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Thursday, December 10, 2015

Metro Diaries #7: Sweet Revenge

Remember how I'm spending two hours at least in the metro train every day 'cept Sunday? (No? Why are you even here? Go read my previous posts first.) You thought I was done with metro posts? Have you ever been more wrong in your life or what! When you have to suffer (safar) for so long in the women-only coach, you're bound to have your mental peace shattered to bits. (Oh oh, there just broke out a high-pitched argument, as always, between a middle aged-older woman and a younger one, with the older woman, as always, trying to find 'space' and the younger one finally lashing out at her - "There is just no space! My size is such that I can fit anywhere, right? You're only creating trouble for others." Travels are interspersed with such amusements, sure.) Okay, perhaps not have mental peace shattered to bits, but they do make you clench your teeth so many times that your jaw bone gets weak and starts troubling you (true story. Who's going to compensate me for that? DMRC, or countless parents of these people?)

Anyway, while I had less time to travel or when I had friends to pass the time with, I stood well away from the seats. Who would bother about fighting to get a seat? But when there's nothing but early morning lethargy and a book to read and loads of time to stand, you can't really be so dense as to not look for a seat every day. If you don't, you might as well get your knees checked along with your jaw. So then I started looking for seats. That was when I was really initiated into the world of the seated and the seat grabbers.

Before I begin, let me take my revenge. You, Ms Red Sweater (such a glaring, tacky shade, too), you took the seat I was supposed to get by asking the aunty to shift in front of me where I was going to sit, and parking your bum into the now-empty slot in front of you, all the time acting as if it's nothing. You're one heck of a sinner, madam. And ugh. Your super red lipstick is a really gross shade.

The Seat Grabbers

Apart from the kind mentioned above, seat grabbers do the following:
(What luck. Just got a seat thanks to millions getting off at RC station, and sitting next to Ms Red Sweater. *minimizes brightness*)

1. Grabbers standing so close to the seated that they might as well be sitting on their knees (which could be another possible cause for early arthritis). There was one lucky day when I had a seat and it was the rush hour. I was absorbed in a book when I first felt something brushing my face. It was a lady's handbag, with the lady herself wedged in the space between my feet.

2. Sympathy gainers: (excluding real cases). Some people will try getting a seat by way of sympathy (apparently, it is is not dead). These are the people who make such innocent, tired faces that people feel sorry for them and automatically get up for them. Sometimes they'll look at a seated person with such a pleading look that when the person has to vacate the seat, they'll give it to no one but the sympathy gainer.

3. Aunties: Some of them would say stuff like, 'beta badon ko seat de do' or would just huff and pant so much that someone would give them their seats just so they don't look like sadists.

4. Centre of Attention: They're always at the centre of the doors on the platform. The logic (according to them) is that the lines on both sides are made up with fools who don't know how to grab a seat (or how important it is). They want to be the first to enter the coach to get a seat. They don't really give a fig to others. They'll blatantly flout all rules, and barge in as soon as the doors open even if they can see they're likely to collide with bulging tummys. (Not even belonging to women. Ugh!)

5. Those who let all traces of niceties vanish when they hurry to the seat everyone can see you are about to occupy (which takes you a couple of seconds because you don't want to seem like one of those people who're greedy for a seat). And when someone else grabs it right from under your nose, all you do is to try to maintain a calm face and pledge to take your revenge by writing about it (and them).

Ouch! (Added in haste: There are also those who come running to occupy the seat next to you and end up stamping on your foot.)

The Seated

Only one category comes to mind, thanks to recent interactions with them. There are people who won't budge from their seats until the door to their station opens!! OMG. I really think there's something wrong with these people. Why are they so insecure about seats? The other day, I got about half a bum's space to wedge myself in, and since I had 40 more minutes to go, I thought I might as well just sit on whatever's given. The next station was RC and an unbelievably thin girl went to the doors, leaving her space for me. It was so tight a space (made more difficult by the sad fact that I'm expanding at the rate of the Big Bang) that I was about to slide down. Half a minute passed and the two women on my sides did not even budge. (Fyi, when someone sits like this next to me, I shift as much is possible without getting on to another lap to give the newly seated as much space possible to sit comfortably.) The train stopped at the station, and as I was a centimetre away from sliding down, I thought of getting up, when something really weird happened. The woman on my right and her companion next to her got up to get down at the station where the train had stopped!!! Have people absolutely no sense? If they can SEE (heck, the whole coach could see) someone about to fall down, and you KNOW you're going to get down at just the next station, can't you manage to stay standing for two minutes? Good lord. I'm quite positive I lost any remaining dregs of hope for humanity then.


I've typed this in the metro while going to work. First, I have no time left for writing blog posts while I'm home. Second, I'll be too busy for the next couple of months, so please if you don't get a post, don't leave! (Honestly though, I'm saying it to make you feel important. It's not like you read or comment anymore, do you?)

PS- I do give my seat to people who really need it, but sometimes when you're tired and want to sleep and have been granted a nice seat because you travel so far, you really don't want to sympathise with others. Think about it, does anyone sympathise with you (unless you're fainting)?
(My laptop with a new motherboard and newly formatted still works like a sloth, so I'm not bothering with a picture for this post. Time is a rare commodity, people. You'll realize it one day.)



  1. I am reading and commenting too, Ms Banga. This post is such a refreshment to the memories of once-upon-a-time. While some of these things I might not have noticed in the men's(everyone's) coach, some were exactly like I have sometimes seen. And bloody hell, are they irritatting or what.
    Of those I can clearly remember, are,
    - those who come stand so close to you, they might even be considered for a case of harrasment. One brake and they would fall on your face.
    - running inside like breaking out of a prison after a lifetime or something, and to grab a seat. And in the process, even when you are trying to enter like a sane human being, pushing you with a jerk and making you stumble and not even knowing what they had done, let alone apologise for it.
    - leaving their seats after the doors open to their station. those people a dark blobs on the pearly white fabric of humanity.
    - many more

    Thank you for writing this post, although I do think that your words of revenge were very quite nice and not as revenge-y as that red evil deserved, but anyway, you're a nice person so it is okay. :P

    Like this post, you too are a rare commodity as a metro traveller. *wink wink*
    Keep rocking!!

    1. Hiaa! Thanks for your comment, mister :P Also for reading, as always. ^_^ Your points would be included in some future metro post. And yep, memories. *_*


I would like to hear what you have to say.. :)


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