him again". Poseidon? "Isn't Poseidon supposed to be God of water?" I snapped. Yeah. At Hades! He was even messing with my GK. He seemed to find that funny, though. "Yes, he is. But he also controls the rain and the weather". Then is mood darkened again. "The freak got an undeserving promotion!" he spat. 

Okay, enough of this. "What about my family? And why did you choose me, of all the sensible people who  you could have chosen?" I almost pleaded. Why the hell was the God of Underworld looking for me in the first place? Was I anyway going to die or something? "I'm not even good company. All I ever do is read books. And Facebook. You should have an account. Maybe we could stay in contact that way? And what will I do when I'll show up at home six months later?" I was almost crying again, but I didn't want to do that. Show Hades the sign of weakness? Naw.

"Oh, that!" he said, almost.....triumphantly? He was definitely happy about something. Almost like.... I had surrendered. Which, I realized, I had. Idiot. I might as well die here and leave my death on his conscience. Umm.. can you die in the land of the dead? "Don't worry about it, dear one. Mortals have been chosen by Gods to act as companions at their birth. You always have vivid dreams, don't you? Those that seem to be very close to reality? Your dreams are all monitored by the Council who makes sure you're provided with enough details to make your companionship as pleasant as possible, that you know a few things about how the world is really being run. And I chose you because I know you love books and so would know something about me and my place. I checked your bookshelf. I really like Rick Riordan. His Percy Jackson books say a lot about us Gods with great precision. And I see you've also read Abandon. Not a bad effort by Meg Cabot either. I know you've been looking forward to her new release, Underworld? I have it here, just for you."

They're monitoring my dreams? My space, my special dreams!!! And oh! I'm so cool. The only person in the universe who'll be reading the book 'Underworld' in THE Underworld. Clap, at least!  He continued, "Also, no need to worry about your parents. Time here goes by really slow. You must have taken at least an hour to land here plus this another hour now. However, if you were above, the time with mortals would have been just 1/70th of a second. So, by the time you complete your six month stay, you'll be gone just a few hours. And I've got it all figured out about how to make up for the time you're missing. Know John, from Abandon?" He smiled. Quite some satisfied smile that was. 

I had to make real effort to stop myself from getting on my feet and start running away, not that I could have done that anyway. I was stuck in the middle of Underworld with no clue how to get out. Did those stories tell about this? Why hadn't I read the whole series? I wanted to cry and throw a really bad tantrum. I wanted to scream and throw punches right in his gut. I wanted to scream, to yell so loud that my voice went all the way to my home, to my dad, to my mom, to my brother, to anyone who could listen and who hadn't realized I was even missing! My favorite word kept hitting me. WEIRD. But all I did was fall right in a crumpled heap and cry my eyes out.


  1. Okay its wierd that I still don't know how you intended it to be, but when I started reading it, a smile appeared on my face, then reading on that smile grew bigger and bigger, then chuckles in between and then a grin which went on and on increasing until I really couldn't stop laughing out loud. Wierd no! So wierd.Yaaa

    Until the last line which felt a little sad, I was all laughing and picturing your account of things and laughing more. It can't get wierder than that. But I absolutely love wierd, so its okay.

    Ashna, I am really amazed at how amazingly amazing post you wrote, even though I know I shouldn't be, but really this post made my day amazing, in the most literal sense of it. :D
    10/10 for the post.

    1. I would be wrong if I don't tell you that your comment equally made my day. Thank you so much for reading this and for the very kind comment :D

      Okay, I wanted this to be a scary account. I know funny things were there, but seriously? Nothing scary about it? :| Why is it that when I want to make it a scary story, people end up laughing at it! I'll work on it, Thursdays are all about supernatural ;)

      I meant it to be... well, something that has a kind of fantasy in it. It can be anything simple, with a little bit of divine/supernatural stuff. I know I got kind of carried away while writing this one and the final thing was not what I had intended it to be, but I liked it, so it's just this way :)

      PS- how do you italicize text in comments? I haven't been able to do that. Weird! :P

    2. Put the text you want to italicize in this,

      <.i>Your text here<./i>

      minus the dots (the ones in bold)

    3. Like this? Oh yeah, I got it! Thanks! :D

  2. haaaaaaaaaaaaa.
    Wonderfull.Though first time i read someones post like this,that too patiently,and ya without tea or anything, just rolling my fingers in my 'GOTI' throughout.
    But a damn good one.

    1. Hehe.. thanks Vivek! Glad you could read it through! :)

  3. I actually swam through the post, Ashna. This is the first time I have read something so deep, so different and something amazing. I could actually make out scenes, imagine you through the story. And you what the best part is? This kinda stuff, the beautiful stuff, only you can write and depict with such intricacies and deftness.

    At the end of the post, I forgot it was a blogpost, for a split second, I thought I was reading a book!

    About the funny stuff, you know what's funny? You eating Samosa's which, even if you decided you want to eat, you couldn't eat them in the end. Scooty pe jana chahiye tha! :P
    Leo says you deserve a pat on your back for this one!

    1. I just loved your comment Rachit! :D VERY kind of you to say all that. Yeah, while writing I too forgot it's supposed to be a blogpost and 'small' :P but I'm happy you read it in a go and liked so much! All that reading's finally coming out in this way! :P

      I so love my scooty, but it would have happened anyway, no? Then even my scooty would have had to endure the Underworld! ;)

  4. Ashna, you. Are. Awesome. When I started reading the post, I had no idea what to expect—and "your" thought processes were so convoluted that I was like, "Hey, hey, what's going on?"—but as Hades came in, I couldn't stop laughing. I imagined the one from the Disney movie Hercules, though, not someone ruggedly handsome. Perhaps it was the humor! ;) It made me grin to no end, though, and I even found myself laughing aloud when he talked about your being with him for half a year, you mentioned that you could stay in contact through Facebook, and when he "checked your bookshelf". GIRL.

    I have a bit of a thing for dark gods, but this really made me think that if he'd chosen me, especially with the quick running of time, I would've gone for it. Hades and I would've been sarcastic the entire six months! Maybe "I" should join you and make him enjoy... or get so tired of us that you can head right back up, grab your samosas, and go home! Game? Game! ;)

    1. I totally get your point Kathe! It started with something and ended up being something else! I had to edit the introductory para for that! :P I had no idea what to write, I just went on with the 'flow' inside mt head, hence, the result!

      I was imagining the Percy Jackson Hades, hence, the guy ;) I'm glad this could make you laugh! :D

      Yesss.. I'm definitely game if you could accompany me! I could sit by and enjoy your bickering with Hades! ;) Why go home if you're there too! We could even click pictures and show off a bit later :P

      Thanks for the super awesome comment! :)


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