2016 Recap; Hello 2017!

Another year gone, seemingly in the blink of an eye (why o why? Take it slow, life!), and all I can think is, "THIS was the year of absolute changes and it's incredible how I've come to accept and embrace it." You know how I would always state that I don't really like changes, but then comes a time in life when you are so severely tested that it finally dawns upon your scorched soul that changes can be for the better and it'd be wise to enjoy life the way it is. No whining.

I'll be frank. I did whine. A lot. 2016 brought with it tons of mind-boggling situations, major decision-making, super annoyances BUT with the grace of the almighty (and my restored faith in Him) the year ended quite pleasantly. Here's a summary of 2016 (including resonant answers to deep questions):

2016 brought me to the edge. It was scary but the view was exciting.

January 2016--March 2016

1. Reminiscing the past by re-reading Harry Potter! I ended up reading just the first four books, after which life happened I realised we need to work to survive.

Lesson learned: Work is important, but not important enough to discontinue reading Harry Potter! Nothing ever is.

2. Feeling inhibitions that my three-month old workplace isn't ideal. The feeling quickly escalated and I began a job search in the same industry (aka publishing aka the home for my beloved books). Lesson learned: Listen to your heart and begin looking for a job right when you feel it! The process takes ages and you might end up losing your sanity if you aren't quick enough. I saved mine, thank goodness!

Is this what I came for? Err...

3. Travelling to Jaipur with a couple of girl-friends just to chill and relax. Experienced life in Zostel, roamed around the city markets, visited historical forts and acted like typical tourists. #itwasfun

Lesson learned: Trips with friends always equal jannat.

4. Securing a freelance work op with a biggie publisher. Hi-5! The best two months of my work life (after which... erm... please don't ask. Kbye.)

Lesson learned: Don't judge yourself based on others' opinion of you. Also, good times don't last. But again, it's all for the best!

*sigh* Good days!

April 2016--June 2016

1. The family trip to Australiaaa. Those days I felt like I knew what it means to be truly happy--it was such an amazing trip! You can read about it in the previous post.

Lesson learned: The frog needs to get out of the well more often.

Because the world can be fun!

2. Hard luck and illness can strike anyone, even a 5yo barely two months into school. My beautiful nephew was diagnosed with cancer. We did some fundraising to help the family cover treatment costs. It was an overwhelming experience for us all as we saw people from all walks of life come forward to help.

Lesson learned: You can never know beforehand who's going to be your support in times of trouble. Be grateful for everything.

Update: His initial phase of chemo is almost at a close, and he seems to be doing well. Much love and appreciation for everyone's help. :')
You can follow his story on this Facebook page.

July 2016--September 2016

1. Desperation at the job front, looking at other industries and failing classically. Realising that successes are hard to get, and keeping one's will power in check requires every ounce of effort one can muster.

Lesson learned: Keep going. Be visibly appreciative of family and friends who stick with you even when they suffer the effects of your mood swings.

October 2016--December 2016

1. Incessant prayers worked their magic and I got just the very thing I wanted. It also feels quite exciting, so yay!

Lesson learned: Feel free to weave your dreams, but always go with the flow. Every experience gives lasting value and shapes your mind, psychology and behaviour. Be open and accepting, and before you know, you'll get what's best for you. And you'll know it when you see it!

If only I looked just as cute!

I recently came across these lines by the philosopher Socrates, which resonated with me instantly:  “If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”

2. Friendships have incredible power. Those who believe in you when you yourself don't, those who "make the effort" to help ease things for you, they're the ones to hug tight!
Lesson learned: More often than not, you wouldn't see it when you're low, because it's extremely trying to think of anything but your helplessness, but every once in a while when the depressing feeling passes, you'll see the depths of your friendships (or the extreme shallowness of some, for that matter). When you see it, you'll work at becoming a better friend yourself.

~ ~ ~

Matters of interest

1. I'm a lot more confident now, thanks to the tough situations I faced this year. I also met new people and it was fantastic!

2. I realised that hard work pays. You just have to stay cool, calm and confident, and believe you're going to win. That way, even if you lose, you still feel like a winner--rejuvenated and energized to start all over again or to look for alternatives, both of which are equally important.

3. Life is finite and too short to

- worry over materialistic gains

- overthink about what someone said to you out of ignorance or spite

- not enjoy each day

- spend time eating junk food
- think about people

Always!

4. Sometimes you are just not the same you as before. It can be a painful transition, knowing you don't feel like doing the things you liked doing, but at some point of time comes the ultimate relief--an inner acceptance of things that doesn't burden you with guilt or regret. It's pure evolution when you look at life from the other end of the kaleidoscope and find the view just as mesmerizing.

That's a lot about 2016 (not by my standards, and you know it. But I gotta think about you too), so let's move on to the much-sought-after things in 2017! Woohoo!

#1: The new job! I'm nervous and excited and it feels like I'm being given a second life. Thank you, dear God. I'll make you proud.

#2: My girl-best friend's wedding!!!! OMG I never before knew weddings could be so exciting! #funahead

Gonna be like this :P

#3: Becoming a kickass book blogger (I'll be here too, my pet). I will admit--I sucked at blogging in 2016 and I'm not even using the but-my-brain-was-dead-with-other-things excuse. I didn't even read 50 books (I think. I need to check Goodreads right away! Ohman. I read 39 books, the lowest in five years! I know, I know. I had decided not to go with numbers but you can't help taking a peek every month or so, especially when you have been overachieving your goals for years. I'm gonna make up for it this year. I mean, I MISS BOOKS! It's weird--the one whole year I worked in publishing, I read the least number of books. #thissucks) 

Anyway, this means I'm gonna be on the lookout for the latest books AND find my way to them AND devour them like a hungry bookworm AND post amazing reviews on my blog here (Subscribe if you haven't. I promise you won't regret it.) I might get into bookstagram too. You never know. (But you'll know if I do, because if you read this, you're bound to follow my bookstagram (which is instagramming about books)). Naturally I'll be into photography as well.

#4: Read more (as mentioned in #3) and read DIVERSE. Ugh, just read!!! I don't even like myself when I haven't read enough.

#5: Learn other language(s): Includes Punjabi (which I should have by this time), Spanish (which I should have remembered, having learned it for two years), French (just 'cuz I wanna. Also 'cuz I make insane goals).

#6: Learn about make-up and hairstyling: I'll do this at a very basic level, but I'll do it! Why? (And YOU, the friend, stop looking at me like that.) Because I'm a girl and a grown-up and I still don't know about these two essential things. I mean, why look average when you can look excellent?

#7: Don't waste time thinking about or because of people. Just do your own thing because your time is the most important thing--why not spend it in a useful activity?

#8: Keep the phone/computer away before bedtime. It's not only harmful but I haven't read a book at bedtime the ENTIRE year because of these two addictions. In fact, this reminds me, I haven't recharged my poor Kindle for two whole months! #stopthisatrocitynow

I wanttt!

#9: Say it. A lot of things go unspoken just because I'm confused about the other person's mindset (which is a rarity, because generally I know it by instinct, so people who confuse me also interest me greatly!). Therefore, to save myself the pain of overthinking, I will just be upfront and ask what the matter is! 

#10: Be chill. Enjoy life. Spend time with friends. Laugh more often (this is a need because I've had people tell me I don't smile enough and it feels so weird because... I don't know. I'm happy but it doesn't show on my face for some reason? Of course people aren't like people at home who can crack me up in a second, and they know my laugh is no less than a full-blown guffaw.) Anyway, laugh when someone cracks a joke. :P

#11: Learn more about Sikhism and teach you peoples about it too. I've done some reading and listening in 2016 and it has made me feel ever so lucky to have been born in this community, and it inspires me to live up to the name and do what we're supposed to do as Sikhs (be charitable, be kind, be truthful, be strong and fight for rights, to begin with). Also, today celebrates 350th birth anniversary of the tenth guru, Guru Gobind Singh Ji, also founder of the Khalsa and the one who instructed Sikhs to follow the Guru Granth Sahib Ji as the Guru to know about God and ways to live life. A powerful warrior and spiritual leader, Guru Gobind Singh Ji inspires us even today. I'd recommend this 43 minute documentary on his life: Life of Guru Gobind Singh Ji.

That's a lot to remember for a year, so I'll stop at that. I'm just happy 2016 is over and the new year comes with new promises and I am in a mindset to enjoy it, which is so awesome. Yay! How did 2016 treat you guys? Any resolutions for 2017?

Reflections and grouchy talk.

No resolutions this time too, only reflections on how I survived the past year and what to do to make 2016 better. It was only yesterday that I realized that it’s the year-end already. Imagine how full your mind has to be for you to not even notice the year ending. 

Present status: I have a job I like, but I hate having working Saturdays and having to travel so much and thus being in constant interaction with uncivil beings. 

Desired status: Be so much in love with work that nothing makes me unhappy. At the present, a lot of things (and people) do. Try to ignore it (and them).

How well did I do in 2015?

1. Work wise: better than before, but need to think of ways to get to goals more ‘easily’. Having to struggle each day sucks.

2. People wise: not very well. I still dislike people who lack ethics, and I am totally vengeful (unfortunately, only feelings-wise) towards those who’ve hurt me. It’s only been aggravated by annoying people I’ve met recently. It’s not a good thing, I know. I’ll see what to do about it when I have the time.

3. Book-reading wise: very well through the year, except towards the year-end. Still, I think I crossed the 50 mark without counting, and read qualitatively, and reread and enjoyed old books (Harry Potter, for instance) too. Unfortunately, did not read all the books I’d planned, mostly because of work requirements.

4. Personality-development wise: not much. There’s just no time to think of presentation and planned speech when you have to run all the time. I’m still the harried-look-just-like-in-college person. Give me a break, and I’ll think of how to make new braids. Maybe.

5. Mental-development wise: apart from irritation and anger issues, I feel like I’ve aged a 100 years. Things I used to like and talk about a year or two earlier, are either too trivial or too boring. (Help me!!!)

While thinking about what I had resolved to do in 2015, I thought of ‘write, write, write’, but then I checked and found that I had written it in 2014!! This is NOT fair. I want a life where I can actually keep track of time. Get a LIFE, life!

What to do in 2016 to get a life

Keep calm: People in the metro and on the roads are only going to get worse. STOP worrying about them. Yes, I’ve faced a setback due to realizations of the truth and how what I thought of the world was so away from reality, but still, I need to GET A GRIP. I’m supposed to rule my life. I am supposed to be happy for the people who’re concerned about me. Either ignore those who act stupidly, or give it back to them (yes, that’s better).

Prioritize work: I must get that heavy project off my head as soon as possible, even if it takes two months of hibernating (as much as can be managed anyway, what with blood-sucking job and all). After that, plan career stuff. All this while, act chill. BE chill. Time is supposed to go slowly (the rocking time, not the sucky time).

Be happy: G is doing so well! YOU are doing well too. The book fair is coming! (“I have no friends to go with this time!” “You have mom!”) You’re gonna go on trips! You might even be on an airplane after all these years’ gap!

Do something: Ghostwriting has made me realize that I can actually write my own book. But it’s also made me realize that to make it happen, I’d need at least two months’ break. All right then, let’s stick to the original plan of writing after 40.

I need to learn to speak up for myself if anyone wrongs me and if it is unfair. Stop ignoring things that must not be ignored. Shut them up once and for all. Do not hesitate to hit an annoying fellow-commuter and pretending that it was a mistake. Hint, hint: It can be done just before getting off the train. (No. I’m not going to be so mean.)

I’ll also try to (no, I WILL) go ahead with a plan I made to get kids to read more (or any) books. Will give details if it’s carried out.

Read and write: Read those books I got two-three years ago! Although since some time at work is spent reading so many excessively cute children’s books, I’m not complaining much.

Lose weight: I’m serious, and this one is not going to go unchecked. Ask a girl the horror of not being able to fit into her clothes, and you’ll know! Although I’m proud to say that I’ve lost some with my ardent will power (of not eating junk food). Yay!

My point!!

Generally, I’ll try being less of a cribber and more of a happy person who loves life. I don’t love it at the moment, and I’ve become so crude that it doesn’t even matter if I’m posting it. It’s the truth after all. I mean, I am grateful for a lot of things, but the general ‘feel’ at the moment is lacking. It’s like I see nothing to complain about when I really think about it, but it only makes me feel more upset because it seems like I’m complaining for no reason. Oh, wait. Perhaps it’s just that I’m in one of my mood swing modes. Don’t let it get you. Have a blast and have a wonderful new year 2016! (TIME FLIES!) Let the new, new year be a year you'll forever remember! (Don't go to jail, though.)

What are you gonna do?

2015: Here's how you should be for me

Are the years passing by so quickly or what? It all zeroes down to spending all your time either studying through the years and/or being so into technology that you don't realize how quickly your time's running. If you don't believe me, try spending two hours in a sunny park on a winter afternoon, without your cell phone or any other tech device. It'll seem like ages as you peacefully read a book or just watch little kiddies play weird games. Then observe the next two hours at home. Trust me, it'll be a good five hours before you realize how much time has passed. Yesterday, I was talking about a black colour sketch I'd made of a couple of famous personalities, when I realized that I'd made those in 2002. It didn't even seem like a long time, but calculate it and you'd see that it's been more than twelve years! How do you feel when you look at life running through your hands like this? Don't you feel like easing out a bit, living more and running less? With this realization, I've decided to ask God and 2015 to go easy on me.

|      What I learned in 2014      |

Last year, I'd thought that 2014 would be an amazing year, especially since 2013 was just so annoying. It was partly true, because 2014 was a mix of amazing experiences but also some really bad ones. Nevertheless, it was also a year when I learned a lot, and at an entirely another level too! I think I finally grew up, mentally, emotionally, demographically. I'm no longer a formal student (because people like me never stop being students of some sort :P ), and that has marked my entry into another level of life. Surprisingly, it's one where I've learned that fear is overrated. As students, we're constantly being made to fear the 'real' world where there's 'cut-throat competition' and all that blah blah. I personally feel that there's enough space for everybody, if only you truly believe that. If you keep the silly competition in mind, you'll be forever stressed and keep running around and it'll be a long time before you realize that you're not even running for yourself, but for others. We need to really take a chill pill, spend productive time working on bettering ourselves and only look at other, successful people for inspiration, not jealousy.

You might have been asked to change your schedule, plan your day and be disciplined when you were preparing for your Board exams, but the fact is that more than then, you need to bring all that discipline now. Once you start working, if you have any kind of a future goal, you will have to consciously take a step back from all things that are limiting or hurting your feelings, and bring your focus to those that'll help you get better. I talk of feelings because they're more important than things you have or the money you earn. Feelings make your entire world; keep them safe. Protect yourself from bad feelings, stay away from people who make you feel guilty for no fault of yours, or make you wish you weren't with them. You are most important for yourself, because you can never love anyone else unless you're at peace with yourself. Just first and foremost, focus and work hard on being the best version of yourself, and present it to your loved ones. The rest will follow on its own.

I learned that some people will try bringing you down, just because they might be insecure themselves, or just because they can't help it. Sometimes it's not even intentional. Like every relationship, you have to work to make it better. It's no guarantee that it'll be better. If you see that the effort is not reciprocated or even after ten times of talking through it you don't 'feel' it's working, say a genuine apology and walk out. If it really means a lot to you, it'll work out for the better. If not, respect your feelings and do what makes you feel better.

I read quite a lot of books last year, and apart from numbers, I read the kind of books I hadn't read so far. Most of it was because of the entry into a new phase of life and working for it, but I have to say that I learned and matured a lot because of it. New genres, understanding books in depth, being more accepting to styles of writing and content that I positively looked down on earlier, I realized you really have to experience things first hand to understand them properly. The close people in my life have seen this marked, almost funny change. You thought I wasn't capable of making crass jokes, using colourful language or calling people deluded? You'd be in for a surprise the next time you talked to me. :P

I've also learned, after a lot of denial, that the way I wrote my blog posts earlier is a thing of the past. Unless I force myself (which I don't) or unless it's a rare mood swingy thing, my style of writing has definitely changed.

Among all this, I've learned how important friends are, specially when you're emotionally fluctuating from one point to the other; how assuring it is to know that you trust someone outside your immediate family to always be there when you need them. I've learned to cherish such people.  

|      Welcome, 2015!       |

I've been a regular resolution maker. That's how I actually keep my mental state intact, as a matter of fact. While working on a book on philosophy last month, I came across a line that said how it's important to have a philosophy of your own, how you cannot really know your ethics, morals and value system unless there is a set of philosophies you believe in and follow. So that explains how I need certain guidelines I set for myself at the beginning of each year. It's a different matter that the year's also interspersed with interim guidelines.

For the next year, I've decided to take into consideration all that I've learned so far, and consciously tell myself what to do and what things to follow. Most of these are the 'small changes' we can make in life to make it better and easy. These have been created from the perspective of improving what needs improvement and ditching whatever is extra. Let me know if you identify with any of these!

1. Read qualitatively

Participating in the Goodreads reading challenge the past three years, I've read nearly 175 books. It might not be a big number for a lot of people, but it was definitely a delight for me! The past year as I struggled to make the numbers reach my goal of 60, I realized how I'd fallen into the numbers trap. When you read with even the tiniest idea that it'd help increase a number, it's not the same. The more I read, the more I realized it wasn't giving as much happiness as it used to. Add to it the new job, where I figured it'd be better if I sometimes, somehow emotionally detached myself from what I was reading or working on, because of course, feelings. Those brutes need the most care.

So for the next year, I've decided to chill, not make any quantitative goals, read whatever I like or am interested in, with absolutely no expectations. I'd be rereading a lot of my favourites, including the Harry Potter series and some books I loved from the previous years (will update the book blog with the details soon). That way, I'll be reading more for the pleasure (or work) and not because it is a chore. I just can't wait to start! *_*

2. Take care of health

I'm not old, but I've realized that a lot of junk food is totally 'college-y' for me. It just doesn't feel as exciting as it did. Now eating out frequently makes me feel like I've become a baby elephant. To stay healthy and able to fit into my clothes easily, I'd be monitoring and improving my water intake, carrying a water bottle every time I go out, reduce the ordering out food/snacks to once in two weeks or longer if I can help it. More than that, I will not stress about this either. Carrying little amounts of healthy snacks so I won't feel impulsive in terms of food, knowing what kind of foods don't work for me (sweets, cheese and coffee, for example) and such little things make it easy to follow what sounds like a boring plan. 

3. Spend more time with family

I mean real time, not virtual time. It's annoying how people sit in the same room and either watch TV wordlessly or scroll through useless messages on WhatsApp. Oh the malice of those forwarded messages! When you're with your loved ones, give them the best of you, no? Play real games together - do you even know where your ludo/monopoly/carrom board/hangman/jenga is? 

4. Be brave

It takes bravery to stand up for the right things, specially if it is something you've been living with since forever. I think it works better to act and do than simply criticise things or complain. Sure, we need to speak up when no one else is, but it must be accompanied by a strong belief and followed by the right action. Being brave is also about respecting yourself - your limits, your ethics, your feelings. Let go of the emotional baggage. I've decided to simply call it quits with whatever/whoever I feel is dragging me down. I seriously have spent a good part of two-three years recovering from the loss of a loved one, and I'm seriously much, much grateful to those who understood, gave me space and stuck with me throughout. If you've seen the worst of me, you are the only one who deserves my best. So I'm reserving it for you. If, on the other hand, you're among those with whom I spent good times, but we drifted apart during the bad, I simply want to thank you for giving me those good times. It's just that I cannot feel enough to share my life with you ever since I realized that some of you only care about the good. 

In short, I'll just be me. The reserved, shy or whatever girl I have always been. No trying hard for anyone except those who matter. I'd rather reserve such energies for my work, right? 

5. Work. Work hard.

I actually love this phase of life. You're not bound by a certain kind of education, but you're free to pick and choose what to learn. You don't have heavy responsibilities at home, and you can spend time on yourself. The best thing in this case would be to dedicate yourself to your work, learn the trade and gain as much knowledge as you can. This year will definitely be one where I'm a little more sure about my goals, where I want to be, and making the most of what I get. It's starkly different from the same time last year when I was filled with uncertainty. Funny how much can happen in such a short time. So if you have goals to accomplish and you have the time, I guess that's all the motivation you need to get going. Ditch the distractions and just work. You'll be surprised how the rest of your life falls into place. That is, if you do it nicely and right. :) 

6. Help

The last year was also a time I learned how charity cannot be defined, because there are just so many ways to help other people. It's also true - charity begins at home. There's little point carrying stacks of clothes for NGOs when there is a family in your relations who needs it more. Then there are also the little gestures of connecting with people who seem lonely. It won't be a great idea to be the best of buddies, however, especially if you're a good listener. But it really varies from person to person. Just consciously try being a little more kind in general, with everybody, and like charity, even kindness begins at home. :)  

    |     The little things:    |

- Make the bed every morning. It actually takes less than a minute!

Action taken: Already started

- Keep the curtains on the windows open so you can wake up to sunlight. *_* This however, depends on whether or not sunlight reaches that window :P

Action taken: Windows cleaned, space behind it cleared. 

- Start taking care of misplaced objects in the house. Cleaning my room every few months is definitely not enough. If I feel irritable not finding something at the right place, I should myself put misplaced objects in their proper places, right? Plus, it's exercise.

Action taken: None. 

- Make the effort to step down the bed and put that dream-notebook and a pen under the pillow. Did I ever tell you how cool it is to be able to wake up and quickly scribble the part of dreams you remember? You anyway forget them after a few minutes, if not seconds, so why not write them down to remember them for later? I'm not sure what this activity achieves, except feeling good about having a weird habit :P Besides, not every thing has to have a reason. Some things just are. 

Action taken: Managed to mentally adjust getting up slowwwly, and scribbling in the half-light with partly closed eyes. Discontinued since a few weeks; need to take it up again.

- Reduce time spent on social networking sites. 

Action taken: Struggling, but persevering. At least I've managed to block out useless information and not be affected by stupid news, so that's cool.

- Follow the happiness-inducing things I started in mid 2014 when it became crucial to do so. Now that it's become a habit, let it be. :)
Action taken: Been doing it since the past few months. 

- Speak in English. It sounds funny, but I'm a lot better at writing than speaking. I mean, even G gives me a complex sometimes, so you can figure it out. And now that I've made it public, I guess I'll consciously be motivated to do it.
Action taken: Do it whenever I remember it!

- Okay, I've been postponing putting this ever since I started writing the points, and it's not exactly a 'small' thing, but let's just say it is. Learning to prepare small meals for whenever I'm hungry! I know, it's embarrassing to admit that I know absolutely zilch about preparing food. It's complicated, so I won't bother to explain it here. I'll just spend a part of weekends with mom, learning how to boil eggs, for instance. (Goodbye people who would undoubtedly be running away after this! :P)
Action taken: Except for three experiments this year, nothing.

- Stealing some points from a friend's post, I'll add 'preparing and setting out clothes for the next day, the night before' purely because I spend a lot of time staring at the clothes and ending up wearing the same, usual ones without experimenting!
Action taken: Nada

Dear 2015, I hope you've realized that I'm completely prepared to make the best of you. You should be as excited as I am and be with me.

***

A very happy New Year, dear readers! Wishing you all a year full of happiness and great experiences. Thank you for reading my life stories blog and often writing to me. It feels great to have friends like you. :)

Do you have your own set of resolutions or plans for the year? I'd love it if you'd share them with me!

The light and the heavy!

For a brilliant change there's been so much to write about! So much that I'm confused as to what should I start to write about! :P

Heavy: You know how there are times when you feel like your heart, your brain and your soul are completely going on and on, stretching dangerously in the opposite directions so that you feel like you might burst? An indifferent word, a callous attitude, a carelessly thrown rude remark, is what it takes for that last straw to pop and God save the world! You're gone! Like, literally. Because you know what? No one wants to know what your problem is. Someone rightly said, 'Smile, and the world smiles with you. Weep, and you weep alone'. I get it, but I also support crying when it's needed. You don't need to pretend everything's alright when you don't feel it is. Heck with what the world thinks, stop pretending and do it, say it, all that you think for real. Even if you get to realize you don't mean as much to everyone as you thought you did. You should be happy that the realization came on sooner rather than later!

Light: My new I'll-go-for-a-walk-every-day-regime? Which by the way, has successfully completed two days. I'm quite sure I'll be able to stick to it for some while. I've decided on evening walks, as getting up before 7.20 (minimum time) is oh-not-so-possible. Trust me, I've tried the 'Early to bed, early to rise' thing, but it's always, 'early-or-later-to-bed-you're-not-getting-up-early-enough' for me! :P What can I do, though? Just not a morning person! Besides, there are so many things you can see during those evening minutes of self-imposed-harrowing-walking, things that equally want to make you smile and tear your hair out! I made a list. While walking. That's for another post!

Heavy: Dreams you harbored in yourself, quite deep inside, so deep that you can't take them out without needing surgery, shattered. It isn't as dramatic as it sounds, but it's heartbreaking nevertheless. When you have to face the hard, dumb reality that how you thought things would turn out, actually don't? There are things you desire so madly that you just don't want to hear those words, those that say it isn't possible, that suggest your weakness, your helplessness and  your vulnerability. Just those words would be able to bring you to tears as you stare at the pieces of your dreams fallen apart and lying around like junk. Maybe even stamped upon by some pitying souls. Please God! Not that dream, it's the most important to me. :|

Light, Light and Light!: I'm the kind of a nakli city girl. The one who lives in the supposedly, fastest city and still not being able to roam around on my own. For one, I'm the biggest lost-case when it comes to directions and places. Just-can't-manage! The only road routes I know are the ones from my home to both my colleges and one to my aunt's place, which we happen to frequent. Ask me no more! Hail metro! :P So the other day, Saturday, I suppose, I made a much-needed trip to my library in C.P., after which I was supposed to meet a few friends. As usual the library trip went alright, except for the minor defect of a couple of seconds that I managed to embarrass myself when the security guard refused to let me take my pepper spray inside (hard times call for hard measures. Or something like that) and I stood there looking confused, my face an expression that said 'If you don't allow, I'll use it on you!'. Maybe. After which the guard just utters a 'please?' and I nod and move forward!

So, yeah. As if normal straight roads didn't confuse me anyway, I was asked to come and meet my friends at a KFC restaurant (yay chicken!). Looking more confident than I felt (alone time is tough), I walked up to a couple of autowallas and described my misery (read: asked them to take me to KFC!), one of whom refused, the other one looked at me like I was crazy, the third one saying, 'Paas me hi hai, paidal chale jaao'. Now if that's not embarrassing enough. :| Okay, lazy guy! I'll walk. If only I knew where! I called up a friend and explained my then-current location and while on the phone, walked halfway through, after which I had to hang up. Definitely felt like I was in some alien city, shooting daggers at anyone who dared look (paranoia!) and walking as fast as my legs could manage (definite need for solid exercise!). I was told it's easy and near, and the phone wouldn't be needed. Of course it was! Standing outside a huge KFC (*stomach rumbles*), I call again and thank god I did, because they weren't really at KFC, but in Dominos, which wasn't even visible in my range of vision!

Anyhow, after a few more minutes, they came out and took me. :P I know, I can be pathetic at times, but that's just one of my very few weaknesses, I swear! Meeting at Dominos, no one wanted to order anything, so hiding faces (that was me), we left for the next door Dunkin' Donuts, where we talked about what we wanted to, while tasting a weird looking something-that-was-not-a-donut! Later on a friend P, wished for some hot coffee, so we went into a CCD. Some good looking, posh-looking CCD it was. We were four by that time and when the waiter arrived to take the order, P announced she'll have an espresso and we shook our heads when he looked at us. That's it, we said. He gave a funny look, which I found quite insulting (but you have to ignore certain things in life, so we let it pass). When finally the waiter came and we were waiting quite restlessly (that was me! Not because I wanted coffee, sillies, but because it was getting late!), what he brought down on the table seemed to be a starter or something.

This was it. And that's my hand measuring the cup!

We sat there, staring at it. Waiting for something, it seemed. Quite a while passed before any of us realized that that's going to be it. That's all. The waiter's gone, a couple more glancing at our table with funny looks on their faces. I narrowed my eyes at them and then brought them back to the table again. My eyes, I mean. What we had in front seemed nothing less than a brilliant, not-so-perfectly-timed joke. The espresso was contained in a three inch cup, filled slightly less than half with a deep dark liquid, accompanied by three different kinds of sugar packets. I might be dumb when it comes to having coffee at coffee shops, because the only coffee out-of-home I've ever liked has been at the Cafe at one of my libraries. But even then, this was not what we expected for 70 bucks! After several minutes of analyzing it and let's admit, laughing out loud, especially at P's expression that shrieked "I've been betrayed!" I realized it was fun. We had a good laugh over it and it did reinforce my initial qualms about CCD being hopeless. Oh by the way, just one tiny sip was all it took to know we're not going to touch it again.

More Light!!!: Then there was yesterday, when I was reading a surprisingly good book, that I had this strange, unnerving feeling, the kind of intuitive feeling you get sometimes, so strong that you feel like doing all sorts of things on impulse. Which in my case, was book-shopping! I hadn't been to a bookstore in ages and my friend in office (yeah, we were in on our internship!) suggested Landmark, a whole one floor bookstore, after listening to which I couldn't stop drooling. I decided to stop being a nerd-intern and leave office early for a change. Will you believe it? The impulse was so strong that my convo with my mentor went like this:

Mentor: So, all this is fine. Just complete it soon and show the final thing to me today itself.   

Me: *Looking distressed* Umm.... Actually...

Mentor: What? Can't happen today? I guess you have plenty of time.

Me: No, it's not that. Can I please mail it to you by evening? I actually have to go somewhere today. Soon.

Mentor: Oh, alright. Mail it to me then.

Me: *Dancing inside* Thank you. :)

In short, I checked my bag to see if I did indeed have my card, you know, to be able to make purchases, when I realized I don't even have my purse, let alone the card! I was cash-strapped! My friend kindly suggested I take some from her and return the next day, and that my impulse-feelings had somehow got transferred and she's not going to take no for an answer, and so we went. The bookstore was definitely awesome! So many different categories of books, filled with amazing titles! I smiled at some, went absolutely berserk at some, drooled over some, and then started looking for the book(s) I wanted. Now, the first one I wanted was The Other Side of the Table by Madhumita Mukherjee. I know, Indian, but I was finding it so good that I wanted my own copy, rather than the borrowed one, because it's the kind of book that you'd like reading again and again. Found it soon enough under 'New arrivals', hence no discount. But that's alright. An awesome book is an awesome book. 

I did not find a copy of The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Again. So then I picked up two Cecelia Aherns, and I admit, totally because of the awesomeness of their covers! I mean, have you even seen the cover for One Hundred Names? I totally picked it up because of the cover! It seemed like a 'must-have'. And then as there was this offer, buy 3 for 2, and my first book wasn't in that category and my friend picked up Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks from that scheme too, I had to pick one more, which would be free. So I went with The Gift by Cecelia Ahern. Super happy with the loot, we went to make the payment when the cash counter girl swiped the card too hard and it stopped working! :O Just like that! We tried a few times, even in the ATM, but it didn't work. Heart-broken and even more cash-less than we thought we were, we said goodbye to our books and went home empty handed. We haven't lost hope yet, we'll be going there again this week, but still. Also I had to go home by metro, which is when I realized that my bag was closed by one of those stupid plastic locks they put before you enter a department store, so that without a pair of scissors you can't open it. And so I spent 40 minutes daydreaming. No book, no headphones. :P I tell you, there is actually some fault in my stars. :| 

- This was totally random. Why can't I even write something I had planned? -

Also, I still haven't started making the thing I promised to mail my mentor yesterday. Lazy or what?

Resolutions 2013! ;)

Wishing all you lovely people a very Happy and a fantabulously-awesomely-awesome New Year! Hope you're having a great start to the year. If anyone cares to know, I am quite enjoying myself so far. My idea of enjoyment? Stay under warm blankets and just read! If you get bored, keep the book aside and pick up the laptop, stalk people use Facebook, or listen to music. Needless to say, I'm so in love with holidays that I just-don't-want-next-week-to-come! I don't want to go to college, don't! :| Anyway, till the time I have left to live like a normal sweetie girl (stop snickering, you), I'd be smiling and laughing and doing what I call 'fun'! Alright, it's a new year and those of you who've been here longer than a year might remember that I'd posted a huge list of stuff, not resolutions, but something like that, things I'd like to do in 2012 and also in my lifetime. To see the whole post, click here. Let's just do a yearly review, before going on to resolutions for this year?

Same time last year, I thought I'd:

1. Mend cracks with a friend: Uhh. Catching up with some old friends on Facebook counts? Well, even if it doesn't, I don't mind. I've had some renewed definitions of who really are friends this year, and I'm happy enough to know the difference. :)

2. Cut that fast food: Except for the occasional KFC burger (and okay, pizza too), I'm not eating out much. I'm anyway not a fan of fast food, so this is quite alright.

3. Freewheeling: Bicycling basically. No, I didn't get a bicycle and the only one time I used someone else's, I got two dogs running after me like totally stupid perros!* I guess we'll just postpone this to the time when we have some animal control in this city and we, the citizens can walk freely without thinking about possible animal-hazard.

Puzzling: Didn't happen!

Creating your own signature scent: Didn't get anyone to accompany me to the old Delhi apothecaries for ingredients :|

Play with Clay: That pottery club is too far!

Back to your Mother Tongue: Sorry, didn't happen!

Actually, let's cut it. I couldn't make any of those things happen. Topic closed.

Moving on to some promises suggestions I'm making to myself for 2013, considering you know, how I'll have no respite from college and the useless work all through the year. Really. At this moment, normalcy and fun seems a far fetched reality. Still, I'm going to dream and hope for something good! *Stubborn* you see ;)

1. Don't let anyone, ever, bring you down. I've had a lifetime's share of unfairness and people taking advantage when you're being 'nice'. Doesn't help much, as far as I can see. Simply help those who deserve it,  and love those who love you back. Drama over.

2. Learn when and what to say. Excitement is the culprit. I just have to get comfortable and then I'll definitely say something silly/idiotic/non-sense. Work-on-it! Though I have to say, I have been a bit better in this case, mostly because there aren't many people anyway with whom I get at 'that' comfort level, so yeah. It's in progress. 

3. Don't go overboard with teasing. Alright, I love teasing, just those whom I really like, mind you. And not in a harmful way either, just in a light manner, for fun. But I'm not able to stand the same thing happening with me for long. So I guess, even if some people don't get visibly upset or moved in any way, I should still curtail it, right? 

4. Write more. Look, even though I still am writing here, I know I need to do some serious practice if I don't want to let my sadist college snatch this thing from me. Aright, I'm being dramatic, because nothing can really snatch something you can do, but still. Lack of practice makes it worse. So, weekends are reserved for writing. Whatever it is. A review, a blogpost and I hope, I start with story-writing too. I really want to start! 

5. Actually write some Theandric Thursday posts. I can safely be called the worst host ever! Anyway, those who haven't read any TT post, click here see what it is! That's my first TT post and re-reading those comments has made me emotional :') It's not the best TT post, though. Click on Theandric Thursday under 'labels' to see other posts. I will write more. *serious face*

6. See the good even in the bad. College, for example. However much I dislike it, I'll have to do my best to see the positive aspects of it. Friends is one, studies should be another. C'mon girl, think about it. People don't even get an education and you're getting one and cribbing about it! If it gets too much, leave out some things, won't matter much.

7. Focus on improving personality. As much as I like staying the way I've always been, it does make a difference when you're actually doing something for real improvement. Cut the stubbornness, know how to improve and work on that. 

In short, yeah ;)

8. Read and review more books. I'm targeting two posts a week on my book blog (if you're fond of books, please go see that!). If not two reviews a week, then one review and one anything. It's going good and I intend to keep it that way. ;)

9. Well, 9 is a good number and even if I don't have a solid point, I had to make the points to 9! I'll just be me, like they say be yourself and won't do anything for purely selfish reasons. And yes, I've sort of decided to make at least one person, a non-reader, read a book. Fiction! And well, I'll just be good. ;)

This is the first post of 2013! I took three days to write this! And I'm saying it like it is a good thing, stupid me. I guess it's just pre-college nervousness. God, I wasn't even so anxious when I had to go to this college for the first time. I'm so weird, really! ;)

What have been your goals for this year?   

PS- *Perro: Dog in Spanish.