I have no clue what I'm supposed to call this feeling, this inner desire to just start typing down here, despite the fact that I have an exam after exactly 43 hours and I still haven't picked up the book to revise (it's lying by my side, looking SO innocent but so not tempting!). Funny how everything seems like an unexplored territory during exams and you can't help thinking about things you otherwise won't, during 'normal' days. For instance, I love making (and experimenting) different kinds of teas during exam days, which is quite funny because I'm just averse to the idea of having anything to do with cooking. And kitchen. I prefer being the consumer. Always. :P
Anyway, just a little while ago (when I had the book in my hands) random thoughts flowed into my small head and the need to put some of them down was too overpowering, because well, it's a small head and needs to be de-cluttered so that some of the stuff that would be useful in the exam could make it's way in. Oh God! This is what exams can do to my sense of humor!
Or worrying too much about what other people might be thinking about them. Why do they worry at all? Do those 'other' people even matter? Think like this- those who matter are the people who love you unconditionally. Even if you spill over a drop of soup or have your shoes covered with mud or waste, they're not suddenly going to hate you for it. Besides, people only think of you as you think of yourself. It's simply your choice to either make a sorry face and just stand there admitting you forgot the lines in the play, or instinctively cooking something up and sprouting with confidence, ending up as a star!!!
Another thing is having too much on your plate but still continuing dropping dollops of workload, side by side trying to ensure the stuff doesn't start leaking off the plate. You bet it will. Eventually. Can't we just do one thing at a time? Slowly, gradually, understanding and enjoying it completely before we move on to the next? But I guess for some people it isn't even a choice anymore. It's a lifestyle, especially if you are a kid. I've seen kids under ten years of age going to school, dance class, music lessons, abacus, some evening sport club- all in a SINGLE day!!! What's up with the parents anyway? I'm glad a lived a cool life as a kid, inventing my own games, choosing my own friends and having fun in my own way!
Anddd the thing that's digging into my head since a long time is- why do people choose to smack their heads, literally churn out their brains and molest the keypad by typing-deleting-typing-deleting-typing out words that are just so hard? I mean, it's great to have a good vocab and even greater if you use it into your language or into your articles easily; but when you actually chew off your fingernails trying to think of fancy words to include into your text, is it okay? I might be hauled off by the ethical police for saying this, but unless it's an essay that will be marked or something as or even more important, why spend time worrying over it? I know I can write a well worded essay, with fancy words we usually only see in dictionaries (actually we don't even notice them in dictionaries), but when I'm typing stuff here, on my own blog, about my own, personal thoughts, shouldn't I just write what's coming into my head? Agreed, I need to make it comprehensible, but I'm just not going to fret over how there are so many million words in the world and I need to use so many of them? Well, it's a personal thought and others' views might differ.
It's MY choice how I choose to live. It's simple. And I love it that way. :)
God! See the exam magic? I've actually talked sense! Since a long time! Why doesn't this magic work with the exam subjects? We could actually get a lot less stressful then. And a lot more intelligent, since exam marks tell us how good we are, forgot? :P
Now I have a suspicious feeling that the green book's going to be upset with me. What if it doesn't let me read from it? I guess I better start, getting 'marks' is SO important!
Another profound and thoughtful post coming by you Ashna! Nicely written!
ReplyDeleteWe people have this bad habit of churning snobby tensions and worries from otherwise smooth life! It's a general human tendency to make a cobweb of unnecessary things around him and then strive for freedom. But then isn't it how we love and live with ourselves? :D
Thank you Rachit.. :)
ReplyDeleteA few,no, rather numerous instances were floating around in my head today and I realized how we're running around in dizzying circles when it is actually possible to live simply. You're right when you say it's human tendency. I agree. :)
Ashna, this post of yours is a stark resemblance of my confusions and thoughtlessness about my writing.
ReplyDeleteI write-delete-think-write-delete-leave it for later most of my posts. And in pursuit of a post that is so near perfect or well researched i end up forgetting why i started to write on it in the first place. Results are more drafts, negligible amount of posts.
So, thanks for writing this one, it'll definitely have an effect on me at least. :))
Usama, this post was a result of the mindless flow that came gushing out when I just couldn't study anymore. I'm surprised you got something to learn from it!
ReplyDeleteIf you're researching and writing, that's actually really good. The posts come out meaningful. I just meant that in the context of personal things and thoughts we write on our blogs. Isn't it for ourselves first? Write it the way YOU want it, not how someone would like to read. That's it. :)
Nicely Written Ashna. I could, in fact relate to this "mindless" offering of yours!
ReplyDelete..Keep writing!
Thank you Anupam. Glad you could relate to it :)
ReplyDeleteSometime back I found my friend muttering, "I have made my life complicated myself." Well, it surely is true. Our petty lives are already preoccupied enough, that we just help to add the icing to it by our not-so-important tensions.
ReplyDeleteLife is simple, it should be followed with a dimple.
Simple living, high thinking! :)
And, of course, I can surely relate what effect the exam black-magic can have on you! Even the worst of things seem tempting during these days!
Nicely expressed feelings! :)
"Life is simple, it should be followed with a dimple" - Loved your words Akriti! Thanks so much :)
ReplyDelete