2016 Recap; Hello 2017!

Another year gone, seemingly in the blink of an eye (why o why? Take it slow, life!), and all I can think is, "THIS was the year of absolute changes and it's incredible how I've come to accept and embrace it." You know how I would always state that I don't really like changes, but then comes a time in life when you are so severely tested that it finally dawns upon your scorched soul that changes can be for the better and it'd be wise to enjoy life the way it is. No whining.

I'll be frank. I did whine. A lot. 2016 brought with it tons of mind-boggling situations, major decision-making, super annoyances BUT with the grace of the almighty (and my restored faith in Him) the year ended quite pleasantly. Here's a summary of 2016 (including resonant answers to deep questions):

2016 brought me to the edge. It was scary but the view was exciting.

January 2016--March 2016

1. Reminiscing the past by re-reading Harry Potter! I ended up reading just the first four books, after which life happened I realised we need to work to survive.

Lesson learned: Work is important, but not important enough to discontinue reading Harry Potter! Nothing ever is.

2. Feeling inhibitions that my three-month old workplace isn't ideal. The feeling quickly escalated and I began a job search in the same industry (aka publishing aka the home for my beloved books). Lesson learned: Listen to your heart and begin looking for a job right when you feel it! The process takes ages and you might end up losing your sanity if you aren't quick enough. I saved mine, thank goodness!

Is this what I came for? Err...

3. Travelling to Jaipur with a couple of girl-friends just to chill and relax. Experienced life in Zostel, roamed around the city markets, visited historical forts and acted like typical tourists. #itwasfun

Lesson learned: Trips with friends always equal jannat.

4. Securing a freelance work op with a biggie publisher. Hi-5! The best two months of my work life (after which... erm... please don't ask. Kbye.)

Lesson learned: Don't judge yourself based on others' opinion of you. Also, good times don't last. But again, it's all for the best!

*sigh* Good days!

April 2016--June 2016

1. The family trip to Australiaaa. Those days I felt like I knew what it means to be truly happy--it was such an amazing trip! You can read about it in the previous post.

Lesson learned: The frog needs to get out of the well more often.

Because the world can be fun!

2. Hard luck and illness can strike anyone, even a 5yo barely two months into school. My beautiful nephew was diagnosed with cancer. We did some fundraising to help the family cover treatment costs. It was an overwhelming experience for us all as we saw people from all walks of life come forward to help.

Lesson learned: You can never know beforehand who's going to be your support in times of trouble. Be grateful for everything.

Update: His initial phase of chemo is almost at a close, and he seems to be doing well. Much love and appreciation for everyone's help. :')
You can follow his story on this Facebook page.

July 2016--September 2016

1. Desperation at the job front, looking at other industries and failing classically. Realising that successes are hard to get, and keeping one's will power in check requires every ounce of effort one can muster.

Lesson learned: Keep going. Be visibly appreciative of family and friends who stick with you even when they suffer the effects of your mood swings.

October 2016--December 2016

1. Incessant prayers worked their magic and I got just the very thing I wanted. It also feels quite exciting, so yay!

Lesson learned: Feel free to weave your dreams, but always go with the flow. Every experience gives lasting value and shapes your mind, psychology and behaviour. Be open and accepting, and before you know, you'll get what's best for you. And you'll know it when you see it!

If only I looked just as cute!

I recently came across these lines by the philosopher Socrates, which resonated with me instantly:  “If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is law and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”

2. Friendships have incredible power. Those who believe in you when you yourself don't, those who "make the effort" to help ease things for you, they're the ones to hug tight!
Lesson learned: More often than not, you wouldn't see it when you're low, because it's extremely trying to think of anything but your helplessness, but every once in a while when the depressing feeling passes, you'll see the depths of your friendships (or the extreme shallowness of some, for that matter). When you see it, you'll work at becoming a better friend yourself.

~ ~ ~

Matters of interest

1. I'm a lot more confident now, thanks to the tough situations I faced this year. I also met new people and it was fantastic!

2. I realised that hard work pays. You just have to stay cool, calm and confident, and believe you're going to win. That way, even if you lose, you still feel like a winner--rejuvenated and energized to start all over again or to look for alternatives, both of which are equally important.

3. Life is finite and too short to

- worry over materialistic gains

- overthink about what someone said to you out of ignorance or spite

- not enjoy each day

- spend time eating junk food
- think about people

Always!

4. Sometimes you are just not the same you as before. It can be a painful transition, knowing you don't feel like doing the things you liked doing, but at some point of time comes the ultimate relief--an inner acceptance of things that doesn't burden you with guilt or regret. It's pure evolution when you look at life from the other end of the kaleidoscope and find the view just as mesmerizing.

That's a lot about 2016 (not by my standards, and you know it. But I gotta think about you too), so let's move on to the much-sought-after things in 2017! Woohoo!

#1: The new job! I'm nervous and excited and it feels like I'm being given a second life. Thank you, dear God. I'll make you proud.

#2: My girl-best friend's wedding!!!! OMG I never before knew weddings could be so exciting! #funahead

Gonna be like this :P

#3: Becoming a kickass book blogger (I'll be here too, my pet). I will admit--I sucked at blogging in 2016 and I'm not even using the but-my-brain-was-dead-with-other-things excuse. I didn't even read 50 books (I think. I need to check Goodreads right away! Ohman. I read 39 books, the lowest in five years! I know, I know. I had decided not to go with numbers but you can't help taking a peek every month or so, especially when you have been overachieving your goals for years. I'm gonna make up for it this year. I mean, I MISS BOOKS! It's weird--the one whole year I worked in publishing, I read the least number of books. #thissucks) 

Anyway, this means I'm gonna be on the lookout for the latest books AND find my way to them AND devour them like a hungry bookworm AND post amazing reviews on my blog here (Subscribe if you haven't. I promise you won't regret it.) I might get into bookstagram too. You never know. (But you'll know if I do, because if you read this, you're bound to follow my bookstagram (which is instagramming about books)). Naturally I'll be into photography as well.

#4: Read more (as mentioned in #3) and read DIVERSE. Ugh, just read!!! I don't even like myself when I haven't read enough.

#5: Learn other language(s): Includes Punjabi (which I should have by this time), Spanish (which I should have remembered, having learned it for two years), French (just 'cuz I wanna. Also 'cuz I make insane goals).

#6: Learn about make-up and hairstyling: I'll do this at a very basic level, but I'll do it! Why? (And YOU, the friend, stop looking at me like that.) Because I'm a girl and a grown-up and I still don't know about these two essential things. I mean, why look average when you can look excellent?

#7: Don't waste time thinking about or because of people. Just do your own thing because your time is the most important thing--why not spend it in a useful activity?

#8: Keep the phone/computer away before bedtime. It's not only harmful but I haven't read a book at bedtime the ENTIRE year because of these two addictions. In fact, this reminds me, I haven't recharged my poor Kindle for two whole months! #stopthisatrocitynow

I wanttt!

#9: Say it. A lot of things go unspoken just because I'm confused about the other person's mindset (which is a rarity, because generally I know it by instinct, so people who confuse me also interest me greatly!). Therefore, to save myself the pain of overthinking, I will just be upfront and ask what the matter is! 

#10: Be chill. Enjoy life. Spend time with friends. Laugh more often (this is a need because I've had people tell me I don't smile enough and it feels so weird because... I don't know. I'm happy but it doesn't show on my face for some reason? Of course people aren't like people at home who can crack me up in a second, and they know my laugh is no less than a full-blown guffaw.) Anyway, laugh when someone cracks a joke. :P

#11: Learn more about Sikhism and teach you peoples about it too. I've done some reading and listening in 2016 and it has made me feel ever so lucky to have been born in this community, and it inspires me to live up to the name and do what we're supposed to do as Sikhs (be charitable, be kind, be truthful, be strong and fight for rights, to begin with). Also, today celebrates 350th birth anniversary of the tenth guru, Guru Gobind Singh Ji, also founder of the Khalsa and the one who instructed Sikhs to follow the Guru Granth Sahib Ji as the Guru to know about God and ways to live life. A powerful warrior and spiritual leader, Guru Gobind Singh Ji inspires us even today. I'd recommend this 43 minute documentary on his life: Life of Guru Gobind Singh Ji.

That's a lot to remember for a year, so I'll stop at that. I'm just happy 2016 is over and the new year comes with new promises and I am in a mindset to enjoy it, which is so awesome. Yay! How did 2016 treat you guys? Any resolutions for 2017?

Metro Diaries # 9: The newest stories, Part 2

The Book Suggestion Seeker

If you have an hour to kill in the Metro, and if you're me, you would prefer to spend a good part of it doing something useful—reading, planning your to-do list, getting work done. Recently, my target job for Metro time included reading and reviewing a book called Emotional Rescue by Dgozchen Ponlop (you can find the review here. If you'd care to know, I managed to write 90% of the review using my phone. I'm getting awesomer at this).

I was done with reading, and had nothing else to read, so when I sat down for the evening journey back home, I thought I'd go through the book again and jot down points to write in the review. While I was doing so, I thought the girl sitting next to me was reading whatever I was writing down, so I did that shuffling thing—moving from the writing page to a random reading page, to and fro in quick succession, so that her attention would be diverted. It's not that I don't want anyone else to read what I'm doing, but it just freezes my brain and I can't get another word out if I know someone's looking. Anyway, whatever I did had no effect on her, so I began to skim read the book instead, making points in my mind.

A few minutes later, the girl began to speak to me. She asked what was in the book. Damn! That obviously got me talking fast and quick. She was such an amazing listener--totally interested in whatever I told her, listening with rapt attention, never breaking eye contact. Just the sort of listener you need when you have to talk about books. Soon enough she started asking questions and sharing her problems—how she feels somewhat depressed sometimes and gets swayed by emotions, etc. I was supposed to offer solutions based on what I'd read in Emotional Rescue.

I did whatever I could, but that only got her more interested. Finally, in a voice full of lament, she said, "Oh, where are you getting down?" When I answered, she replied, "Oh, no... I'm getting down at the next station! It was nice to listen to you. Where do you get these books from? Can we get them from the metro station kiosks?"

"Um... you'll only get the popular ones there..."

"What about this one?"

"This has not yet been released. You can give me your email id. I'll write to you about it."

"Okay... and give me your number too!"

"Err... hey! That's your station!" I said, shoving her off the seat. The doors were opening, for heaven's sake!

"Yes! Take my number please!" she said. Her sense of urgency was contagious. I didn't even pause to consider, and whipped out my phone. Then I realized how it was so slow that she might as well reach my station before the phone would get unlocked. Thankfully I had a pencil in my hand.

"Here, write your number," I said, flipping to the last page of the book.

She scrawled her number, said thanks, and dashed out. Just in time.

It took me a week to write to her, and even then I was somewhat at a loss. I rarely read self-help and philosophy, and I honestly don't yet believe in the heavily marketed books in those genres. But they must have something that helps people, or else why would they be so popular? I ended up giving some recommendations based on a mix of what I'd read and liked, and what I thought would be good based on their reviews. A couple of short email conversations, and quite a good number of 'hi's in the metro later (because we recognized each other now), the emotional book saga is at a pause. 

But I'm always there ;)

Scoot gets a new parking place!

 This is not exactly a metro story, but it is related to metro parking space, so I'm including it.

When I first saw the big Pantaloons and Croma opening and functioning under the newly-constructed multi-level parking for which I had been waiting for years and which hadn't been opened to us yet, I had a hard time suppressing the urge to shout foul and rain kicks and fists on someone I could blame the problem. Here I was, hassled every day because they stole the good parking space and spent years constructing that new parking, only to have it made into a mall? Are people mad or what? (Yes, they are)

A few days later, I had to quickly find a dress. Working six days a week meant I did not have time to search a lot of places. Then my awesome (and ever so practical and sound-minded) friend P suggested a solution. "Look for a dress in the new Shopper's Stop at that mall. It's the closest to your place, and it's bound to have something you're looking for."

"Shopper's Stop? That place has a Shopper's Stop? Since when?"

"Uh... it's been around for a while." (and this girl lives miles and miles away!)

So we made our first journey to this place—I, G and mom—and made some useful discoveries.
The parking was huge, albeit a bit scary. But I was pretty much annoyed. Why was I having to look for parking spaces for my beloved Scoot when this mountain had taken our old space and was filling up with shoppers' cars!? A parking attendant came our way.

"Why isn't this a metro parking?" I asked.
"Huh?"
"Wasn't this supposed to be built as DMRC parking space for metro travellers?"
"But you can park your car here just as well," he said.
It was my turn to feel stumped. "You can? Two-wheelers too?"
"Of course. Many people do."
Was it my fault, though? No one ever talks about parking spaces. There was no information that the parking was available once more. However, it is owned by the mall, not DMRC. Not that it makes any difference to the commuters (because the rates are the same).

The next day, full of enthusiasm, I left home a few minutes early to make time for acclimatizing myself with the new parking space. As soon as I rode up the short slope, I was stopped by two guards. They wanted to check Scoot's boot, probably for the dead body of a cat (which is the most it could carry). I hopped off Scoot and showed them that I had no blood on my hands yet. They let me go. After a long path with bumpy speed-breakers at short intervals, there was an automatic ticket-wielding machine (which later became my time-watching-and-guessing-whether-or-not-I'll-be-late-that-day machine). After that, I was directed to a cut separate from the one we had taken the last time.

Riding a two-wheeler, the curved slopes were harder to manoeuvre. Scoot took me down, down, down, slowly. I passed one level but it was closed, and Scoot didn't slow down and it seemed to take forever to circle all the way two floors down. It was with relief that I saw a parking attendant waving at me. Finally, there were more scooters and bikes. Signs of life! In my newfound happiness, I parked wherever the attendant said. Finally, Scoot had a place to feel safe in while I was gone. No longer did it have to stay in the hot sun or endure passersby on its comfortable seat. It could be with its own clan for most of day. Yay!

I was so excited that I forgot to pick the parking slip from Scoot. Thankfully I realized it halfway to the elevators, and went back and got it. Now, and this is weird and 'only-in-India'ish, there were no stairs. Only elevators. I am scared of elevators. I would always take the stairs whenever possible. It took five minutes more than usual to reach my platform with the new parking space. Not bad. Except that I don't even have the capability (or the motivation) to reach soon every day, so sometimes I use the new place (I feel good on those days), sometimes I get late for work, and sometimes when I've been late enough, Scoot has to stay in the sun again.

***

I'm bored. Hopelessly bored. My head aches, my arm aches, my leg aches and so does my heart. Sometimes I feel so lost and oh so hopeless. What am I ever going to do in life? I need a good job. No, an "easier" job. The one I have is good, but not easy to manage. I need time for personal work, because I'm never satisfied with spending my days only working for someone. I want to work for myself, too. And it gets so difficult sometimes. I need a break. And I'm going to get one s soon. More about it later. I only hope it works well.

#17: No regrets?

What does it mean,
To live life with no regrets?

Is it, to do all the things you think of doing, or think you want to do,
Making someone who doesn't have your spirit
(but is just as human and normal),
Feel spiritless, and think the idea radical?

Is it, to show the others, that you have done
All you could; you have made mistakes
You're proud of... So what if someone else
Has been hurt? An action you think you won't regret
Is all it takes.

But tell me, wouldn't it be terrifying to live through,
Each thing you thought you wanted to do,
In the name of 'no regrets'?

Tell me, what exactly would you accomplish?
A sense of liberation from 'what-ifs', you say,
And I understand that. I would feel it too.
I would want to feel it.

But tell me, do you ever consider if you would really
Feel not regretful? Are you sure you wouldn't? For anything at all?
Wouldn't you, maybe, think, "I tried... but perhaps I shouldn't have"?

I would. Even though I would want to do certain things,
Some that I crave for, some that make me look cool, while some on whims, 
I would if I know it wouldn't hurt, 
I would if it would make someone (especially me) happy,
I would do everything thinking it would always be a lesson,

Still, I would not do most of them in the name of 'no regrets'.
I would first make sure I understand all that's at stake.
 
Because even if I don't regret, I would feel awful because of their consequence(s),
And living happily is more important than no regrets,
And no, they are sometimes, for some people, not mutually exhaustive.
If you want to live a life of no regrets, first prepare yourself for it.

Not to sound mean, but what if you drown?
You would first analyse the risks, right? Great. Go ahead! :D
Pic src: felixcastroblog.com

*** 

These days I look forward to writing something for the day, and most often it is a random thought, among the many, that gets picked up just as randomly as it came. Somewhat bored at work, I doodled 'no regrets' in my notepad, and I have no idea where it came from. Then in the next few minutes, draft 1 of this piece above was born, converted into draft 2 during the next boredom break!

I'm not sure if I can call these pieces poems anymore. Weren't they all supposed to rhyme at least somewhere? I'm currently reading a book on poetry called No Matter The Wreckage by Sarah Kay, and I suppose my subconscious is pretty much influenced! It doesn't take into account whether or not I'm liking the writing style. 

#16: Food

Some days, food is only a word,
A thing, to be had in between
Breaks from working round the clock.
It has a time, it is a fixture.

Some days you don't notice,
If your food is a solo item, or a mixture,
Of a vegetable, a bunch of leaves, some spices,
Roots, perhaps also a martyred creature, and a couple of seeds.

Some days you don't see,
When you spend your hundreds when hungry,
What exactly you put inside you. Do you taste the bread,
The sauces, the crisp nuggets, the stir-fried veges?

Some days when you wrinkle your nose,
Over the food prepared, and eat disgruntled,
Don't you feel the softness or the rawness,
The naturalness of food made with lesser condiments?

Do you feel the subtle flavours, and the textures,
And the sharpness in their tastes? Do you see how
Food is a marvel to be had with mindfulness,
And how lucky you have been, to have food at all? 

# 8: A lover of skies

For a lover of skies,

Up above is always a marvel,

Night or day, hot or cold,

With cotton-like clouds or plain smooth as marble.

For a lover of skies,

There’s more than just colour blue,

A lover knows there can be reds and greys,

As well as yellows, all in different hues.

For a lover of skies,

Stars are more than plain constellations,

They’re also dull and shiny, far and close,

Clouds are spidery or fluffy...

Much more than what appears above single nations.

For a lover of skies,

Clouds are not cirrus or cumulous,

They are spidery, or fluffy enough,

To appear as a dragon or a children’s omnibus.

For a lover of skies,

The moon is never waxing or waning,

It is a spotted beauty, to be sought, each night,

In any direction, in any shape, without naming.

The skies have birds and planes and spaceships,

And things unknown that rise,

There’s always more than meets the eye,

For a lover of skies.

Skies have rainbows too...

Metro Diaries #7: Sweet Revenge

Remember how I'm spending two hours at least in the metro train every day 'cept Sunday? (No? Why are you even here? Go read my previous posts first.) You thought I was done with metro posts? Have you ever been more wrong in your life or what! When you have to suffer (safar) for so long in the women-only coach, you're bound to have your mental peace shattered to bits. (Oh oh, there just broke out a high-pitched argument, as always, between a middle aged-older woman and a younger one, with the older woman, as always, trying to find 'space' and the younger one finally lashing out at her - "There is just no space! My size is such that I can fit anywhere, right? You're only creating trouble for others." Travels are interspersed with such amusements, sure.) Okay, perhaps not have mental peace shattered to bits, but they do make you clench your teeth so many times that your jaw bone gets weak and starts troubling you (true story. Who's going to compensate me for that? DMRC, or countless parents of these people?)

Anyway, while I had less time to travel or when I had friends to pass the time with, I stood well away from the seats. Who would bother about fighting to get a seat? But when there's nothing but early morning lethargy and a book to read and loads of time to stand, you can't really be so dense as to not look for a seat every day. If you don't, you might as well get your knees checked along with your jaw. So then I started looking for seats. That was when I was really initiated into the world of the seated and the seat grabbers.

Before I begin, let me take my revenge. You, Ms Red Sweater (such a glaring, tacky shade, too), you took the seat I was supposed to get by asking the aunty to shift in front of me where I was going to sit, and parking your bum into the now-empty slot in front of you, all the time acting as if it's nothing. You're one heck of a sinner, madam. And ugh. Your super red lipstick is a really gross shade.

The Seat Grabbers

Apart from the kind mentioned above, seat grabbers do the following:

(What luck. Just got a seat thanks to millions getting off at RC station, and sitting next to Ms Red Sweater. *minimizes brightness*)

1. Grabbers standing so close to the seated that they might as well be sitting on their knees (which could be another possible cause for early arthritis). There was one lucky day when I had a seat and it was the rush hour. I was absorbed in a book when I first felt something brushing my face. It was a lady's handbag, with the lady herself wedged in the space between my feet.

2. Sympathy gainers: (excluding real cases). Some people will try getting a seat by way of sympathy (apparently, it is is not dead). These are the people who make such innocent, tired faces that people feel sorry for them and automatically get up for them. Sometimes they'll look at a seated person with such a pleading look that when the person has to vacate the seat, they'll give it to no one but the sympathy gainer.

3. Aunties: Some of them would say stuff like, 'beta badon ko seat de do' or would just huff and pant so much that someone would give them their seats just so they don't look like sadists.

4. Centre of Attention: They're always at the centre of the doors on the platform. The logic (according to them) is that the lines on both sides are made up with fools who don't know how to grab a seat (or how important it is). They want to be the first to enter the coach to get a seat. They don't really give a fig to others. They'll blatantly flout all rules, and barge in as soon as the doors open even if they can see they're likely to collide with bulging tummys. (Not even belonging to women. Ugh!)

5. Those who let all traces of niceties vanish when they hurry to the seat everyone can see you are about to occupy (which takes you a couple of seconds because you don't want to seem like one of those people who're greedy for a seat). And when someone else grabs it right from under your nose, all you do is to try to maintain a calm face and pledge to take your revenge by writing about it (and them).

Ouch! (Added in haste: There are also those who come running to occupy the seat next to you and end up stamping on your foot.)

The Seated

Only one category comes to mind, thanks to recent interactions with them. There are people who won't budge from their seats until the door to their station opens!! OMG. I really think there's something wrong with these people. Why are they so insecure about seats? The other day, I got about half a bum's space to wedge myself in, and since I had 40 more minutes to go, I thought I might as well just sit on whatever's given. The next station was RC and an unbelievably thin girl went to the doors, leaving her space for me. It was so tight a space (made more difficult by the sad fact that I'm expanding at the rate of the Big Bang) that I was about to slide down. Half a minute passed and the two women on my sides did not even budge. (Fyi, when someone sits like this next to me, I shift as much is possible without getting on to another lap to give the newly seated as much space possible to sit comfortably.) The train stopped at the station, and as I was a centimetre away from sliding down, I thought of getting up, when something really weird happened. The woman on my right and her companion next to her got up to get down at the station where the train had stopped!!! Have people absolutely no sense? If they can SEE (heck, the whole coach could see) someone about to fall down, and you KNOW you're going to get down at just the next station, can't you manage to stay standing for two minutes? Good lord. I'm quite positive I lost any remaining dregs of hope for humanity then.

***

I've typed this in the metro while going to work. First, I have no time left for writing blog posts while I'm home. Second, I'll be too busy for the next couple of months, so please if you don't get a post, don't leave! (Honestly though, I'm saying it to make you feel important. It's not like you read or comment anymore, do you?)

PS- I do give my seat to people who really need it, but sometimes when you're tired and want to sleep and have been granted a nice seat because you travel so far, you really don't want to sympathise with others. Think about it, does anyone sympathise with you (unless you're fainting)?

(My laptop with a new motherboard and newly formatted still works like a sloth, so I'm not bothering with a picture for this post. Time is a rare commodity, people. You'll realize it one day.)

Kbye.