2016 Recap; Hello 2017!

Another year gone, seemingly in the blink of an eye (why o why? Take it slow, life!), and all I can think is, "THIS was the year of absolute changes and it's incredible how I've come to accept and embrace it." You know how I would always state that I don't really like changes, but then comes a time in life when you are so severely tested that it finally dawns upon your scorched soul that changes can be for the better and it'd be wise to enjoy life the way it is. No whining.

I'll be frank. I did whine. A lot. 2016 brought with it tons of mind-boggling situations, major decision-making, super annoyances BUT with the grace of the almighty (and my restored faith in Him) the year ended quite pleasantly. Here's a summary of 2016 (including resonant answers to deep questions):

2016 brought me to the edge. It was scary but the view was exciting.

January 2016--March 2016

1. Reminiscing the past by re-reading Harry Potter! I ended up reading just the first four books, after which life happened I realised we need to work to survive.

Lesson learned: Work is important, but not important enough to discontinue reading Harry Potter! Nothing ever is.

2. Feeling inhibitions that my three-month old workplace isn't ideal. The feeling quickly escalated and I began a job search in the same industry (aka publishing aka the home for my beloved books). Lesson learned: Listen to your heart and begin looking for a job right when you feel it! The process takes ages and you might end up losing your sanity if you aren't quick enough. I saved mine, thank goodness!

Is this what I came for? Err...

3. Travelling to Jaipur with a couple of girl-friends just to chill and relax. Experienced life in Zostel, roamed around the city markets, visited historical forts and acted like typical tourists. #itwasfun

Lesson learned: Trips with friends always equal jannat.

4. Securing a freelance work op with a biggie publisher. Hi-5! The best two months of my work life (after which... erm... please don't ask. Kbye.)

Lesson learned: Don't judge yourself based on others' opinion of you. Also, good times don't last. But again, it's all for the best!

*sigh* Good days!

April 2016--June 2016

1. The family trip to Australiaaa. Those days I felt like I knew what it means to be truly happy--it was such an amazing trip! You can read about it in the previous post.

Lesson learned: The frog needs to get out of the well more often.

Because the world can be fun!

2. Hard luck and illness can strike anyone, even a 5yo barely two months into school. My beautiful nephew was diagnosed with cancer. We did some fundraising to help the family cover treatment costs. It was an overwhelming experience for us all as we saw people from all walks of life come forward to help.

Lesson learned: You can never know beforehand who's going to be your support in times of trouble. Be grateful for everything.

Update: His initial phase of chemo is almost at a close, and he seems to be doing well. Much love and appreciation for everyone's help. :')
You can follow his story on this Facebook page.

July 2016--September 2016

1. Desperation at the job front, looking at other industries and failing classically. Realising that successes are hard to get, and keeping one's will power in check requires every ounce of effort one can muster.

Lesson learned: Keep going. Be visibly appreciative of family and friends who stick with you even when they suffer the effects of your mood swings.

October 2016--December 2016

1. Incessant prayers worked their magic and I got just the very thing I wanted. It also feels quite exciting, so yay!

Lesson learned: Feel free to weave your dreams, but always go with the flow. Every experience gives lasting value and shapes your mind, psychology and behaviour. Be open and accepting, and before you know, you'll get what's best for you. And you'll know it when you see it!

If only I looked just as cute!

I recently came across these lines by the philosopher Socrates, which resonated with me instantly:  “If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”

2. Friendships have incredible power. Those who believe in you when you yourself don't, those who "make the effort" to help ease things for you, they're the ones to hug tight!
Lesson learned: More often than not, you wouldn't see it when you're low, because it's extremely trying to think of anything but your helplessness, but every once in a while when the depressing feeling passes, you'll see the depths of your friendships (or the extreme shallowness of some, for that matter). When you see it, you'll work at becoming a better friend yourself.

~ ~ ~

Matters of interest

1. I'm a lot more confident now, thanks to the tough situations I faced this year. I also met new people and it was fantastic!

2. I realised that hard work pays. You just have to stay cool, calm and confident, and believe you're going to win. That way, even if you lose, you still feel like a winner--rejuvenated and energized to start all over again or to look for alternatives, both of which are equally important.

3. Life is finite and too short to

- worry over materialistic gains

- overthink about what someone said to you out of ignorance or spite

- not enjoy each day

- spend time eating junk food
- think about people

Always!

4. Sometimes you are just not the same you as before. It can be a painful transition, knowing you don't feel like doing the things you liked doing, but at some point of time comes the ultimate relief--an inner acceptance of things that doesn't burden you with guilt or regret. It's pure evolution when you look at life from the other end of the kaleidoscope and find the view just as mesmerizing.

That's a lot about 2016 (not by my standards, and you know it. But I gotta think about you too), so let's move on to the much-sought-after things in 2017! Woohoo!

#1: The new job! I'm nervous and excited and it feels like I'm being given a second life. Thank you, dear God. I'll make you proud.

#2: My girl-best friend's wedding!!!! OMG I never before knew weddings could be so exciting! #funahead

Gonna be like this :P

#3: Becoming a kickass book blogger (I'll be here too, my pet). I will admit--I sucked at blogging in 2016 and I'm not even using the but-my-brain-was-dead-with-other-things excuse. I didn't even read 50 books (I think. I need to check Goodreads right away! Ohman. I read 39 books, the lowest in five years! I know, I know. I had decided not to go with numbers but you can't help taking a peek every month or so, especially when you have been overachieving your goals for years. I'm gonna make up for it this year. I mean, I MISS BOOKS! It's weird--the one whole year I worked in publishing, I read the least number of books. #thissucks) 

Anyway, this means I'm gonna be on the lookout for the latest books AND find my way to them AND devour them like a hungry bookworm AND post amazing reviews on my blog here (Subscribe if you haven't. I promise you won't regret it.) I might get into bookstagram too. You never know. (But you'll know if I do, because if you read this, you're bound to follow my bookstagram (which is instagramming about books)). Naturally I'll be into photography as well.

#4: Read more (as mentioned in #3) and read DIVERSE. Ugh, just read!!! I don't even like myself when I haven't read enough.

#5: Learn other language(s): Includes Punjabi (which I should have by this time), Spanish (which I should have remembered, having learned it for two years), French (just 'cuz I wanna. Also 'cuz I make insane goals).

#6: Learn about make-up and hairstyling: I'll do this at a very basic level, but I'll do it! Why? (And YOU, the friend, stop looking at me like that.) Because I'm a girl and a grown-up and I still don't know about these two essential things. I mean, why look average when you can look excellent?

#7: Don't waste time thinking about or because of people. Just do your own thing because your time is the most important thing--why not spend it in a useful activity?

#8: Keep the phone/computer away before bedtime. It's not only harmful but I haven't read a book at bedtime the ENTIRE year because of these two addictions. In fact, this reminds me, I haven't recharged my poor Kindle for two whole months! #stopthisatrocitynow

I wanttt!

#9: Say it. A lot of things go unspoken just because I'm confused about the other person's mindset (which is a rarity, because generally I know it by instinct, so people who confuse me also interest me greatly!). Therefore, to save myself the pain of overthinking, I will just be upfront and ask what the matter is! 

#10: Be chill. Enjoy life. Spend time with friends. Laugh more often (this is a need because I've had people tell me I don't smile enough and it feels so weird because... I don't know. I'm happy but it doesn't show on my face for some reason? Of course people aren't like people at home who can crack me up in a second, and they know my laugh is no less than a full-blown guffaw.) Anyway, laugh when someone cracks a joke. :P

#11: Learn more about Sikhism and teach you peoples about it too. I've done some reading and listening in 2016 and it has made me feel ever so lucky to have been born in this community, and it inspires me to live up to the name and do what we're supposed to do as Sikhs (be charitable, be kind, be truthful, be strong and fight for rights, to begin with). Also, today celebrates 350th birth anniversary of the tenth guru, Guru Gobind Singh Ji, also founder of the Khalsa and the one who instructed Sikhs to follow the Guru Granth Sahib Ji as the Guru to know about God and ways to live life. A powerful warrior and spiritual leader, Guru Gobind Singh Ji inspires us even today. I'd recommend this 43 minute documentary on his life: Life of Guru Gobind Singh Ji.

That's a lot to remember for a year, so I'll stop at that. I'm just happy 2016 is over and the new year comes with new promises and I am in a mindset to enjoy it, which is so awesome. Yay! How did 2016 treat you guys? Any resolutions for 2017?

Reflections and grouchy talk.

No resolutions this time too, only reflections on how I survived the past year and what to do to make 2016 better. It was only yesterday that I realized that it’s the year-end already. Imagine how full your mind has to be for you to not even notice the year ending. 

Present status: I have a job I like, but I hate having working Saturdays and having to travel so much and thus being in constant interaction with uncivil beings. 

Desired status: Be so much in love with work that nothing makes me unhappy. At the present, a lot of things (and people) do. Try to ignore it (and them).

How well did I do in 2015?

1. Work wise: better than before, but need to think of ways to get to goals more ‘easily’. Having to struggle each day sucks.

2. People wise: not very well. I still dislike people who lack ethics, and I am totally vengeful (unfortunately, only feelings-wise) towards those who’ve hurt me. It’s only been aggravated by annoying people I’ve met recently. It’s not a good thing, I know. I’ll see what to do about it when I have the time.

3. Book-reading wise: very well through the year, except towards the year-end. Still, I think I crossed the 50 mark without counting, and read qualitatively, and reread and enjoyed old books (Harry Potter, for instance) too. Unfortunately, did not read all the books I’d planned, mostly because of work requirements.

4. Personality-development wise: not much. There’s just no time to think of presentation and planned speech when you have to run all the time. I’m still the harried-look-just-like-in-college person. Give me a break, and I’ll think of how to make new braids. Maybe.

5. Mental-development wise: apart from irritation and anger issues, I feel like I’ve aged a 100 years. Things I used to like and talk about a year or two earlier, are either too trivial or too boring. (Help me!!!)

While thinking about what I had resolved to do in 2015, I thought of ‘write, write, write’, but then I checked and found that I had written it in 2014!! This is NOT fair. I want a life where I can actually keep track of time. Get a LIFE, life!

What to do in 2016 to get a life

Keep calm: People in the metro and on the roads are only going to get worse. STOP worrying about them. Yes, I’ve faced a setback due to realizations of the truth and how what I thought of the world was so away from reality, but still, I need to GET A GRIP. I’m supposed to rule my life. I am supposed to be happy for the people who’re concerned about me. Either ignore those who act stupidly, or give it back to them (yes, that’s better).

Prioritize work: I must get that heavy project off my head as soon as possible, even if it takes two months of hibernating (as much as can be managed anyway, what with blood-sucking job and all). After that, plan career stuff. All this while, act chill. BE chill. Time is supposed to go slowly (the rocking time, not the sucky time).

Be happy: G is doing so well! YOU are doing well too. The book fair is coming! (“I have no friends to go with this time!” “You have mom!”) You’re gonna go on trips! You might even be on an airplane after all these years’ gap!

Do something: Ghostwriting has made me realize that I can actually write my own book. But it’s also made me realize that to make it happen, I’d need at least two months’ break. All right then, let’s stick to the original plan of writing after 40.

I need to learn to speak up for myself if anyone wrongs me and if it is unfair. Stop ignoring things that must not be ignored. Shut them up once and for all. Do not hesitate to hit an annoying fellow-commuter and pretending that it was a mistake. Hint, hint: It can be done just before getting off the train. (No. I’m not going to be so mean.)

I’ll also try to (no, I WILL) go ahead with a plan I made to get kids to read more (or any) books. Will give details if it’s carried out.

Read and write: Read those books I got two-three years ago! Although since some time at work is spent reading so many excessively cute children’s books, I’m not complaining much.

Lose weight: I’m serious, and this one is not going to go unchecked. Ask a girl the horror of not being able to fit into her clothes, and you’ll know! Although I’m proud to say that I’ve lost some with my ardent will power (of not eating junk food). Yay!

My point!!

Generally, I’ll try being less of a cribber and more of a happy person who loves life. I don’t love it at the moment, and I’ve become so crude that it doesn’t even matter if I’m posting it. It’s the truth after all. I mean, I am grateful for a lot of things, but the general ‘feel’ at the moment is lacking. It’s like I see nothing to complain about when I really think about it, but it only makes me feel more upset because it seems like I’m complaining for no reason. Oh, wait. Perhaps it’s just that I’m in one of my mood swing modes. Don’t let it get you. Have a blast and have a wonderful new year 2016! (TIME FLIES!) Let the new, new year be a year you'll forever remember! (Don't go to jail, though.)

What are you gonna do?

The truth about good things

We all want good things to happen to us, whatever those might be -- a job we want, approval for a trip with friends, windfall gains from random lotteries, a great offer to buy a house or a car or anything else. We want all these things despite everything, even despite the fact that we don't want to work hard for them. Giving up is easy, taking alternatives is easy, sitting back and waiting does the job just as well. We wish and wish for good things but we are also always riddled with doubts and what-ifs. If there's something I've learned about good things, it's this:

1. Good things come to those who wait

There's no better way to get and enjoy the good things in life than to wait for it. Patience pays is a popular phrase. (Gee, that rhymes!) I believe there is a time and moment for everything, even when we absolutely hate not getting things just when we want them. There's a whole system of things created by nature (or God) and, perhaps you won't realize it but, what you receive after a long wait is always worth it. It's better for you. Therefore, if you feel restless about not getting the job you want (like I have been feeling since months, hence, lack of posts here), all you have to do is to close your eyes, breathe deeply, feel grateful for what you have, look at its positives, and keep striving to do your best. Never lose hope. Good things come in good time. 

2. Good things are related to 'time'

Carrying on the last point, good things usually come at just the right time. They may take ages or come sooner than expected; whatever is happening right now is the perfect thing for the present time. You are learning to not only control your anger/irritability issues while not getting your dream job, but also realizing the realities of life and how to deal with those. While you are always hopeful that your dream life is possible, you will realize that it takes a great deal of bravery and relentless work to get it. Good things will come in due course, though being optimistic about it will hasten things, so stay positive!

3. Good things cannot be stolen

When they've come to you, nothing in the world can take them away, except time. I know some people who refrain from sharing good news, perhaps imagining that someone will steal it from them! My dears, that is just not possible. Good things can only be shared and multiplied, not divided. If you have a certain advantage, you have it. Period. Don't be scared of having that taken away from you. Unless it is an Apple device you carelessly leave lying around. 

4. Good things might come in disguise...

... so that you don't even realize that what is happening is a good (or great) thing! They're not always obvious, apparent or even feel goody; they sometimes come nicely wrapped in layers of packaging, but you will realize them when they do their work (that is, help you get something great!). Maybe not getting through one of the big companies was actually a good thing and not the end of the world as you saw it (OK, I should stop making indirect references to myself). But really, things, even though they may not seem like good things, sometimes are actually good. 

5. Good things can happen suddenly!

Sometimes you receive a surprise in the form of something amazing that's happened to you when you were least expecting it. These are the ones that make you believe in miracles! :D

Are you wondering why I wrote this post? Did you notice how I haven't posted anything for such a long time? (If not, bleh. If yes, know that it is your love and interest that I really appreciate ^_^ Thank you!)

Anyway, the answer is that I had been facing one of the worst possible times (even though you might think I made it worse by overthinking, but I really couldn't help it). It was just emotionally draining as I was filled with insecurity and uncertainty of the highest order: the kind where nothing anyone says seems to make you feel optimistic unless some 'good thing' happens. Even reading did not appeal to me, so you can guess how weird it made me feel. I am thankful to family and those friends who supported me despite my apparent lack of regard for their words, who believed in me when I didn't. 

Thankfully, patience (even though it was forced and suffocating) finally paid off! The good things began pouring in one by one, and I am grateful to everyone, including God, who made it happen. First, I went on an all-girls' trip with my college friends, a first for all of us! The mere idea of it was exciting, as none of us had travelled without an elder person or a large group. A few days before the scheduled trip, I faced a major setback in the form of a rejection letter, and it left me numb and sad, especially as I was expecting an acceptance (so much so that I'd even given the good news to people!) It's weird, but I was the only one who spent the entire trip without feeling pissed off at anyone or anything! Sure, we enjoyed a lot, but I realized that I had, finally, matured. ^_^ 

There were four of us. We had planned a three-day trip to Mussoorie, the lovely hill station above Dehradun. I had only been there once, many years ago, when I was an awkward teenager and all I remembered about the trip was killing exotic insects in the summer house we were staying in, getting bitten by a Scorpion plant, walking a steep slope to get water, and lots of stomach cramps. This time it was as if I'd never been there before! We checked in a heritage hotel where we got a free upgrade to the deluxe quarter!! We spent our two days exploring the Mall Road right above the hotel, eating from popular eateries, dancing and gossiping and playing cards in the comfortable room, and of course, clicking awesomesauce pictures.

Passing through low clouds :D

Beautiful flowers overlooking the Dehradun valley

Look at the view *_*

The hotel overlooked Dehradun valley and the views were spectacular. The pleasantly cold weather (the November in Delhi kind) was a big plus in keeping us upbeat. Decidedly, the best part of the trip for me was getting a chance to meet the fabled writer of the hills, Mr Ruskin Bond!! Oh God, it was one of the best things I've experienced, even though I totally sucked at interacting with him. I asked no smart questions that I usually do with authors (probably because I was still in that bad phase mode, but still!!), only smiled and spoke a few words in greeting and got my copies signed. Ruskin Bond is precisely how I'd heard he is. 

LOOK WHO MET RUSKIN BOND!! *_*

A jovial-looking man of eighty, he arrived at Cambridge Book Depot a little after 3.30 PM on Saturday, smiling at everyone he passed. There was a long line of people waiting to see him, the best of whom were little children reciting poems to their parents for practice. I got really lucky when he arrived just as I was making payment for a book, and standing right next to his seat. He greeted everyone as he entered the small shop, including me (YAY!), and sat down, commenting on the line of people waiting to see him. I've met some authors at book signings, and found all of them quite humble and sweet. Mr Bond was the best of all! He accepted all forms of gifts (including poems and stories written by kids), and joked and talked with all his fans as they stepped up to meet him one by one. If you've read his books, you'd know the kind of person he would be, and when you see the soft and kind-looking face, all you feel like doing is smiling and making a witty joke (which, most probably, would not occur to you at that moment). One of my great friends, P, took a great picture of me with Mr Ruskin Bond, and I am forever grateful to her for gifting me this proof. I also apologize for not taking as great a picture of her as she did for me. 

The trip was a success. We'll plan another one soon! ;) The next good thing that seems like a disguise was a job offer from a place I wasn't much preferring, but talking to a few people cleared my head and now I feel great about it. I have an opportunity to work for my dreams, and if it seems difficult, that's all the better, as I would be motivated to work even harder. A couple more things on the family front turned awesome, and I am glad about it all. I only hope that the good thing in disguise really becomes good and the positives outweigh the negatives. 

A big YAY to new beginnings, everyday happiness, love in the form of friends and family, and feeling well enough to write a blog post! I've realized that I'm one of those people who write more and better when they're happy rather than when they're sad. Goodness, I just cannot write a word when I'm sad. (So if you see that I haven't posted for a long while, be good and ask me if all's well!)

Until next time! 

Love and best wishes

The real, real world.

My life as a child was always guarded. No going out after dark, following rules related to play time and hours, no going out alone, no travelling on the roads, no going to friends' houses that are more than half a kilometer away, no staying over at any relative's (no matter how close the relation), no school 'counties' or picnics unsupervised by teachers. The fact that I was a book addict, craft lover, and generally loved spending time solving puzzles or drawing and creating things or playing our own version of Legends of the Hidden Temple with G, I grew up a guarded, careful person.

Most of the restrictions vanished when I began college, but the idea of caution was deeply ingrained, and even though I was naturally a super-adventurous soul always looking for action, what seemed on the surface was exactly the opposite. The main reason was that no matter how reckless I felt, there was always an edge of practicality. It seemed like I was missing out on things, but in reality, I was just keeping myself safe. Yes, there are a lot many proponents of the idea that you need to experience everything in order to know things, but I don't believe in it. Why do you need to go through a difficult situation that gives you pain? I believe that when you do encounter a difficult situation, you will anyway face it no matter what you've faced in the past. So if I decide to avoid situations that I feel would make me uncomfortable, then it's my right and well, I am right. :P

In this whole manner of growing up, I developed an idea, or rather, a way of thinking that made people say that I 'live in the clouds'. I was always optimistic for the most part, believed that whatever view I have of the world, it would be just like that, thought that good things happened to good people, that I will be all right if I did everything right. Most of all, I fought with the idea that I cannot live my life happily if I always stayed 'in the clouds'. It was a safe place, and I wanted to stay there. It was a good way to live life. I did encounter my own share of sorrows, but I was always hopeful.

Nearly a year after completing formal education, I still believe in all those things. After all, isn't it difficult to start thinking along different lines than what you've always been used to? But this time, it is slightly different. Even though I believe in all those things, I now also know the 'whys', I've also witnessed and understood things I never wanted to believe existed, and I've developed an even bigger need to stay closer to God. Thankfully, my core beliefs remain the same, but I will not hide the fact that living in 'real life' made me very sad. It showed me that the things I thought were so bad they shouldn't exist, would not just exist, but also exist eerily close to me. It's really strange how different everything becomes once you get really independent, and that in this city, is when you start working.

What made me sad?

- Looking at people making a living by fooling other people, and supporting all the wrong kind of things. The really worrying thing is, there seem to be so many people living along these lines, and what they wear as a facade is so convincing, that unless you have great observation and are not easily moved by marketing efforts (that is, if you are someone like me), you wouldn't even realize what kind of lies people live with. When you are used to being ethical and honest, you feel suffocated if you are put in an environment that thrives on lies.

If lying wasn't bad enough, there's this whole idea of showbiz, and by God, it is something I can NEVER like or appreciate, no matter how people might think it to be 'entertaining'. It is not entertainment to me, it's being vile and idiotic and making fun of people who don't know any better. And I loathe people who pull off lies as acts, not knowing how stupid they look to those who know the truth, and how they're being marked by God as mere idiots who are spoiling His world. Besides, people (businesses, politicians, marketers) who make it a business of cheating people, not only cheat those outside the organization, but also their own employees.

- Looking at people who are just so delusional. I cannot stress on the gravity of delusion so many people seem to be living in. One category is that of the super-rich who believe they can buy their way into anything. And the sad fact is that they usually can, and then they believe that they're the winners. Another category belongs to the self-obsessed people. But then, what can we say about the common people if the head of the country is the biggest of them all? 

- Realizing that good can happen to people who are good and also to the vicious ones. The same goes for difficulties. God made us all equal and he treats us equally. Karma takes its own role, but for the most part, what happens to us depends on our own selves - are we a minority caste in a bigoted country? Are we poor? Do we have 'contacts'? How you enjoy the good and avoid the bad are basically based on these factors, not God.

- Witnessing alarming amounts of mindless, idiotic acts every day. People seem to have lost all faculties of mental reasoning. Life seems artificial when you look around and feel that so many young people prefer parties over spending time with family, prefer cricket matches and stupid movies over spiritual or intellectual talks, prefer spending thousands in one restaurant meal over giving a small bit of money to the homeless. Then there are events and acts that make no sense whatsoever. And let's not even begin talking about the differences in men and women. I cannot keep on harping about those, so I'll stop now and keep this post short. 

In between all this lies the happy world of a family and loved ones, best friends and of course, so many books waiting to be read. I've read such a vast variety of genres and themes, authors and writing styles in the past one year, that it makes me feel scared that I would die before I got to read them all! :P All this offers a constant assurance that one person can make a difference, and if you stay true to yourself and ignoring the negativity, try to spread the good things as much as you can, it will be all right. :) 

2015: Here's how you should be for me

Are the years passing by so quickly or what? It all zeroes down to spending all your time either studying through the years and/or being so into technology that you don't realize how quickly your time's running. If you don't believe me, try spending two hours in a sunny park on a winter afternoon, without your cell phone or any other tech device. It'll seem like ages as you peacefully read a book or just watch little kiddies play weird games. Then observe the next two hours at home. Trust me, it'll be a good five hours before you realize how much time has passed. Yesterday, I was talking about a black colour sketch I'd made of a couple of famous personalities, when I realized that I'd made those in 2002. It didn't even seem like a long time, but calculate it and you'd see that it's been more than twelve years! How do you feel when you look at life running through your hands like this? Don't you feel like easing out a bit, living more and running less? With this realization, I've decided to ask God and 2015 to go easy on me.

|      What I learned in 2014      |

Last year, I'd thought that 2014 would be an amazing year, especially since 2013 was just so annoying. It was partly true, because 2014 was a mix of amazing experiences but also some really bad ones. Nevertheless, it was also a year when I learned a lot, and at an entirely another level too! I think I finally grew up, mentally, emotionally, demographically. I'm no longer a formal student (because people like me never stop being students of some sort :P ), and that has marked my entry into another level of life. Surprisingly, it's one where I've learned that fear is overrated. As students, we're constantly being made to fear the 'real' world where there's 'cut-throat competition' and all that blah blah. I personally feel that there's enough space for everybody, if only you truly believe that. If you keep the silly competition in mind, you'll be forever stressed and keep running around and it'll be a long time before you realize that you're not even running for yourself, but for others. We need to really take a chill pill, spend productive time working on bettering ourselves and only look at other, successful people for inspiration, not jealousy.

You might have been asked to change your schedule, plan your day and be disciplined when you were preparing for your Board exams, but the fact is that more than then, you need to bring all that discipline now. Once you start working, if you have any kind of a future goal, you will have to consciously take a step back from all things that are limiting or hurting your feelings, and bring your focus to those that'll help you get better. I talk of feelings because they're more important than things you have or the money you earn. Feelings make your entire world; keep them safe. Protect yourself from bad feelings, stay away from people who make you feel guilty for no fault of yours, or make you wish you weren't with them. You are most important for yourself, because you can never love anyone else unless you're at peace with yourself. Just first and foremost, focus and work hard on being the best version of yourself, and present it to your loved ones. The rest will follow on its own.

I learned that some people will try bringing you down, just because they might be insecure themselves, or just because they can't help it. Sometimes it's not even intentional. Like every relationship, you have to work to make it better. It's no guarantee that it'll be better. If you see that the effort is not reciprocated or even after ten times of talking through it you don't 'feel' it's working, say a genuine apology and walk out. If it really means a lot to you, it'll work out for the better. If not, respect your feelings and do what makes you feel better.

I read quite a lot of books last year, and apart from numbers, I read the kind of books I hadn't read so far. Most of it was because of the entry into a new phase of life and working for it, but I have to say that I learned and matured a lot because of it. New genres, understanding books in depth, being more accepting to styles of writing and content that I positively looked down on earlier, I realized you really have to experience things first hand to understand them properly. The close people in my life have seen this marked, almost funny change. You thought I wasn't capable of making crass jokes, using colourful language or calling people deluded? You'd be in for a surprise the next time you talked to me. :P

I've also learned, after a lot of denial, that the way I wrote my blog posts earlier is a thing of the past. Unless I force myself (which I don't) or unless it's a rare mood swingy thing, my style of writing has definitely changed.

Among all this, I've learned how important friends are, specially when you're emotionally fluctuating from one point to the other; how assuring it is to know that you trust someone outside your immediate family to always be there when you need them. I've learned to cherish such people.  

|      Welcome, 2015!       |

I've been a regular resolution maker. That's how I actually keep my mental state intact, as a matter of fact. While working on a book on philosophy last month, I came across a line that said how it's important to have a philosophy of your own, how you cannot really know your ethics, morals and value system unless there is a set of philosophies you believe in and follow. So that explains how I need certain guidelines I set for myself at the beginning of each year. It's a different matter that the year's also interspersed with interim guidelines.

For the next year, I've decided to take into consideration all that I've learned so far, and consciously tell myself what to do and what things to follow. Most of these are the 'small changes' we can make in life to make it better and easy. These have been created from the perspective of improving what needs improvement and ditching whatever is extra. Let me know if you identify with any of these!

1. Read qualitatively

Participating in the Goodreads reading challenge the past three years, I've read nearly 175 books. It might not be a big number for a lot of people, but it was definitely a delight for me! The past year as I struggled to make the numbers reach my goal of 60, I realized how I'd fallen into the numbers trap. When you read with even the tiniest idea that it'd help increase a number, it's not the same. The more I read, the more I realized it wasn't giving as much happiness as it used to. Add to it the new job, where I figured it'd be better if I sometimes, somehow emotionally detached myself from what I was reading or working on, because of course, feelings. Those brutes need the most care.

So for the next year, I've decided to chill, not make any quantitative goals, read whatever I like or am interested in, with absolutely no expectations. I'd be rereading a lot of my favourites, including the Harry Potter series and some books I loved from the previous years (will update the book blog with the details soon). That way, I'll be reading more for the pleasure (or work) and not because it is a chore. I just can't wait to start! *_*

2. Take care of health

I'm not old, but I've realized that a lot of junk food is totally 'college-y' for me. It just doesn't feel as exciting as it did. Now eating out frequently makes me feel like I've become a baby elephant. To stay healthy and able to fit into my clothes easily, I'd be monitoring and improving my water intake, carrying a water bottle every time I go out, reduce the ordering out food/snacks to once in two weeks or longer if I can help it. More than that, I will not stress about this either. Carrying little amounts of healthy snacks so I won't feel impulsive in terms of food, knowing what kind of foods don't work for me (sweets, cheese and coffee, for example) and such little things make it easy to follow what sounds like a boring plan. 

3. Spend more time with family

I mean real time, not virtual time. It's annoying how people sit in the same room and either watch TV wordlessly or scroll through useless messages on WhatsApp. Oh the malice of those forwarded messages! When you're with your loved ones, give them the best of you, no? Play real games together - do you even know where your ludo/monopoly/carrom board/hangman/jenga is? 

4. Be brave

It takes bravery to stand up for the right things, specially if it is something you've been living with since forever. I think it works better to act and do than simply criticise things or complain. Sure, we need to speak up when no one else is, but it must be accompanied by a strong belief and followed by the right action. Being brave is also about respecting yourself - your limits, your ethics, your feelings. Let go of the emotional baggage. I've decided to simply call it quits with whatever/whoever I feel is dragging me down. I seriously have spent a good part of two-three years recovering from the loss of a loved one, and I'm seriously much, much grateful to those who understood, gave me space and stuck with me throughout. If you've seen the worst of me, you are the only one who deserves my best. So I'm reserving it for you. If, on the other hand, you're among those with whom I spent good times, but we drifted apart during the bad, I simply want to thank you for giving me those good times. It's just that I cannot feel enough to share my life with you ever since I realized that some of you only care about the good. 

In short, I'll just be me. The reserved, shy or whatever girl I have always been. No trying hard for anyone except those who matter. I'd rather reserve such energies for my work, right? 

5. Work. Work hard.

I actually love this phase of life. You're not bound by a certain kind of education, but you're free to pick and choose what to learn. You don't have heavy responsibilities at home, and you can spend time on yourself. The best thing in this case would be to dedicate yourself to your work, learn the trade and gain as much knowledge as you can. This year will definitely be one where I'm a little more sure about my goals, where I want to be, and making the most of what I get. It's starkly different from the same time last year when I was filled with uncertainty. Funny how much can happen in such a short time. So if you have goals to accomplish and you have the time, I guess that's all the motivation you need to get going. Ditch the distractions and just work. You'll be surprised how the rest of your life falls into place. That is, if you do it nicely and right. :) 

6. Help

The last year was also a time I learned how charity cannot be defined, because there are just so many ways to help other people. It's also true - charity begins at home. There's little point carrying stacks of clothes for NGOs when there is a family in your relations who needs it more. Then there are also the little gestures of connecting with people who seem lonely. It won't be a great idea to be the best of buddies, however, especially if you're a good listener. But it really varies from person to person. Just consciously try being a little more kind in general, with everybody, and like charity, even kindness begins at home. :)  

    |     The little things:    |

- Make the bed every morning. It actually takes less than a minute!

Action taken: Already started

- Keep the curtains on the windows open so you can wake up to sunlight. *_* This however, depends on whether or not sunlight reaches that window :P

Action taken: Windows cleaned, space behind it cleared. 

- Start taking care of misplaced objects in the house. Cleaning my room every few months is definitely not enough. If I feel irritable not finding something at the right place, I should myself put misplaced objects in their proper places, right? Plus, it's exercise.

Action taken: None. 

- Make the effort to step down the bed and put that dream-notebook and a pen under the pillow. Did I ever tell you how cool it is to be able to wake up and quickly scribble the part of dreams you remember? You anyway forget them after a few minutes, if not seconds, so why not write them down to remember them for later? I'm not sure what this activity achieves, except feeling good about having a weird habit :P Besides, not every thing has to have a reason. Some things just are. 

Action taken: Managed to mentally adjust getting up slowwwly, and scribbling in the half-light with partly closed eyes. Discontinued since a few weeks; need to take it up again.

- Reduce time spent on social networking sites. 

Action taken: Struggling, but persevering. At least I've managed to block out useless information and not be affected by stupid news, so that's cool.

- Follow the happiness-inducing things I started in mid 2014 when it became crucial to do so. Now that it's become a habit, let it be. :)
Action taken: Been doing it since the past few months. 

- Speak in English. It sounds funny, but I'm a lot better at writing than speaking. I mean, even G gives me a complex sometimes, so you can figure it out. And now that I've made it public, I guess I'll consciously be motivated to do it.
Action taken: Do it whenever I remember it!

- Okay, I've been postponing putting this ever since I started writing the points, and it's not exactly a 'small' thing, but let's just say it is. Learning to prepare small meals for whenever I'm hungry! I know, it's embarrassing to admit that I know absolutely zilch about preparing food. It's complicated, so I won't bother to explain it here. I'll just spend a part of weekends with mom, learning how to boil eggs, for instance. (Goodbye people who would undoubtedly be running away after this! :P)
Action taken: Except for three experiments this year, nothing.

- Stealing some points from a friend's post, I'll add 'preparing and setting out clothes for the next day, the night before' purely because I spend a lot of time staring at the clothes and ending up wearing the same, usual ones without experimenting!
Action taken: Nada

Dear 2015, I hope you've realized that I'm completely prepared to make the best of you. You should be as excited as I am and be with me.

***

A very happy New Year, dear readers! Wishing you all a year full of happiness and great experiences. Thank you for reading my life stories blog and often writing to me. It feels great to have friends like you. :)

Do you have your own set of resolutions or plans for the year? I'd love it if you'd share them with me!

You shouldn't always be 'cool with everything'. Here's why...

There are some things that sometimes make me feel guilty. Getting annoyed at something/someone, not feeling quite satisfied with life, finding people in the metro annoying, feeling dizzy looking at newspaper headlines, or news shows that talk about a monkey saving another monkey as headline news. These are recent. Since childhood, I've accumulated quite a lot of similar stories where I was made to feel, and now I automatically feel, guilty about feeling annoyed/irritated/angry/sad at anything I feel is not quite right. It's a reason deep rooted. We're supposed to be good kids and not shout or crib a lot. Of course we should! That's what kids are supposed to actually do. Because when they don't, they keep it inside and start hating everything that's related to the thing they weren't allowed to sulk over. 

Now in this age and time, despite the fact that it feels sickening, we've seen the relative and even absolute importance of being online. That inevitably led to a shift in thoughts - for the good and for the bad. We're exposed to almost everything that happens in the world, yet we don't feel strongly for any one thing. We have all the information that was never there before, yet we cannot make sense of some sensitive topics. We cannot argue with maniacs who've taken over the social media to spread hate messages, because they're beyond control and influencing other maniacs too. And most of all, we cannot express how annoying all this, because we're supposed to 'just chill' and 'be cool with everything.'

Fine, you're propagating peace. No one is allowed to argue or point out the negatives, but why should the world get away with doing something so stupid? We should start speaking up. Not on blogs, not on social media, and certainly not in the form of protests. Don't feel bad about stopping someone from doing something silly just because you don't want to hurt their feelings or spoiling their time after a long day. Speak up even when someone silences you with a 'chill dude' when you protest against a racist remark. Point out when someone in a group cracks a rude joke. Would you rather feel terrible about the kind of people you hang out with, or tell them somehow that they're wrong? Tell them if what they said is wrong. Stop 'chilling'. It's not helping. Neither you, nor the world. You don't feel at peace anyway. You just think you're feeling cool because you fool yourself into believing so.

Taking yet another helping of a large scoop of chocolate ice-cream because the host is forcing you, letting your classmates make you stay for an hour longer because they're still working, letting go of a prejudiced remark because it didn't seem too offensive at the time, laughing at stupid WhatsApp videos people keep sending, looking at people sneaking peeks at other people's cell phones in the metro, a neighbour's pet dog roaming freely around because they say it's harmless - all these have personally been things I've felt guilty about. Not just about letting all that happen, but also about feeling not-so-cool about it. That's the level of stress expectations can have. Why can't I say if I find something wrong? I'm terrified of dogs, so even if he's a harmless half-lion, I will feel bad if you tell me that I'm wrong to say it's not right to leave it out like that. It makes me cringe when people talk in terms of caste and social status about anyone, and then describing them, so I will tell you that you need to shut up. It's not just about how "I" feel, but about right and wrong. This chalta hai attitude is wrong. Nahi chalta aise. 

When you get into the chalta hai attitude, you forget your limits. You cross an invisible line and become one of those who know no better than to just have 'fun' and live for themselves. You show others that it is okay to deviate, to accept what they might feel is wrong, to become 'cool'. 

Src: pinterest

Of course I don't mean you should always be on edge and snap at everything that ticks you off. Sometimes you just cannot point out things directly. Sometimes it's not required. But we need to be aware of what we're doing, what we're saying and how we say it. It's important to know what you think! Most of the times, we're not thinking for ourselves, but simply repeating what others are saying, or worse, what the majority is saying. Take a break, sit back and just think. How do you feel? What makes you feel bad? How can you make a difference? It's not all that difficult, really. You affect the people around you. Stop doing things that you think are wrong. That's it. It's not difficult. When people would see that you don't participate in anything you don't like, they're going to actually feel inspired. Even if they criticize you on your face, they're wondering how you do it. Some might even say that they admire your stand. And if you feel that it'll be difficult, look around. There are always heroes somewhere; someone who's quietly living the way you should. Approach them for help, they'll never refuse. 

So the next time you're tempted to laugh at a sexist joke, stop yourself and tell the person that it's not funny. You should not feel guilty about doing what is right. Never, ever.