Born to Climb...

*Fiction*

I rolled down the window and half poked my head out, immediately feeling the sharp whip of cold air, making my hair fly out, all over the place. I involuntarily make a gasp and reduce my eyes to tiny slits when I hear that smug voice complaining, ‘Dad, she’s doing it again!’ I pull back in and give a deathly stare to that whiner of a brother. I saw dad smiling knowingly. I smiled too, he was the one who knew what it was all about! It wasn’t as if dad already didn’t know, I was right behind the driver’s seat in the car that was taking me to the place I’d been dreaming about since years!

I don’t know when exactly I decided to do mountain climbing. I don’t even know exactly when I started liking the idea, it just came and then stayed and grew until I went crazy over just the thought of it, read books and stories about mountain expeditions and started working out to get fit enough to not get rejected on health basis. I just got on a what-do-you-call-it, a “high”, thinking and imagining being on the mountains, first just because of the beauty, then I saw myself in proper gear, doing the hard stuff, using a climber’s language and terms! It wasn’t as if I’d been to the mountains many times before. It was just the opposite, rather. Just twice and I didn’t even ‘feel’ that feeling even until August last year when I was on a trip to Shimla. I just enjoyed the freshness and the beauty of the place, nothing more, nothing less.

But now was the time! I couldn’t stop grinning all the way to Uttarkashi, all the way to “the” institute with young girls and boys, super enthusiastic in their greetings, their excitement so contagious, I had a hard time breathing normally. The place was huge and just so... green? I never had seen so many greens together, with solid brown rows of uneven mountains in the background. There were three separate wings, a small one-storey building serving as the library and around 25 small cabins interspersed over the ground! Cabins! Just the kind of thing I'd love! 

“I wish I could pretend to be younger and stay here in this amazing place!” whispered dad, who I knew would have loved it as much as I would, but he was way beyond the age limit.

Xavi looked around with an expression of wonder and curiosity. “Are you sure you wouldn’t freak out and call us at 3am tomorrow and beg us to take you back home? Think about it, you’d be alone. These are all strangers. You don’t know one single person here.” As I gave him an exasperated look, he continued in a surprised tone, “I don’t just get how you act so brave! You want to do all kinds of scary adventure sports, you love horror stories, you’re willing to get lost in these huge mountains with total strangers, miles away from home, you’ll be living in camps, carrying tons of weight and stuff, and you still don’t get nervous? You don’t act like a girl and it’s scary!” He turned his irritated expression to dad to see if he agreed, who in turn, hugged me close.

Dad spoke in my ear so Xavi wouldn’t hear. “You know you’d love it. It’s an altogether different world. It’d be just you, your individuality, your beliefs, and all that love in you that will be sent out to these wonders around you. When you climb, it’d be you and the rocks, the magic will make you keep moving until you reach your destination. You’d feel no fear, no what-if, no scary propositions. Promise me, you’d just live in the here and the now. Don’t think about us, we’d be fine and happy knowing you’re enjoying here.” I again had that feeling of ecstasy just listening to his words. My vision blurred and I didn’t know if the tears were because of the happiness or because of the fact that I’d be seeing them again only after a month! I had never been anywhere without them. I guess it was a mix of both.

It was time. They had helped me register, followed by the verifications and check-in. I hugged them both, giving dad an extra hug for Mom, who stayed back home to overlook the minor construction work we were getting done. Xavi still looked dubious and I gave him my most-cheerful smile, making a last attempt to make him get it. I don’t think it worked, for he seemed to be even more doubtful than before.  I waved them goodbye, watching Xavi sticking his head out in the manner in which I had done. They gradually became a small golden spec that soon disappeared in the wisps of white smog, leaving me on my own, a different individual already, ready to take on the dream.

***

My roommate was a lean, wheat-complexioned girl who wore a perpetual smile and eyes round with excitement. “Hi, I’m Aamya” she said sticking out her hand with clearly bitten nails and shaking mine with enthusiasm. I was sure we’d be great buddies soon, as I get along well with people who’re just like me. Bitten nails, loose track pants and a casual tee paired with sneakers, mmm.. quite a lot like me.

***

5 days later

Mr. Raghuvan Veer (or RV, as we called him unoffically) came marching from his office door out into the base field where our group of 50 people stood waiting for our first ever outdoor climb. The ‘real ’one, we called it. We had been learning a lot about mountains, climbing expeditions, the methods, gear, people who’ve made history and all super exciting stuff, only that it had been theory. We’d be on the field in just a few more moments and the enthusiasm was so much there, I could swear I was able to just see it around everyone as a full body halo, just light blue in color. As RV ran an instruction to get organized as planned, we shuffled amongst us and I found myself in the second of three rows, with Aamya right behind me.

The session started and God! It was so much fun! We were bundled up with ropes and a harness, helmets secure, and instructed to work up on the fake rock wall, as high as we could go without the danger of a fall. Aamya and I had made a silent pledge last night that we’d be the ones to scale it the highest. Now as I looked at her squinting at the top, judging the height, I knew we could do it. We learned the different kinds of gear for different cracks and rocks for about an hour, before we were told to ‘let go and just climb’! Even though it was fake rock, gaining height gradually was deeply satisfying. Of course we fulfilled our pledge, the Law of Inevitability at its best.

***

10 days later

RV smiled and I couldn’t help grinning too, just like the other 49 who I bet, were already on that wonderful “high” I felt all the time in this place. From a book I had borrowed from the institute’s library, I read about this great feeling. It wasn’t just me, I had come to realize. All those amazing guys who’ve ‘been there, done that’ described it perfectly, ‘It’s pure ecstasy. You don’t believe in all the world there can be a feeling better than this. Your heart beats out loud, but it’s at peace. You are just ‘you’ and you can stay like that as long as you want. When you feel the rock under your hands and feet, you connect.’

This ‘connect’ thing seemed to be the only part of those lines that I couldn’t really identify with yet. I wanted to just rush out and start with the climb. It looked insanely beautiful, behind RV, the vast expanse and the majestic look. We’d be out there for 5 days at a stretch. Awesomely brilliant, I thought as we started up the slope in our planned formation.

It was just after lunch that we reached the real part. The trek had been smooth till now, a gradual slope. Now we faced a boulder the size of a multi storey building with many storeys in height and 100 times that in width, a big deal for us first-timers. As I fixed my gear on my backpack, I watched the others getting ready. Aadil and Maya, a couple in their early 30s seemed to be the most excited as they helped each other set up their gear. Their laughter ringed out around, causing others to be bold enough to laugh out loud too, releasing any sort of anxiety we might have had. I returned their thumbs up sign and waited for Aamya to check and recheck everything. “You got the clips?” she asked and I shook my bag in response, which jingled with the sounds of the clips. She smiled, “It’s going to be ah-mayzing! I just know. I can feel it. Can you?” I just adored this girl, she seemed to know the right kind of things to say at the right time and just when I needed them.

“Yes, I feel it too.” I say.

***

I finally came to understand what those guys meant when they said they could ‘connect’. It was purely, magic. You know, people should definitely encourage kids to read about magic. It’s real, it’s there and we need to keep our minds free enough from the usual clutter we’re surrounded with, to understand what the world is all about, how magic works, what life is all about. I could feel it in the rocks, hard, smooth, soft, damp, that sweet scent, the sense of wonder when you fit the right piece of gear at the right place. There was just me, my mind, my soul intertwined with that of the mountains, unaware of my body. It was just the climb and the rock and the peace about it all that mattered. I was a born climber, I knew it and here I was, living it up, making it true. Proof to the world that wishes do come true, that the greatest thing one can do is to connect with one’s own self, to achieve a sense of spirituality so deep it makes you forget about your physical presence and takes you to a plane you couldn’t have ever imagined.

I felt the edge first with my right hand fingers. Ecstatic, I clipped in the final gear piece in place and used it as a support to heave myself up. My right leg went first, followed by the rest of me. Yeah, I was very well aware of my physical presence now, not to forget the scars running in my right arm, but it was pure joy as I yelled an achiever's victory. I heard celebratory shouts from below, but I was again distracted by the scenes in front of my eyes. Those brown mountains I first saw from a distance was where I stood now, the camp site too far for me to make out more than tiny white dots. The wind was cool, not icy and I felt a slight shiver run through me, more from excitement and the zest of achievement. Here I was, miles away from the materialistic clutter, a real, living being in pure essence, united by my being and.... what is that? Uh.. I forgot, I'm not the only one. Aamya was scrambling up the top and I bent down to help her. "That was one hell of a climb, but I just loved it!" she exclaimed and then turned silent as we stood up and she saw all around. She spoke softly, as if the loud voices would disturb the peace of the place, "It's beautiful, no? I could stay here for ever and ever."

"Yeah" I said and smiled. "And it's only just the beginning." It took one more second to again get into that climber's high. It was too frequent and seemed to be the dominant feeling here. Well, that's the magic of the place, no?

The End

***

Aah! Now I’m feeling like myself again. This was fun. I mean, I actually had to work today, which was supposedly the only Saturday we got off in this semester (which ended yesterday, by the way. Say yay!). Obviously it made me even grouchier than I usually am. I still have a bit more to do, but I had to write this down. You know how it is, work and stuff can’t stop me from doing what I like! Anyway, I’m not sure how it’ll look like to you, all that I’ve written. I’m actually not qualified enough to write so much about something I’ve never experienced. But I still felt like it, based on how I imagined it could be, how it would feel like. If you know me well, you’d know I’d love to do this kind of mountaineering sometime and I hope I do. And when it does, I really wish it turns out to be even greater than how I expected it to be!

PS- This was also inspired by the book ‘Jump’ by Elisa Carbone that I’m reading currently. It’s about teenagers who’re in absolute love with climbing and about their adventure. I’m loving this book. The terms I used (including ‘gear’, ‘harness’, etc) have been used in this book and that’s how I came to know them! Also, this is sort of rock climbing, not mountain climbing. I fused them both!

PPS- I know the pictures aren't exactly related to climbing, but I wanted to include self-clicked ones only! 

Up in the sky...

The always downcast look

Moves towards the sky,

With rolling thunder, clouds

And rain, way up too high.

Majestic, a scarce beauty

She sees up above,

Watches what was once clear blue

Turn dark, swirling with love.

Fixated, she watched one

Dark dragon, emanating black fire,

Spread its wings over white-gold foam

Chase a grey lion, even up higher.

Another comes, shakes her

Back to ground, she sighs,

It had felt so heavenly, had fed her

Fantasies, she had loved those sights.

They stepped in the wet

Trod careful little steps,

Her focus now shifted, to

The muck, it might spoil her dress.

But the magic hadn't gone

A drop landed on her forehead,

Again she stopped, looked above

Letting the other move ahead.

There, mystified she stood

To fathom the beauty,

The dark, bright shades mixed

In pure joy, ecstasy, harmony.

A metal bird crossed

Her area of scrutiny, she stared,

In awe as it flew undeterred 

While she stood, as it poured, hardly cared.

The other turned back, gently took her hand

Wiped her tears along with the smears,

She smiled, lingered at the magical sky

Just for another while, back with happy tears. 

This attempt at a poem is to describe what I saw and how I felt while I was mystified with the beautiful sky! I just love the sky, for reasons I can't fathom. I mean, I even love photographing the sky, especially when it's cloudy. It's been raining for the past two days and I've felt overwhelmed with all the feelings it gives me. It's just magical. :) 

Also, this overwhelming feeling is because I have finals next week and you know how I get when I have exams. I can do any-crazy-thing but study. I mean, you know how I've been saying over and over and over how I can't just write poems but I feel like it and come up with one (however silly), when I feel this way. I haven't even figured myself out yet. C'mon people! Even if you didn't like the poem, wish me luck, no? Considering I haven't studied a thing yet. Good luck works! :D

Random thoughts: Silly mistakes!

I guess I don’t need to write it out. You know it’s a random post because I have too much of work to do. What, you didn’t? I guess you’re new here. Welcome! I’m a girl who has serious priority issues and who writes random stuff when she’s got too much to do. (Yes, I write first and then start with work, even if it misses the deadline. I just can’t stop myself from writing!) And just as an added thing, I think I have two or three (or, according to my wishful thinking, more than that) new people/bloggers who’ve dropped by this blog and read it too. I officially welcome you, unless of course you ran away after reading such stuff. *Sigh* It’s just your loss, you know. :P

Anyway, the case in point for this random post is ‘silly stuff’, which also happens to be my favourite topic right after clumsiness! For one, I’ve heard this word so much in my life I think I wouldn’t even have any vocabulary had I not been a reader too. According to dictionary.com, ‘silly’ is defined as 'weak-minded or lacking good sense; stupid or foolish, absurd; ridiculous; irrational'.

Ugh. I just prefer to call it the result of weird-things-you-do-or-say-which-makes-you-look-like-a-nutcase-in-front-of-rational-normal-people. This sounds better, right? I’m sure we’ve all been through things that are silly, or done silly stuff before. Or you might even be a borderline case like me, who can actually be defined by this word. (Not really, I just exaggerate a bit here. I’m actually quite awesome!) Whichever category you fall into, just think about things that you like to call silly. I’ll mention some stuff here too, but I’d like it if you stop reading, use your brains a bit (ahem) and think of some stuff and see if it relates to what all I’ve mentioned.

1. The stuff relating to exams

See, I’ve always been a bright kid in school (just because I didn’t have a life!), getting nice grades and all. It used to be a huge thing for me back then, good marks, that is. (Now? I just don’t care that much. We’d be a lot better if we stop judging ourselves based on stupid numbers) However, one tiny thing somehow always cropped up whenever I discussed the paper after the exam with anyone (read parents) and when we got the corrected answer sheets!

‘Silly mistakes’.

You didn’t put a negative sign, silly mistake.

You circled the wrong option in a hurry, silly mistake.

You did a simple calculation wrong, silly mistake.

I’m sure kids wouldn’t even know this word had it not been for teachers and parents complaining how their kid makes so many ‘silly’ mistakes. I even remember a teacher once saying, ‘there’s nothing like a silly mistake’. The rest of it would have been interesting had I remembered more. I just remember this much. Silly me.

Keep calm, y'know?

2. The stuff relating to clumsiness

Okay, I’m not obsessed with being tagged as a klutz, alright? I just believe that clumsiness goes hand in hand with being silly, maybe even as a best friend. Think, a clumsy person does anything funny, it’s almost always silly. When do clumsy people ever do anything that’s not silly? Dropping stuff is silly, landing on all fours randomly is silly, bumping into people is silly. What isn’t? It’s such a silly world, I tell you!

3. The stuff people do!

I find a lot of people silly. It’s a personal opinion and not really directed towards anyone in particular. Usually I just notice strangers properly, those people whom I know? I don’t even remember what they wore the day before! Anyway, about silly guys. They wear socks with floaters, too short tops with tights, they talk while they eat, they eat like gross while they eat, they overtake you while walking, hitting you in the process and look at you as if it’s your fault! Then, entering a Metro train talking on the phone and just standing so near the door that it might even hit them while shutting, that too when the rest of the coach is hardly full. Sometimes, people have headphones in their ears and they think they look cool while they don’t realize that their headphones haven’t been put in properly and we can also listen to that silly ‘uuunnnn....junuuoon’! Totally, ewww! Don’t freak out, but I even saw someone picking their nose in the Metro! (Gross, totally. *puke!*)

4. The stuff I do! :P

I don’t know what all can be categorized as ‘silly’, but I’ll post them anyway.

- Getting so sleepy in class sometimes (just sometimes), that I have a hard time keeping everything in focus. Like, really. All I ever see are blurring visions and it takes so much of efforts to just keep from dropping off. The worse thing? I usually sit in the front. Hey, it even happened today! Though the teacher was very good and the class very interesting, it was too long and there were these 15 minutes in between when I felt this way. I’m even putting a picture of how I wrote what she was saying! I actually wrote in a state of stupor and just see! I can’t even recognize the word! :P (Also, my handwriting usually isn’t this pathetic. In the first line, I don’t know what I’ve written. In the second line, the crossed out word was supposed to be ‘rigidity’. Imagine!)

Unbelievable, right? :O

- Again, get back to the classroom. Now, teachers should know that an average attention span is 30 minutes and humans need a tiny break, otherwise they lose concentration. But they don’t know this, I guess. As I happen to be a human too (don’t be surprised. I’ve had check-ups done and it’s for real), I tend to lose attention and weird things start forming in my brain. So while I’m constantly nodding or staring at the teacher, a scary scene forms in my head where the teacher stops speaking, looks at me, opens her mouth wide, wider and even more wider, the beginning of a huge outburst that happens a second later. She’s suddenly shouting, that too in a very weird way, not even in a voice like her own, yelling at me for not paying attention, while the class dissolves around us. And then I snap out of it and see the class going on as if nothing happened. Thank you fantasy books and over-active imagination. But hey, it works as a break and I concentrate better then. ;)

- Smiling at a random memory, at any place, any time. Has happened in classrooms, in the Metro, while just walking, sometimes realizing I’ve been looking at someone while smiling at the memories and literally running in case they get any weird ideas.

- It’s not just smiling. Sometimes, making up situations in your head (as in, when you anticipate something happening when it hasn’t happened yet) and actually thinking what you’d be saying and later realize that you’ve been whispering it out loud and it gets really weird if you happen to be in the Metro that time. It happened today too (God, I do so many silly things in just one day!) while I was passing time in the computer lab and no one was around. When the door opened it made a sound and I looked up to see a random teacher enter and throw a glance at me. She obviously would’ve thought I’m some nutcase, talking to myself. And the weirder thing is, if it’s something funny, I’d even laugh. Oops!

- Then there’s the usual forgetting names, faces (really), the timetable, homework, leaving friends behind in college, forgetting they’re there. (Seriously! I can be such a lost case at times!) Then, entering a bookshop and looking at the prices of books I may have got for free, or checking discounts or looking up quotes for bookmarks I make. Another thing, giving the smallest and bottom-most shelf of your entire study table to your college books and filling the rest of it with novels and other books! Well, that’s not silly. That’s just awesome! :D

Okay, I don’t remember more. Even if I do, I’m not writing, I actually have ‘homework’ to do. This was one silly post with so many silly things. The world’s just silly. Heck, even the word ‘silly’ sounds so silly! :P

So, tell me, what do you think is ‘silly’? Are you? ;)

Life as we knew it...

'Change', they say, is the only constant. I've never actually understood this line, so now whenever I hear it, I go, 'whatever that means'. But it still happens, right? There's change. More so when you're finally feeling comfortable and you don't want to move for a long long while, change will happen and begin a new process of 'adjustment' all over again. During a particularly boring guest lecture, I was reminiscing about the way life was when we were kids. (Not that I don't listen to guest lectures, but this one had exceeded the 'too boring' category) How it was so different from what it has now become. We were different. I guess it's because of the different ways of living (thanks to 'modernization') and because of the differences in our thinking as we grow up. Agreed? 

I'm yet again typing on impulse (I still haven't checked with a psycho-doctor for my priority issues :P) and I'll try to make it short as I want to get off the laptop to do important stuff like assignments (ahem). Okay, to read books. There, I said it. Happy to leave me embarrassed (not!)? 

1. Technology/gadgets

I'm going just 15-20 years in the past. OK, make that 15. I'm 20 and I'm pretty sure I hadn't started noticing 'life' as soon as I was born! Back then we had one landline phone set in a small shelf on a huge multi-purpose shelf and as far as phones go, that was that. The kids weren't supposed to pick up the phone if adults were home (which was always) and even if we did, we were made to learn basic 'phone etiquette' so that we wouldn't end up embarrassing our parents in case their boss(es) called. We turned teenagers and gawked over the Panasonic mobile handset that belonged to dad, very happy that we wouldn't again have to call up his office and have to listen to 'please wait while your call is transferred', whenever we felt like talking to him. And the best part? Everyone was always happy. No issues over missed calls, no fights over cell phones and we still stayed very well 'connected'.

Just thinking about the scene as it is now, gives me the shudders (the real ones, it's not just a phrase). Talking about how it is with us, who saw the landline phase and the entry of cell phones, I guess we're still handling it better (talking only about the sane ones). We all have our own cell phones now and personally, I feel we should get one only after school. It's such a distraction. I mean, yes, we do easily 'connect' and we have so many 'apps', those that can even count the number of steps we take while walking, but it doesn't mean we'll die without them. That's part of the reason why I'm still stuck to my basic Nokia. I just don't want my life to be dominated by a device that might just stop working tomorrow! I can't believe how we are so dependent on them now. As for the poor generation that's being manufactured born in the recent years, those guys have really been unfortunate. One, they see their parents so engrossed in cell phones that they want their own as soon as they start their 'boo baahs'. Tell me, don't you go all 'awww' when you listen to a young mom telling you how her 1.3 year old can effectively operate a mobile phone? I admit, I say 'nice' on the face too, but I actually feel disgusted. Do you even know how harmful it can be? 

Thanks to alarmingly huge developments in this field and due to the increasing 'trends' among kids and adults alike, kids as young as 10 years old own a Blackberry (I've seen!), gush proudly about how they spend their weekends on movies, trying different restaurants in malls and shopping. I'm not saying it's wrong, but why don't you take kids to parks and monuments, national museums, scenically beautiful places and natural wonders? But you get them playstations when they're hardly 5 (I've seen, again!) and then crib about how the kid doesn't do his homework. Puh-leez! People shouldn't be allowed to be parents unless they pass a test on 'effective parenting'! We're just creating machines, not people! The biggest drawback of this 'too-much-gadget-use' is the lack of empathy or 'people' skills they have. 

What's a life when you don't know how to think beyond your own self?

2. People, relationships and friendships

I'm almost on the verge of an angry outburst as I think about this. It's so sad! The external changes in the environment, in people around us, in our life, definitely bring a change in us. I'm not exactly the girl I used to be when I was in middle school, not like I was in high school, not like I was in college, maybe not even how I was yesterday (after a lot of thinking, I know it's true). We change, everyday. Most of it comes from the new way of living. We've found out simpler solutions and so we don't exert as much effort as we would have before. We don't mind sending kids for tuition even if they don't need it because everyone else is. We give expensive cell phones/iPads/iPods to our teenage children on their birthdays or just on days they get their report cards instead of that good old family outing and a toy they've been wanting forever! ('we' is a general term, don't take the pain of racking your brains trying to understand how I could have teenage kids :P) But then again, the kids don't want toys, do they? We've exposed them to so much of technology, they simply understand it as an imperative part of their lives. We've become more 'I-centric' than being 'We-centric' and we're just making our kids learn the same. 

Pic courtesy: Google ji!

Why have you ditched the joint families? Okay, don't live with everyone, but why move out from your parents' place? You don't live in the US or UK or other western countries. And don't tell me you actually don't miss their presence. Besides, your kids are missing out on the most important aspect in their lives-the love of grandparents! 

With simpler ways of living, we respected each other more. Relationships were formed not on the basis of the number of gadgets you have or the car you drive, but depended on what you are as a person. You said 'Hi' only when you meant it and got a reply with a warm and welcoming smile. You were happy, really, very happy. And then you decided that materialistic things were more important to you, that you could hit your kid easily if he made a scratch on your car's shiny boot. Really? Are you even human now? Just feel like sharing a personal example. I was small and loved to be creative. I loved crayons, paints, modelling clay, sketch pens and markers. And walls. I made a small drawing on a wall and turning back, saw dad. I guess I would have felt ashamed. But the next thing I remember, we had walls with scribblings (my younger brother would have obviously participated) and scratches and drawings done with crayons and pencils all over the room. It stayed like that for months! Or more, I don't know. The only restriction was that this activity was confined to one room- the main entrance, the drawing room. We had relatives from the US visiting us that time and one of them remarked a shocked 'What's this?', to which dad replied with a smile, 'Well, it's a drawing room'. :)

I heard this from mom while I was pestering her for incidents from the past. I'm willing to make a bet on the number of people these days would do this.

Coming to friends, it's relatively so easy to make friends as kids. We don't see how they look, what car they drive, where they live. We just see someone playing on the team we're put into and we're friends! Done!  We never ever think of what another would think if we make someone a friend, if we talk to anyone because we feel they have a lot to share that we'd like to know. It's simple and pure. And then we grow up and if we're some lousy 'Benetton-only-wearing' person, we'd probably be with similar people. We make friends strategically. Even bad, we like to make fun of people! (As if we're perfect our-self). We think we're superior and others are just stupid and not worth our time. Sometimes when we see another talking to someone, we wonder if they have any hidden motives. Maybe they're being friends because it'd be easier to do your work? Or maybe because they're interested in the other? Where is the 'we' of our past, where we never even considered such mundane things? 

Look around, there's a lot to see. People are good, and decent and simple. If they're handing out sweets randomly to our kid, it doesn't always mean they're thinking something weird. If they're just trying to talk/be friends, doesn't mean we over-think it. Stay cautious, but don't be harsh on the poor souls who might not even think that way! Grow up, but learn, too. 

Appreciate those who want you to smile. They're never the ones who'd ever hurt you.