Read THIS First ..

Read THIS First..
Each word on this blog is the original creation of the writer. You better not copy it!
No comment is directed towards any individual/group.
Happy Reading!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Bidding Farewell......

Almost three years ago
I feel uncertain as I enter the gate cautiously, trying to subdue the new-to-the-place-and-I-don't-know-a-single-soul feeling, doing best to look confident, stealing glances to find a single face I can recognize. None. I stand for a while with the nervous crowd near the gate, trying to see where to go. I see parents accompanying laughing kids, so sure of themselves, knowing where to go and what to do. I feel so lost, so vulnerable. The crowd moves and so do I. I settle along with others, finding a seat at one of the corners and trying to make myself invisible, not even bothering to settle somewhere near the pedestal fans. The heat is searing and the tent doesn't do anything to stop it. I find myself once again trying to locate a single face that seems familiar, but then I give up too soon. What with my inability to process and retain faces and places, it's a very big deal that I've made it to the right place. I hear the speeches, watch the performances and study each teacher as they move around, guessing who could be those I'll be seeing regularly in the next three years of college. 

The official orientation is over and we're supposed to move to our respective department rooms, for a different kind of orientation. Why don't they just leave us already?, I think agitated. I didn't even hear properly what room I am supposed to go, just some computer lab. As I'm mindlessly moving with the crowd again, not even knowing where my crowd is, I feel a surge of anger for my parents. Why did they have to be so busy, not even accompanying me on the first day of what I called (or thought) was my independence! Wait, independence. That's why. I'm supposed to be free and not depend on my parents any more. Before I could think of any more accusations, I see a pretty face and I know she'll be in my course! I've definitely seen her somewhere! I go up to her and ask some specifics and I'm glad to know she'll be with me, in the same course. I walk with her and her mother to the lab, feeling as if I already knew where it was. It's then that I start to look around. 

It isn't really bad. Fascinating, rather. Trees, plants, lawns and in the middle of it all, two dilapidated classrooms. That's where the teachers said we'll have classes. Cool, I think, considering how I love peace and quiet. That's how it all started. Looking forward to every new day, stuffing down canteen food standing outside the classroom because the teacher had the class started, doing activities in large groups, having coffee when the class was going on, laughing over things generally not 'laughable', taking care to dress up nicely and complimenting each other, finding out new places to hang out, joining societies that have made remarkably memorable memories, group studying and then deciding it's not really a good idea since no one actually studies anything, cursing the system when we spent hours just to submit our fees, cramming answers two minutes before the exams and also seeing a few friends gradually drift away, to see the class forming unique groups, seeing the all pervasive change taking over our lovely huge group and disintegrating it into so many pieces, each a different hue.

At Present 
I'm moving around the place as if I own it! I'm aware of every piece of land and just about many many familiar faces. I catch a few eyes and return the smile. I'm moving with a purpose and know where to go, know who to look at and who to avoid. :P I've got my friends and I'm no more a loner. That sweet face I first saw is still there, walking beside me as my best friend, just like every day of the three college years. I sometimes don't like the stairs and the new building, that made us leave our quiet spot after a year of enjoyment. I don't like the way this is so crowded and that I've to bump into unknown faces sometimes (can't help my clumsiness!). Still, I appreciate it. It just shows my college is on the path to development (not my cheesy line, I think I heard it somewhere :P). I sometimes miss those faces who we used to talk so much to, from whom we took advice on matters I now consider worthless. Even then, there are new faces and new personalities, but definitely there isn't that spark I knew in the seniors.

Now, when I move around college, I take special care in taking in each place and the memories associated with it. It's amazing how we haven't left a single tree unattended! There's almost something I can think of with each place, each step. I walk slowly, as if my days are numbered here (um..which is true, by the way) and try to take in as much as possible. I smile more, love more, laugh more and whine less. After all, it's going to be just a few more days I'll be there, before the three years of college come to an end, before I move up to some other place, some other aspect of my life where I'll probably feel slightly more confident (and yes, independent), but where I'll have to once again, begin the search for faces I would want to know more about.

As we're decking up ourselves for the Farewell party, I remind myself once again that it isn't going to be like the previous two years. We'll get on beautiful clothes and make ourselves crazy over it, but we wouldn't be enjoying the proceedings watching the final year students walk up to the stage to gather their titles, it would be us who'll be the ones anticipating the proceedings, going up to the stage, saying farewell and bidding adieu to what could be some of the best years of our lives, with many memories that can make us live a lifetime... Just like someone ancient like me could say, I'll miss every being, every plant, every place I walked with wonderful people, knowing I couldn't ever get or experience something like this ever again. 

24 comments:

  1. I know this feeling. It's terrible, an inevitable goodbye perhaps but I love your positive feeling Ashna. And I absolutely loved this Peter Pan quote. It's so so very true!

    Hope you always get such wonderful moments in your life where a goodbye means 'I'll never forget you because we'll keep in touch'. Blessing and well wishes! :')

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your wishes :')
      I had the best possible moments and found the best possible friends here. I'll definitely miss it like anything!

      Delete
  2. At last, an entry after such a long time.

    I love the way you describe situations, how you see them. And, one of the most unique and amazing thing about your posts is the positive vibe they emanate. Always. :)

    It's a sinking feeling leaving a place like college. But then, that's what life's all about. Moving on to the next stage, keeping the beautiful memories with us, safe. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'At last, an entry after such a long time'- I know, I know. I even feel shameful! And I haven't even started working on the makeover. :|

      I'm a positive being (being negative is so wearing and I'm too lazy :P) and I'm glad it shows in the writing, which is one of the ways I can spread it.

      I'm hating the feeling though. I've come to love just about everything. A person like me can get emotionally attached to even the staircase. And saying goodbye to the best things is the hardest for me and I know I won't be getting the same thing ever again. Nevertheless, it's about time! Three years can be wearing :P

      Delete
    2. 'Emotionally attached to the staircase' ?? Oh yeah, I know that thing. Trust me. :p

      Delete
    3. Trusted :P
      I don't know what I would write about if it weren't for the weird things I do or feel :P

      Delete
  3. WOW....beautifully expressed the mixed feeling at such times :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for reading and the comment Me. :)
      I love feedback- it makes me feel glad that amazing people read the posts :)

      Delete
  4. You have an art to express urself ...........may God bless u n fulfill all ur dreams...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and the wishes :)
      I really appreciate it. Though I wish you'd left your name. If you read this, do leave your name. :)

      Delete
  5. well said... i think these are the mutual feelings of all of us who r going to leave d college.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Su. I'm gonna miss you guys like anything! :')

      Delete
  6. This was such a touching post Ashna!
    The feeling has finally settled down that we are leaving college.. :/
    I don't want to go!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me neither! :|
      Let's just put in a request to the Principal to start an MBA course in DDUC? :P

      Delete
  7. Ashna, what if I say that the first half of the post is absolutely in sync with my case as well. A strange lonely feeling shadows us initially as we step into a place where every single face looks like a total stranger..but gradually, we all become friends, form our own groups..the group disintegrating at times, only to be remoulded into a far stronger group built with trust and friendship.....you described everything so vividly..loved it all...:)

    Can understand the hollow feeling that leaving the college brings with it. Recollections of all the wonderful moments wholeheartedly spent does conspire a stabbing pain in the heart...

    Lovely post..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree with you, totally. I'm glad you could relate so well with it. Thanks for the comment :)

      Delete
  8. Finally a post, Ashna! :)
    I had the same, sad sinking feeling when I changed schools or moved from school to college! I have three more years before I'm done with my course and can't wait for it to get over. But I know I'll miss college in the last few months. Transition is tough. Hope you adapt well and make more happy memories!
    I love your positivity (been said too many times, I know you must be bored of hearing it, but couldn't restrain myself :D)! :)
    Keeeeeeep writing! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'I can't wait for my course to get over'! That's the feeling in the beginning! But if you just free yourself from the thoughts that your course is useless or the college isn't good (these were my thoughts in the beginning! :P), it will be a much more enjoyable experience! Go join some creative society and indulge in activities you couldn't do in school. You'll love your course/college! :)

      Thanks for all the wishes and the lovely comment. I appreciate every bit of it. Anddd who doesn't like to hear some praises? ;)

      Delete
    2. Haha Ashna! :D
      I'm enjoying the Debate, Literary and Creative Art activities in college! But not the study part! :P

      Delete
  9. Hope everything is all right on your side! Been a VERY long time since you updated.. Take care. Hugs! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! I'll make up for it really soon! Promise! :P
      You can check my book blog till that time, I post there more often! :)

      Delete
  10. Miss your old blog background! Been a long time, how are you? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I miss it too. I'm good as ever! :)

      Delete

I would like to hear what you have to say.. :)

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...