The real, real world.

My life as a child was always guarded. No going out after dark, following rules related to play time and hours, no going out alone, no travelling on the roads, no going to friends' houses that are more than half a kilometer away, no staying over at any relative's (no matter how close the relation), no school 'counties' or picnics unsupervised by teachers. The fact that I was a book addict, craft lover, and generally loved spending time solving puzzles or drawing and creating things or playing our own version of Legends of the Hidden Temple with G, I grew up a guarded, careful person.

Most of the restrictions vanished when I began college, but the idea of caution was deeply ingrained, and even though I was naturally a super-adventurous soul always looking for action, what seemed on the surface was exactly the opposite. The main reason was that no matter how reckless I felt, there was always an edge of practicality. It seemed like I was missing out on things, but in reality, I was just keeping myself safe. Yes, there are a lot many proponents of the idea that you need to experience everything in order to know things, but I don't believe in it. Why do you need to go through a difficult situation that gives you pain? I believe that when you do encounter a difficult situation, you will anyway face it no matter what you've faced in the past. So if I decide to avoid situations that I feel would make me uncomfortable, then it's my right and well, I am right. :P

In this whole manner of growing up, I developed an idea, or rather, a way of thinking that made people say that I 'live in the clouds'. I was always optimistic for the most part, believed that whatever view I have of the world, it would be just like that, thought that good things happened to good people, that I will be all right if I did everything right. Most of all, I fought with the idea that I cannot live my life happily if I always stayed 'in the clouds'. It was a safe place, and I wanted to stay there. It was a good way to live life. I did encounter my own share of sorrows, but I was always hopeful.

Nearly a year after completing formal education, I still believe in all those things. After all, isn't it difficult to start thinking along different lines than what you've always been used to? But this time, it is slightly different. Even though I believe in all those things, I now also know the 'whys', I've also witnessed and understood things I never wanted to believe existed, and I've developed an even bigger need to stay closer to God. Thankfully, my core beliefs remain the same, but I will not hide the fact that living in 'real life' made me very sad. It showed me that the things I thought were so bad they shouldn't exist, would not just exist, but also exist eerily close to me. It's really strange how different everything becomes once you get really independent, and that in this city, is when you start working.

What made me sad?

- Looking at people making a living by fooling other people, and supporting all the wrong kind of things. The really worrying thing is, there seem to be so many people living along these lines, and what they wear as a facade is so convincing, that unless you have great observation and are not easily moved by marketing efforts (that is, if you are someone like me), you wouldn't even realize what kind of lies people live with. When you are used to being ethical and honest, you feel suffocated if you are put in an environment that thrives on lies.

If lying wasn't bad enough, there's this whole idea of showbiz, and by God, it is something I can NEVER like or appreciate, no matter how people might think it to be 'entertaining'. It is not entertainment to me, it's being vile and idiotic and making fun of people who don't know any better. And I loathe people who pull off lies as acts, not knowing how stupid they look to those who know the truth, and how they're being marked by God as mere idiots who are spoiling His world. Besides, people (businesses, politicians, marketers) who make it a business of cheating people, not only cheat those outside the organization, but also their own employees.

- Looking at people who are just so delusional. I cannot stress on the gravity of delusion so many people seem to be living in. One category is that of the super-rich who believe they can buy their way into anything. And the sad fact is that they usually can, and then they believe that they're the winners. Another category belongs to the self-obsessed people. But then, what can we say about the common people if the head of the country is the biggest of them all? 

- Realizing that good can happen to people who are good and also to the vicious ones. The same goes for difficulties. God made us all equal and he treats us equally. Karma takes its own role, but for the most part, what happens to us depends on our own selves - are we a minority caste in a bigoted country? Are we poor? Do we have 'contacts'? How you enjoy the good and avoid the bad are basically based on these factors, not God.

- Witnessing alarming amounts of mindless, idiotic acts every day. People seem to have lost all faculties of mental reasoning. Life seems artificial when you look around and feel that so many young people prefer parties over spending time with family, prefer cricket matches and stupid movies over spiritual or intellectual talks, prefer spending thousands in one restaurant meal over giving a small bit of money to the homeless. Then there are events and acts that make no sense whatsoever. And let's not even begin talking about the differences in men and women. I cannot keep on harping about those, so I'll stop now and keep this post short. 

In between all this lies the happy world of a family and loved ones, best friends and of course, so many books waiting to be read. I've read such a vast variety of genres and themes, authors and writing styles in the past one year, that it makes me feel scared that I would die before I got to read them all! :P All this offers a constant assurance that one person can make a difference, and if you stay true to yourself and ignoring the negativity, try to spread the good things as much as you can, it will be all right. :) 

Life of a Social Recluse

Hello, dear blog! I haven't written in you since ages, and I realized that I would miss out transcribing life updates if I stayed away any longer. There hasn't been much in action, but at the same time, life has never been as good. Okay, it has, but this kind of good has come after a long time. I've had such a change in perspective on a lot many things, it feels like I've learned so much more in the past few months than in the past few years, and that I'm finally, 'living'.

Anyway, what I do these days is:

1. Spend hours each day excluding weekends at work, mostly reading, writing, reading some more and hoping against hope that my eyesight is not affected. The evenings are spent chilling at home, talking to friends, visiting relatives or the market or the park, reading websites and articles or for the most part, browsing the shelves for something new and interesting to read. Thankfully, I've managed to collect quite a bit. That reminds me, I've had people remark how I manage to get those books. What do you mean how I've managed? It is very much possible if you refrain spending on ridiculous restaurant food, if you don't over indulge in shopping, if you basically prefer books over anything else. It is very much possible.

2. Read different kinds of books, experimenting with genres I never tried before, and reading between the lines. This is one of the new things that has happened, for I no longer read just the words to get what has been written, but almost naturally, also look at the author's intention, writing style, phrases used, metaphors, character sketches, etc etc. I say naturally because I've been given a grand, vast view of the inside world of books, and it makes me just so curious to get to the depth of words! 

*_*

3. Getting an insider's view of the publishing industry has made me very happy indeed. It's not all glamour or as perfect as the final results a.k.a books are, but it gives me a lot of satisfaction. To be a part of the process that once made me very happy as a kid, is amazing. True, it gets dull and dreary every now and then. You get bored, doubt yourself, sometimes multiple times a day, get frustrated when things go slow, but it can be endured if you always have a larger goal in your mind, and you know that the dullness of the present is anyway important to help you achieve those goals. 

It sometimes gets sad too, when you realize that the things you consider sacred are not treated as well in the places where they are produced. There is a lot of work, and people get frustrated. Businesses need to earn money, and sometimes it feels like it is only for money that books get traded, which of course is not true, but it just seems like it sometimes. What is necessary is to stick to your own beliefs, treat books as sources of knowledge/wisdom/entertainment/whatever at your own end, and do your work to the best of your ability. It is also sad to see hundreds of people writing books. That's not bad, actually, but the fact that they are mostly overconfident people who already call themselves authors before being published, believe their work to be a masterpiece while it is indeed, for want of a better word, trash, is quite disheartening. It used to bug me a lot earlier, but now since I've grown used to it, I feel somewhat emotionless most of the times. But it still annoys me sometimes. People are seriously deluded.

4. Traveling in the metro has become ... monotonous and irritating for the most part. I so wanted to do a separate metro diaries post, but I don't think it would be well-deserved. Ever since the first women-only coupe started, I've always traveled in that, except for a few times. The trouble is that I'm not the only one who made that decision, so the first coach is always excessively crowded. You'd think that stuck between women (as a girl yourself) would be way better than being among creepy-guys-who-think-a-girl-in-their-coach-is-a-rarity (don't you go berating me for generalizing or whatever, because there are a lot of such creepy weirdos). Anyway, you might be right, but only partially. 

Now just imagine all these as
women, with cell phones and
earphones plugged in.

First, women have little regard for other women. I might be killed for this statement, but at least when it comes to traveling in the metro, it is true. There are good Samaritans too, but you would have to agree that: 

- A majority of women travelers will NOT budge more than a couple of inches when you need to pass them to get to the door because you have to get down at the next station. 

- You will find some who fix themselves at the doors, completely disregarding the crowd behind them. Incidentally, the fixture doesn't need to get down at the next ten stations at least. It just doesn't want to literally gel with the crowd. And to add to that, they have the audacity to look angry when you unknowingly push them a little while getting off. Sometimes I do not even push unknowingly, but it has no effect whatsoever. 

- Apart from Rajiv Chowk or other major stations with guards overseeing the queues on platforms, people will never learn that they are supposed to stand on the sides and leave space in between for those who wish to get out. In fact, if you are the ones standing on the side, you would be the last person to board the train.

- God save you during the rush hour! You would be squeezed in from all sides, your arms would be coiled around bulging waists of at least four different women, your nose would be desperately seeking a bit of fresh air, you would be assaulting your toes to stand a little higher to breathe in right at the air conditioners, your hair would be a foot or two away from your body, and the steady brush of hard cloth at your ankles would make you feel secure that your bag has not yet been washed away by the sea of jostling women. 

- There is something incredibly putting off about having cell phones in hand. Even when there is no space to stand. Even when other people are suffocating and struggling to stand on their own two feet, some people demand extra space for their cell phones, because they cannot bear to part with those even till the distance of their jeans' pocket. Urghhh!

- There has hardly been a metro ride where I haven't had generous intake of someone's gastric misadventure. Even in a fifteen minute ride.

5. I've taken to baking cakes! Yay! The fact that till date, the first two cakes were entirely flawless (one with eggs, one eggless) and the others were not-so-great experiments, doesn't matter as much because whoever talked about baking being such a stress-free activity was so right. There is something very relaxing about baking a cake. I was at first alarmed looking at the ingredients, going all 'Whoa. SO totally unhealthy', but once in a while is okay, I guess (or else all those with a sweet tooth would murder me anyway). 

Trust me, this was the most delicious experiment ever!

6. Feeling that gut wrenching feeling whenever I find a great children's book, because I don't know, I feel just. so. drawn to them! They're the best kind of books. Ever.

7. Making lists and lists of work and interesting stuff to do, to take my mind off life's lower aspects. Getting out of touch with some people, hearing ridiculous gossip in family gatherings, feeling put off with Facebook but not being able to get off it entirely, not having enough clouds during weekends for photography, to name a few. I've tried writing here a lot many times, but they've always ended up as drafts. I was a little peeved that I wasn't getting the time and energy to write here, but then as a friend helped me realize:

- I'm still working towards making a career in something I believe in, and love.

- I am anyway too blessed to feel jealous of anyone.

- This is my blog that I started purely for my own self, not to make anyone read it. So what if readers don't respond? The 2-3 people who matter, do. And that is really what one needs, innit? :) 

PS- Did you realize the post has nothing to do with the title? I might call myself a social recluse, but the real story behind the title is just this - type anything random if you don't get an idea within ten seconds. Tada!!